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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

worried neighbour will report me to social sevices

125 replies

worriedmummt · 12/05/2023 21:04

I live on a cull de sac just off a main road which also has lots of houses on it and a shop etc. I went round to my neighbour’s to borrow some gardening stuff. She is 3 detached houses down. We were in her garage for around 5 minutes as she handed me things and explained which were useful and which weren’t etc. I then took them round and ten mins later she turned up with something she had forgotten to include. The baby was sat in her high chair in the room overlooking the back garden with the door unlocked but not sure if the neighbour knew this. I said to neighbour that I didn’t need the hose as it wouldn’t reach round from the garage and that I would take it back now for her. She is in her seventies and it was reasonably heavy. At that moment dd began screeching from her high chair and neighbour said oh your daughter is in here is she?! Sort of astonished that i had left her to collect the stuff and start gardening etc. I told dd to shush and from the door and said to neighbour I wanted to take the hose round as it was heavy. She was a bit off with me and then I came back home, all in all around a minute. I have since realised that this is the woman who has reported two people to social services in the area and that she is known for making a big thing about child safety after she lost her dc as a baby. Dd is 6 months.

I know what I did was probably wrong…. And I won’t lie to social services obviously, but what can I expect to happen? I think I just thought dd would be safe in her high chair and didn’t think massively about the length of time it would take to carry all the things round. Only when I saw the shock on my neighbour’s face did I think about it. I feel shit so please don’t have a go at me for this, I do know it was an error of judgement. I’ve been overwhelmed with things to do and I was just trying to get things sorted round the house, I know it’s no excuse but that was my thought process. Will they turn up out of the blue? Does anyone know what will happen?

OP posts:

Newuser82 · 12/05/2023 21:06

I don't know what will happen to be honest but I guess you will have to wait and see. Sounds like you have learnt your lesson though.

PuffinMcStuffin · 12/05/2023 21:08

You'd be better not doing it again. Not because she might report you, but because it's a pretty bad idea to leave a 6 month old unattended for that length of time.

Isthisexpected · 12/05/2023 21:10

All you can do is explain you've learnt from it and won't do it again if they come. It isn't child removal territory!

Ilovetea42 · 12/05/2023 21:12

My ds is coming 6 months soon and I understand the pressure of trying to get things done with a baby. I find baby wearing helpful when I need to be hands free and he's clingy or if all else fails I'll make sure he's on the floor and can't reach anything that would be harmful. We'll probably get a play pen shortly as he's getting much more mobile. And as pp have said you've learnt your lesson.

They might turn up out of the blue but I'd say they've a reasonably high threshold to see a need for them to be consistently involved. If everything else is good in the home and you're meeting your child's needs adequately then they'll probably just want to see that you understand why it wasn't a great idea and what you would do in future to manege situations like that. They might want to chat about what family support you have, would anyone come watch dd for you if you need to do some stuff around the house for example more to help you plan it out for yourself as a resource. Remember that social services first goal is to make sure kids are safe and second is that they stay with their family or at least try to work towards that. It sounds like your neighbour is working from a place of her own trauma understandably and if she's made prior reports it's possible she's known to ss.

IHadADreamBut · 12/05/2023 21:12

To be honest, unless she has more evidence of child neglect and safety concerns, they probably won't do anything. Parents make mistakes and if it's this one event, I doubt they'd come knocking unless she pads it up with more stories to get them to visit.

Nothing will be done if everything else is above board with you and your child. As you day, just explain to them.

Minierme · 12/05/2023 21:13

When I lived in a farmhouse taking my bins out probably was as long. I personally don’t think this is the sort of thing SS should remotely get involved with. But if they were called they would probably ask you to promise you wouldn’t do it again.

Singleandproud · 12/05/2023 21:15

You shouldn't have done it but how did she know there wasn't anyone else in your house with her? A grandparent, a friend etc, learn your lesson but don't worry about SS

OlympicProcrastinator · 12/05/2023 21:20

Social services will give zero shits about this, they are so overwhelmed. It would take so much more than that she’d have to over egg the pudding to get anyone to come out.

But you know leaving a little one is a bad idea for their safety so don’t do it again for that reason alone. Try to move on, you’ll be ok.

BounceyB · 12/05/2023 21:21

I really wouldn't worry too much about. It wasn’t great but DD is okay. Social services have bigger dish to fry than a woman that left her baby unattended for a few minutes.

Reugny · 12/05/2023 21:23

If you are going to leave your daughter unattended to empty the bins or quickly do something outside don't leave her in a high chair.

Get a play pen or have a secure room you can leave her in. Make sure you can hear her as well from outside.

Rosebel · 12/05/2023 21:35

I doubt they'll do anything. Tbh on the one occasion I had to deal with SS they were totally useless and didn't give two shits about leaving a young person homeless so they aren't going to do much about a baby left alone for a few minutes.
If for whatever reason they do they might visit you but if they see baby is well cared for that'll probably be the end of it.

ProjectsGalore · 12/05/2023 21:36

I think you should worry less about what Social services will say/do and work out why you thought that was okay. Babies have died from falling out of high chairs. What was she doing in there? Eating her lunch? No way is a baby safe being left unattended in a high chair.

NotmyRLname · 12/05/2023 21:47

how would she know that you hadn’t put her in the high chair once you came back from hers and before she brought hose round?
social services really won’t give a toss about that. Relax x

FilthyforFirth · 12/05/2023 21:51

Did you leave your baby eating?

TeaKitten · 12/05/2023 21:55

I doubt social services will be too worried. But don’t ever leave your child unattended, especially in a high chair! It’s not at all safe. If she’d been asleep it’d be a bit safer but high chairs can tip and leaving your awake alert baby unattended at home just isn’t ok really. Hopefully this is a lesson learnt for you.

Original poster

worriedmummt · 12/05/2023 21:55

I’m so stressed about this I feel sick.

usually I am absolutely obsessive about safety and I just felt I was nipping round and didn’t really think it through.

no she wasn’t eating she had the Sophie giraffe and was watching cocomelon… first time she’s ever even watched tv, that’s how strict I am usually. I just felt busy today and she seemed content so I went round.

OP posts:

1of2 · 12/05/2023 21:55

NotmyRLname · 12/05/2023 21:47

how would she know that you hadn’t put her in the high chair once you came back from hers and before she brought hose round?
social services really won’t give a toss about that. Relax x

Exactly what I thought. You could have put her in 30 seconds before she came round, for all she knew. Could have been asleep in her cot and then woken up, in that 10 minute space.

Sissynova · 12/05/2023 21:56

Sort of astonished that i had left her to collect the stuff and start gardening etc.

You left a baby inside while you were planning on doing some gardening? Im
not surprised she was astonished. You’re not going to have your baby removed by social services but it’s still a fucking stupid thing to do.
I’ve known babies to fall out of highchairs because parents rarely use the harness at home. It’s not a safe place to be left unattended.

Original poster

worriedmummt · 12/05/2023 21:57

@Sissynova dd was right next to the window in the chair, so I could see her when in the garden. I always use the harness. I feel so upset with myself over this.

OP posts:

TeaKitten · 12/05/2023 21:58

Even so if she’s wide awake she should be in the garden with you… she’s barely old enough to sleep in a room alone, never mind being left unattended in a high chair. If the high chair tipped while you were outside, you’d still be too far away to stop it.

Sissynova · 12/05/2023 22:02

worriedmummt · 12/05/2023 21:57

@Sissynova dd was right next to the window in the chair, so I could see her when in the garden. I always use the harness. I feel so upset with myself over this.

You literally said you were in your neighbours garage for 5 minutes so there’s no way you were also right by your own window the whole time, plus the walk to and from the neighbours.
I just find it really odd that someone wouldn’t even think twice about leaving their baby in a highchair and swanning off to their neighbours garage.

Choccyoclocky · 12/05/2023 22:04

At that age I would give DC a toy and bring them outside in the pushchair. We had a sit up giraffe chair which DS loved around that age which was perfect. I got it cheap off Facebook so it would be worth a browse if you would rather use something else from now on!

lemmein · 12/05/2023 22:05

worriedmummt · 12/05/2023 21:57

@Sissynova dd was right next to the window in the chair, so I could see her when in the garden. I always use the harness. I feel so upset with myself over this.

Social services won't be interested in this OP. Let it go. If your baby is only 6 months old you've got years of fuck-ups ahead - don't think you've peaked this early

ShowUs · 12/05/2023 22:10

Being left alone in the high chair was very unsafe and I would have definitely put her in a much safer area.

Lesson learned and fortunately no harm done.

If SS are called then just be honest and say what you’ve said on here.
As long as she’s looked after, they won’t do anything over a a mistake that didn’t end badly.

Viviennethebeautiful · 12/05/2023 22:14

Social services won’t do anything. We can’t deal with much more serious issues due to lack of staff. Please don’t worry @lemmein is spot on.
sleep well tonight, most parents of well adjusted adults have done similar. The fact you are so concerned shows your care for your child x

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