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Original poster

Leaving dog for 12 hours

115 replies

IggyNora · 14/05/2023 10:26

My MIL has a 1 year old bichon who is left for 12 hours 2 days a week, with only the neighbour going in to open the door for it to go to the toilet. One of the days it does a daycare type thing at someone's house and the the other 2 she is home.

DH has started going in for a few hours on one of the days and I do the other day. We are finding this far too annoying, we constantly have to think about it, etc. I spoke to MIL who said she completely understands and that she has never asked us to do that (which is true she hasn't, but I feel bad for the dog) she says he is absolutely fine and to just not go if we don't want to.

I said to her can't she do the daycare place for those other 2 days and she kind of just laughed and said "who is paying". I get I should maybe stay out of it but it's a bit hard knowing there is a young dog alone for so long.

OP posts:
Whatkindofuckeryisthis · 14/05/2023 11:26

IggyNora · 14/05/2023 11:17

It is very depressing and that's why I can't just stay out of it or struggle to not find it annoying that I have to step up even though I've not been asked, etc. but that's because I actually care about the dog.

Yes the dog is well looked after outside of this. She spends quite a bit on his diet and stuff and I think surely feeding less expensive (she does raw with other stuff) and using it to make sure the dog isn't alone for so long would be more beneficial to the dog. I'm obviously not advocating feeding it poorly but there must be a medium that's better for the dog.

I get what you're saying about things being an issue more recently. My parents had dogs growing up and they were also left all working and school day with everyone else doing the exact same, doesn't make it right though, just like lots of things that have changed, especially with pet care.

It’s one day! She hasn’t asked you to go in. I leave my dog two days a week for 6 hours and one day for 9 hours when I nip home to literally let her wee then go back to work. Dogs don’t need to be with someone 24/7 and it’s probably good for the dog to get used to being on their own. When I go home for mine she’s fast asleep. What do you think most people who work do?!

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 14/05/2023 11:29

It is very depressing and that's why I can't just stay out of it or struggle to not find it annoying that I have to step up even though I've not been asked, etc. but that's because I actually care about the dog.

But MIL cares about her dog too - that's why she pays for a raw diet, and daycare, and arranges for a neighbour to pop in during the day.

It may not be what you would do, but it's also not your dog. You can't really complain about how annoying the visits are when you're the one choosing to take on the extra work.

ConsuelaHammock · 14/05/2023 11:31

She will know her dog better then you. The dog will be fine . They’re animals not children. I don’t understand doggy day care either. They’re animals, we’re turning them into babies.

GADDay · 14/05/2023 11:36

It is a dog not a toddler. You weren't asked to interfere.

Butt out.

Scalottia · 14/05/2023 11:36

It's a...dog. Not a toddler. Stop anthropomorphising dogs, you are just creating problems for yourselves! They are animals and being left for 12hrs isn't cruel. Is it great? No, but sometimes it's necessary, because you know, most of us have to work for a living.

DifferenceEngines · 14/05/2023 11:37

pinkstripeycat · 14/05/2023 11:18

BungleandGeorge · Today 10:54
It probably just sleeps most of that time.

if you watch video camera of dogs in the home alone they really don’t sleep most of the time. Sounds outside bother and scare them. Our dog wanders about all day in between naps. Because of my past experiences with dogs we only have one now because we are at home most of the time and when we have to leave the dog for more than 3 hours he goes to my mums.

Some dogs do sleep all day, though. I've got friends who watch their dogs on cameras, and there are dogs who do that. It depends a lot on the dog.

DifferenceEngines · 14/05/2023 11:38

Scalottia · 14/05/2023 11:36

It's a...dog. Not a toddler. Stop anthropomorphising dogs, you are just creating problems for yourselves! They are animals and being left for 12hrs isn't cruel. Is it great? No, but sometimes it's necessary, because you know, most of us have to work for a living.

This. Some dogs will be distressed by this arrangement, and some will be fine.

Whenisitsummer · 14/05/2023 11:41

Personally, I wouldn’t leave a dog for 12 hours a day but mils dog is probably used to the routine. Your mil hasn’t asked for your input. Agree with what others have said , I only have to pop to the shop and my dog will act like he hasn’t seen me for six months when I get back. It isn’t an indication of anything really. I think that in the absence of abuse, where a dog is generally well cared for, people should be left to ‘pet parent’ their own way.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 14/05/2023 11:42

DifferenceEngines · 14/05/2023 11:37

Some dogs do sleep all day, though. I've got friends who watch their dogs on cameras, and there are dogs who do that. It depends a lot on the dog.

Show quote history

Exactly, it's so dog dependent.

My own dog would actually never cope being left all day - so we don't leave him. But that doesn't mean other dogs aren't perfectly okay with that arrangement.

Lots of dogs don't cope in daycare either - it can be very stressful and over-stimulating for them.

SlipSlidinAway · 14/05/2023 11:43

It always annoys me when owners say their dog is 'fine' being left alone for long periods. How exactly do they know? Just because the dog hasn't reached the point of being so bored/distressed it's chewing up the house, doesn't mean it's not miserable.

I also hate the other frequently trotted out comment that 'I know lots of people who leave their dogs alone all day'. As if the fact that lots of people do it means it's okay 🙄

CurlewKate · 14/05/2023 11:44

"Most people didn’t have a clue how to treat dogs back then like they do now."

Yep. It's only in the last 20 years people have learned how to look after dogs!🤣🤣🤣

Ladykryptonite · 14/05/2023 11:46

I can't believe how long people leave their dogs for

Scalottia · 14/05/2023 11:47

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 14/05/2023 11:42

Exactly, it's so dog dependent.

My own dog would actually never cope being left all day - so we don't leave him. But that doesn't mean other dogs aren't perfectly okay with that arrangement.

Lots of dogs don't cope in daycare either - it can be very stressful and over-stimulating for them.

Show quote history

Exactly - I have worked for a dog daycare and that also is no picnic for some of the dogs, believe me. It isn't a magic solution.

Best thing to do (if possible when the dog is young) is to try to teach your dog to be alone, starting with very small amounts of time (don't suddenly make it 12hrs!) Most dogs will be fine. They truly don't understand time like we do.

Mytholmroyd · 14/05/2023 11:49

A happy dog is supposed to sleep for 16 hours a day - mine do - although it can be dog and breed dependent - some are just hyper active. So if the dog is getting love, exercise and toilet breaks and is otherwise content and balanced I don't see the issue.

SlipSlidinAway · 14/05/2023 11:54

@CurlewKate - well yes. There have been phenomenal developments in understanding dogs and how to treat them in recent decades.

My parents were lovely people and loved the dogs we had. I grew up in the 60s/70s and can remember them rubbing our dog's nose in a mess she had made in the house. Horrific thing to do and people know much better now.

SquashAndPineapple · 14/05/2023 11:58

Ok, so mil sounds like a pretty good dog owner to me. She feeds it well, cares for it, provides doggy daycare and has arranged for a neighbour to pop in on the two days where she needs to be away. I get that only having 5 days a week where you are having optimum care, and having two long days without much stimulation or walking isn't ideal. But to fair, this dog isn't being abused, or mistreated. Mil is doing her best by having a neighbour pop in. It's only two days. The other five the dog is probably living his best life! Dog will get used to the routine. It really is no big deal

I think (and I mean this nicely) that you should butt out!! If you what to help by popping in, then do so. If you don't, don't. But don't whinge about it when you've never been asked! People that stick their noses in and moan about then having to do work are quite annoying! If MIL was mistreating the dog or hadn't got a neighbour to pop in when she's not there, I might say there is reason to be involved. But in this case I think you are causing your own strife. Help if you want, don't it you don't! Sound like that's what MIL is saying too! She has done nothing wrong IMO!!

Sunnycornwallanddevon · 14/05/2023 11:59

SlipSlidinAway · 14/05/2023 11:43

It always annoys me when owners say their dog is 'fine' being left alone for long periods. How exactly do they know? Just because the dog hasn't reached the point of being so bored/distressed it's chewing up the house, doesn't mean it's not miserable.

I also hate the other frequently trotted out comment that 'I know lots of people who leave their dogs alone all day'. As if the fact that lots of people do it means it's okay 🙄

Totally agree

waterlego · 14/05/2023 11:59

16 hours sleep a day sounds about right but you wouldn’t want your dog to do 12 of those while you’re out at work ‘cause then it’s only going to need about four hours sleep overnight.

It is cruel to leave a dog for this long. Awful to pop in and see how pleased they are to see you, only to let them out for a quick wee and then bugger off again. Most dogs are social creatures, they like human company.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 14/05/2023 12:01

Scalottia · 14/05/2023 11:47

Exactly - I have worked for a dog daycare and that also is no picnic for some of the dogs, believe me. It isn't a magic solution.

Best thing to do (if possible when the dog is young) is to try to teach your dog to be alone, starting with very small amounts of time (don't suddenly make it 12hrs!) Most dogs will be fine. They truly don't understand time like we do.

Show quote history

Precisely - anthropomorphising dogs really doesn't do them (or us) any favours.

We have absolutely no evidence that this dog is unhappy - and by all accounts, it's well taken care of. It has a good diet, goes to daycare once a week, and has it's owner home four days a week. Being left alone twice a week with a neighbour popping in is hardly the neglect some people are making it out to be.

Personally I would never leave my dog that long, but that's because I know he wouldn't cope. But I work with dogs who are left all day with just a visit at lunchtime and they're all happy, well-balanced animals who show no signs of distress or unhappiness. They spend their days sleeping, sunbathing, playing with toys and watching birds out of the window (the owners have cameras set up).
r
The fact that the dog goes bonkers when OP turns up doesn't mean it's unhappy either - I can leave my dog for thirty seconds to pop to the car and he acts like he's not seen me in a month when I come back in Grin

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 14/05/2023 12:03

waterlego · 14/05/2023 11:59

16 hours sleep a day sounds about right but you wouldn’t want your dog to do 12 of those while you’re out at work ‘cause then it’s only going to need about four hours sleep overnight.

It is cruel to leave a dog for this long. Awful to pop in and see how pleased they are to see you, only to let them out for a quick wee and then bugger off again. Most dogs are social creatures, they like human company.

My dog is pleased to see me after I've popped upstairs to get a jumper - it doesn't mean that he's distressed.

bigTillyMint · 14/05/2023 12:05

I am waiting till I retire to get a dog because I wouldn’t want to leave one the 8 hours I’m out.

people saying some dogs are ok with it, what breeds are they please?

Fairytoast · 14/05/2023 12:06

No dog should be left alone for that long, your mil is cruel. Dogs thrive in company and should not be left alone for more than 4 hours, ideally. We have a rescue, he was left all day, every day for the first year of his life. He has so many issues due to this. People saying it’s ok and dogs are fine with this don’t understand dogs and should never own them. Being left for hours on end especially without any form of enrichment or play is detrimental to their health and development. You are very kind to help out, your mil should appreciate that.

Mytholmroyd · 14/05/2023 12:08

waterlego · 14/05/2023 11:59

16 hours sleep a day sounds about right but you wouldn’t want your dog to do 12 of those while you’re out at work ‘cause then it’s only going to need about four hours sleep overnight.

It is cruel to leave a dog for this long. Awful to pop in and see how pleased they are to see you, only to let them out for a quick wee and then bugger off again. Most dogs are social creatures, they like human company.

They also like the company of other dogs - I have three so they are never 'alone'.

BungleandGeorge · 14/05/2023 12:12

Do people constantly entertain their dogs when they are with them? Surely most dogs are sat around snoozing a good portion of the day?

Shelby2010 · 14/05/2023 12:14

Could you take the dog back to your house for part of the day if you WFH? Or MIL drops it off to you for the day?