Leaving dog for 12 hours

[IggyNora]

My MIL has a 1 year old bichon who is left for 12 hours 2 days a week, with only the neighbour going in to open the door for it to go to the toilet. One of the days it does a daycare type thing at someone's house and the the other 2 she is home.

DH has started going in for a few hours on one of the days and I do the other day. We are finding this far too annoying, we constantly have to think about it, etc. I spoke to MIL who said she completely understands and that she has never asked us to do that (which is true she hasn't, but I feel bad for the dog) she says he is absolutely fine and to just not go if we don't want to.

I said to her can't she do the daycare place for those other 2 days and she kind of just laughed and said "who is paying". I get I should maybe stay out of it but it's a bit hard knowing there is a young dog alone for so long.

@SlipSlidinAway but you're basically saying that you know your dog is happy because of their behaviour (following you around) but other dog owners can't know that their dog is happy by their behaviour (sleeping or being calm or not following them around).

I'm sure you're right that you do know that your dog is happy but I think other dog owners are also capable of knowing that theirs is too

I agree. It is cruel.

And even those people who use cameras - the fact that a dog's asleep all day doesn't mean they're happy.

And equally, the fact that your dogs follow you around all day doesn't mean they're happy either.

In fact, some people would argue that your dogs are quite anxious if they follow you everywhere and only really ever settle/sleep in the same room as you.

Ha, x-post almost with @Theelephantinthecastle

Your MIL is very irresponsible.

I’d continue to go round for the dog but I’d secretly hate MIL for being such a cunt. Poor dog.

Yes that would be my first thought - of my dogs one, a bitch (that we have had since birth), is more anxious and is unusually fixated on/adores my daughter - follows her around and sleeps with her if she is allowed but only displays this behaviour when daughter is home from university. Otherwise she chills with her brother and mother and behaves normally with the rest of us - she doesn't appear to pine - it's out of sight - out of mind!

Good god, are you always this dramatic?

In fact, some people would argue that your dogs are quite anxious if they follow you everywhere and only really ever settle/sleep in the same room as you.

Well not really. I interact with them a lot so I'm a person of interest. If I go in the garden they know there'll be digging they can get involved with, balls will be thrown. If I go in the kitchen food will be involved. You get the picture. Believe me they're far from anxious!

Dramatic to love animals and know that someone is a cunt if they think it’s ok to leave a dog alone for 12 hours.

What’s up? Hit a nerve or something?

No @CampfiresAndGuitars you didn't hit a nerve, but thanks for your concern.

So what do you suggest? Shift workers, people who travel for work, or commute should never get a dog?

What if your life/family circumstances change? Part-time might become full-time work? You should get rid of the dog because it might be alone for too long during the day?

If doggy daycare isn't an option (which it isn't for all dogs)...or you don't have anyone to walk your dog during the day...what then? Or the CoL has affected you and you can no longer afford the dog walker but you still have to work.

Or should only rich people who don't work full-time get a dog?

I was simply saying in my previous posts that it isn't ideal, but to say it's cruel is dramatic. I assume the dog in question has access to warmth, shelter, a bed, water and toys. Funny definition of cruelty.

I’d also do it for the dog but your MIL is a cunt OP. It’s cruel to leave a dog alone for so long.

I didn't say they were anxious - I'm saying that, from reading the snapshot you've posted about their lives (and how they follow you everywhere/only really sleep around you) it could easily be interpreted that way.

There is a couple days in week mine are left between 8-4 because of the way work and school/college patterns are working right now. I find that when I'm home with them they pretty much sleep between 8-4 and then are active and lively for the evening which is when we are all home and busy, taking them out with us etc. The other days of week someone is home most of the day but they still just relax and lay on chair.
Dogs get used to their routine like people do.

It’s really cruel to leave any dog for that long. Another vote for her being a cunt. I’d keep visiting the dog but I’d tell her exactly what I think.

Not ideal, but not abuse and far better than kennels. Ideally should have daycare or a dog walker but it is what it is.

Not ideal but isn't abuse and honestly isn't the end of the world.
Keep in mind in settings like rescue (I worked in one) dogs can spends weeks or months alone for 20 plus hours a day. It's not against any laws.
Some dogs cope better than others if the dog is used to this routine it should be fine.

Some people are selfish bastards who shouldn't be allowed to have pets. Yanbu. Dogs should not be kept alone for that length of time; people do it but it's very cruel.

There's a reason rescues say 4 hours is the very max a dog should be left alone. Dogs are pack animals and social creatures, they might resign themselves to being left alone but it doesn't mean they're ok with it or happy, they just literally have no other choice.

People who are going to be out for big chunks of the day need to have a dog walker/day care, if you can't afford a dog walker or day care then you can't afford to look after your dog properly and no you shouldn't have one.

It might only be in recent times that people think dogs shouldn't be left alone but before that they probably spent a lot of their time out roaming around like they still do in places in Europe - either that or people just didn't know better. People are very selfish and will come up with anything to excuse treating their pets badly.

Some people only come on MN to call MiLs cunts.

It's a dog ffs. It's not sitting there watching the clock all day. Plus a neighbour is letting it out.

@Superdupes, that’s a good point about dogs roaming. I’ve noticed this in various parts of Europe. Dogs with collars who look well cared for just wandering around the neighbourhoods. They get a lot of exercise and stimulation and presumably don’t need as much walking and stimulation from their owners.

If my daughter/son-in-law thought marrying one of my children entitled them to interfere in my life like this and indeed enter my house without my knowledge and permission (which is beyond rude) I am afraid the locks would be changed and babysitting would come to a sharp halt.

Thankfully, I cannot imagine any of them having such poor social skills to do it for such a non-problem.

I give no fucks if that makes me a cunt. Too old to bother tolerating toxic, judgemental, family anymore.

I agree. But it’s sad that lots on here leave dogs all day.

They justify it by saying ‘what are you supposed to do if you go out to work’ which my answer is ‘don’t get a dog’.

Some people think they have a god given right to own a dog despite not having a lifestyle that would suit that. So these poor dogs are left shut in a house on their own all day. It’s cruel. They are sociable creatures.

I only agreed to get a dog because I work part time from home. And DH also works from home a couple of times a week.

It’s not MILs in particular that I call cunts, it’s people that don’t provide a good home to the animals that they choose to have. This woman just happens to be OPs MIL. She leaves her dog for 12 hours, so yes, she’s a cunt.

Actually, most dogs find mixing with dogs that they don't know stressful to at least some degree. Socialisation in kennels can be really stressful.

I think 12hrs is too long to be alone twice a week

Can the dog come to yours so you don't have to go there

Or a dog Walker to pop in and grab for an hours walk mid day

A yr old dog is still a puppy so needs interaction and love