DH hates his life and want to “kill himself”

[Alwaysmyfaults]

When I met DH 7 years ago he was on his own had a good job and a ok amount of savings. He was going on holiday regularly with his family so obviously that became the norm to him.

Fast forward 7 years later 3 kids, it’s so bloody hard we go on holiday once a year now. I work full time he works part time and runs a business which is slowly taking off and will pay off in the end.

His mum and dad and his brother are always bragging about there next holiday. It eats DH up as he can’t go. “I fucking hate my life” “rather be dead” “can’t do anything anymore”

I can’t stand listening to it! It is what it is we’re not in there position. They don’t have young kids and that’s ok.

AIBU to be annoyed with him? I actually don’t mind our life. It’s hard I wish I could spend more time with my kids and go to more places. But it is what it is.

Does he think you LOVE changing nappies and not going on holiday? Surely grown ups see it’s just a phase and get on without all the moaning?

He thinks once a year isnt enough? some peo0ple dont go anywhere ever

tell him to grow the fuck up

I'd afford a (very small) degree of sympathy to him if you just had the one kid - that's presumably as much of a shock to the system financially as it is in other ways. But you guys have three, of course that's had a huge impact on your finances and flexibility, and after the first that really shouldn't have been a huge surprise.
I'd have to sit him down and talk about the impact of his words on you. That he is saying he'd rather be dead and leave you and the kids grieving, than to not be able to go on holiday with his mummy and daddy. My next move would depend on if he changed or not, but if he didn't then I'd be ending a relationship with a man who thought I was worth less than a holiday.

Tell this pathetic prick to grow up.

Wants to die because he can't go on holiday with his mummy...and he has 3 kids?

What on earth do you find attractive about him? Seriously...

I don't think his family's constant bragging will be doing anyone any good, funny how no-one mentions that. We're on the receiving end of it constantly from DH's childless sister and frankly when you're already not on top form it doesn't half drag you down.

I wouldn’t say we was struggling as our life is still ok I know people have it much worse. But everything we want or do is saved up for.
however we can’t afford to go on 6+ holidays a year. It’s just not possible! Not that I could get the time off work anyway! So it’s tough.

I don’t know maybe he is depressed. We don’t really have any help with kids. So it’s hard but at the end of the day we chose to have them. I don’t really think into things like he does. I just keep going and look forward to the good times that we do have and just hope that eventually things will turn out ok.

All of this. I think you should take seriously what he is telling you. His feelings are valid too and life should not feel like constant drudgery. Can his family not go on a cheaper trip that he can afford?

Not to go all Gywneth-Paltrow-Goop on you but perspective changes a lot.

You are blessed with 3 kids. You both have jobs, he is running a business that is doing well and sounds like you could be pretty comfortable financially in years to come.

His parents are still alive and have the money and health to look after themselves and go on regular holidays.

I can only go on the info in your OP but those are all wonderful things. I am sure you have hardships and struggles as we all do but he has things to be thankful for nonetheless.

I've known people die of cancer before they hit 30. I've known people who work full time and still can't afford a holiday. We're not in Ukraine or refugees trying to cross the channel in a tiny boat, risking our lives to find a safe place to live.

I am not judging because I know I am not as grateful as I should be but sometimes we get so wrapped up in the petty minutiae of our lives we forget to step back and think about how the rest of the world is doing.

*who died of cancer

YABU

You can’t help being depressed.
If someone is telling you they don’t want to live anymore then it is serious and you need to listen.

I had depression after having my DD.
I resented my life and the fact I couldn’t have a shower whenever I want or go for a quick walk by myself.
To anyone it would have seen ridiculous but my feelings were genuine.

Tell him to go and see his gp and that things will get better.

Yanbu it's a horrible distressing thing to hear!

*And also maybe if your DH is unhappy he needs to assess what he could change or do differently, whether you need to change your budgeting so you have more fun trips away for a weekend or something like that. We could all die tomorrow, so we need to find joy in the here and now too.

OP and DH go on a 2.5k holiday once a year.

He's not living a life of drudgery and struggle.

What do they use for money for him to get more than his family?

He's not depressed if he's saying life isn't worth living because he wants more holidays than the 2.5k yearly holiday he already has.

He's being a selfish spoiled twat.

What the heck did he think having 3 young children would be like???

I mean, unless you had an unplanned pregnancy with triplets, he was involved with decision making.

*and I have written my answer under the assumption your DH is just having a moan and missing regular holidays and your life pre-kids.

If your DH is actually experiencing symptoms of depression, I am sorry and have no desire to be flippant/ dismissive of his pain.

Please never ignore someone who says that they are suicidal. At times when I’ve been feeling depressed or suicidal I actually “knew” intellectually that it was irrational but it didn’t make any difference to my emotional/mental state

I would suggest in a non judgemental way that he talks to the GP. It doesn’t matter whether we (or you) think that something is a reason to be depressed or suicidal if it makes the person feel that way. It may be just something he’s saying, he’s a man child or the other things from previous posts.

It may be serious depression and the reasons he gives are what he thinks is wrong or he’s hiding or doesn’t know himself. if his family were able to afford multiple holidays when he was young he may feel your DC are kissing out. Yes it might sound ridiculous.

@sadsack78 your one million percent right.

He even said to me this morning “I think I need to come of social media” because all he ever sees is people going on holidays and he’s stuck here.

It’s just moan moan moan all the bloody time. Between social media and his family bragging about holidays it’s eating him alive.

Why are some posters actually suggesting that some allowances be made so that the poor diddums can go off on at least one extra trip with his family and leaving his poor wife to work fulltime and look after three kids? Where is her extra holiday? Her husband sounds like a petulant toddler. Anybody who gets to work part-time and spends the rest of the time working on his business and is threatening to kill himself because he only gets one holiday a year rather than six holidays a year is, well words fail me. He sounds so stupid, are you sure this business of his is going to fly?

I wonder if posters saying things like "what did he think life would be like with small children" would say that to a woman struggling with PND? He may just be being a prick, but he may also be struggling with depression - it's not exactly unknown for men to kill themselves after all.

6 holidays a year?!!

Your husband’s family are clearly extremely wealthy.

Perhaps, growing up with such wealth, he does not realise how fortunate his family are. Life satisfaction is always a relative thing isn’t it. We none of us like making so with less, even though it seems utterly ridiculous when his family are so much better off than the vast majority of others.

Sounds like he needs to go and see a counsellor. Would probably do him some good to mix and make friends with those less fortunate than himself, get out of the circles his family moves in and get a sense of what life is like for those of us who get one holiday every six years.

I love this! 💕

Tell him to fucking grow up, he’s a father now and threatening to end his life over lack of holidays is down right abusive. Comparison is the thief of joy.

I can’t even imagine where this would have sent me when me when I was depressed but to the outside world (and I did) had a very fortunate life. I can see it now with my medication, time and therapy. I know to some of you it’s a big joke or just couldn’t be real. Treat it like it might be.