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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Leaving dog for 12 hours

115 replies

IggyNora · 14/05/2023 10:26

My MIL has a 1 year old bichon who is left for 12 hours 2 days a week, with only the neighbour going in to open the door for it to go to the toilet. One of the days it does a daycare type thing at someone's house and the the other 2 she is home.

DH has started going in for a few hours on one of the days and I do the other day. We are finding this far too annoying, we constantly have to think about it, etc. I spoke to MIL who said she completely understands and that she has never asked us to do that (which is true she hasn't, but I feel bad for the dog) she says he is absolutely fine and to just not go if we don't want to.

I said to her can't she do the daycare place for those other 2 days and she kind of just laughed and said "who is paying". I get I should maybe stay out of it but it's a bit hard knowing there is a young dog alone for so long.

OP posts:

Paperlate · 14/05/2023 10:29

I'm sure the dog will survive if a neighbour is going in.

Original poster

IggyNora · 14/05/2023 10:31

The neighbour only opens the door, waits for it to go to the toilet and then leaves. Isn't it worse on a dog? They're so excited when you get there and I'd feel awful leaving right away (hence I stay for a few hours as how can you see them so happy to see you, to then just leave)

OP posts:

CalistoNoSolo · 14/05/2023 10:34

Your mil is being massively unreasonable and shouldn't have a dog if she isn't prepared to care for it. I wouldn't be able to stay out of it either, and would be prepared to tell her exactly how U she is being.

Vikingthings · 14/05/2023 10:35

What is your proposed alternative solution?

Does MIL take good care of the dog in all other aspects? Is he treated with love, all of his needs met, goes for vets visits whenever needed, have a good quality diet, goes for walks he enjoys?

It's not ideal for leave a dog for 12 hours at all, but like I say - what is your proposed alternative, and other than these two days, does the dog have a good life?

Sissynova · 14/05/2023 10:35

Honestly I think you’re being ridiculous saying you feel so bad for the dog that you must stay for hours. Your MIL hasn’t asked you to do it so you can’t complain about it.

The dog can be walked in the morning or evening and has someone checking on it during the day. It’s not that bad.

Theelephantinthecastle · 14/05/2023 10:36

It's her dog. If she says he is absolutely fine, I would stay out of it.

This idea that dogs can't be left alone is quite a recent one

Hugasauras · 14/05/2023 10:37

Honestly it's not ideal but it's relatively recent all this doggy daycare stuff. My DH's childhood dogs were routinely left for fairly long periods while people were at work/school and they were used to it, so although I wouldn't do it, for two days a week I think there are a lot worse things that could be happening.

MiL has been clear that she isn't changing everything so it's entirely your choice to make, not hers.

monsteramunch · 14/05/2023 10:37

What a selfish owner she is. A one year old dog left for twelve hours a day without stimulation other than being let out for a wee once or twice is completely unacceptable. Poor little thing.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 14/05/2023 10:38

Plenty of dogs are left all day with someone popping in to let them out to the toilet.

It's not perfect but honestly unless the dog is distressed or becoming destructive, there are far worse things in the world than it being left in the comfort of its own home with food and water and a comfy bed to sleep on.

I don't know why you've taken it upon yourselves to go into your MIL's house to keep her dog company - she hasn't asked and it doesn't sound like the dog needs it.

My dog is just as excited to see me whether I've been gone two minutes or two hours

monsteramunch · 14/05/2023 10:39

monsteramunch · 14/05/2023 10:37

What a selfish owner she is. A one year old dog left for twelve hours a day without stimulation other than being let out for a wee once or twice is completely unacceptable. Poor little thing.

To be clear, I understand that in emergencies this may be unavoidable. But two days a week every week, no.

custardbear · 14/05/2023 10:39

12 hours! That's terrible! Once maybe ... but not regularly

Hugasauras · 14/05/2023 10:39

And yes, my dog greets me like I've been gone for 6 months every time I pop to the shop

electriclight · 14/05/2023 10:41

It is not ideal but it isn't abuse and you don't need to interfere. Outrageous that you chose to go in to help and then complain that this is annoying. It is her dog. Does she tell you when your parenting is not optimal? Dogs live for a long time and circumstances change. Not everyone can afford day care or a walker. It sounds as if she is doing her best with four days at home, a day in daycare, and two days where a neighbour pops in.

Bathroomlove · 14/05/2023 10:49

Some dogs would be fine, some wouldn't.

as long as it has access to water & gets toilet breaks it'll probably be fine.

if you want to go, go. If you don't, don't.

coukd you have it at your house instead of going there?

could she afford a dog Walker on those days? Or could you DH walk it/play in the garden for half an hour?

does it have toys? Kongs etc?

it's her dog, she thinks it's fine, it's not abusive, ergo it's none of your business. Offer help if you want to, but don't then bitch about helping.

Cantthinkofaname2203 · 14/05/2023 10:52

Is it two consecutive days?

could you offer to take it for the 48 hours a week?

could be best of both worlds, get some of the good things of dog ownership without the commitment?

BungleandGeorge · 14/05/2023 10:54

It probably just sleeps most of that time.

LadyEloise1 · 14/05/2023 11:01

monsteramunch · 14/05/2023 10:37

What a selfish owner she is. A one year old dog left for twelve hours a day without stimulation other than being let out for a wee once or twice is completely unacceptable. Poor little thing.

This 🥲

halfsiesonapotnoodle · 14/05/2023 11:11

This is so cruel and utterly depressing to read. The absolute fucking entitlement of some people. Fuck the dog and its needs, I'm having a dog because I want one. Me.me.me.

pinkstripeycat · 14/05/2023 11:16

Theelephantinthecastle · Today 10:36

This idea that dogs can't be left alone is quite a recent one

No it isn’t. We had dogs as children in the 70s & 80s and my grandma would let the dogs out during the day and my mum would go home on her lunch and let them out. We used to leave the radio on for them as we thought it kept them company.

As a young adult my boyfriend had dogs and they would destroy the house while we were at work.

It wasn’t a thing to give dogs toys to play with and chew although it really should have been. Most people didn’t have a clue how to treat dogs back then like they do now.

Not as many people had dogs either. Now most families have one

ConcernedCatmother · 14/05/2023 11:17

Tbh, just stop doing it. It’s not ideal but not the end of the world. Stop interfering so much

Original poster

IggyNora · 14/05/2023 11:17

It is very depressing and that's why I can't just stay out of it or struggle to not find it annoying that I have to step up even though I've not been asked, etc. but that's because I actually care about the dog.

Yes the dog is well looked after outside of this. She spends quite a bit on his diet and stuff and I think surely feeding less expensive (she does raw with other stuff) and using it to make sure the dog isn't alone for so long would be more beneficial to the dog. I'm obviously not advocating feeding it poorly but there must be a medium that's better for the dog.

I get what you're saying about things being an issue more recently. My parents had dogs growing up and they were also left all working and school day with everyone else doing the exact same, doesn't make it right though, just like lots of things that have changed, especially with pet care.

OP posts:

pinkstripeycat · 14/05/2023 11:18

BungleandGeorge · Today 10:54
It probably just sleeps most of that time.

if you watch video camera of dogs in the home alone they really don’t sleep most of the time. Sounds outside bother and scare them. Our dog wanders about all day in between naps. Because of my past experiences with dogs we only have one now because we are at home most of the time and when we have to leave the dog for more than 3 hours he goes to my mums.

HannahLove · 14/05/2023 11:22

I’d feel bad for the dog too, OP and would probably want to sit with him for a few hours too.

What does your MIL do for these 12 hours?

Tellmeimcrazy · 14/05/2023 11:23

It's actually irresponsible. 12 hours is way too long for such a young dog or any dog. How boring. Dogs are social animals. Does she even leave the radio on for the poor thing? Would it work for you guys to have the dog at yours instead? You could work out drop offs and pick ups?

Nightytwine · 14/05/2023 11:24

monsteramunch · 14/05/2023 10:39

To be clear, I understand that in emergencies this may be unavoidable. But two days a week every week, no.

Show quote history

Absolutely agree with this.

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