worried neighbour will report me to social sevices

[worriedmummt]

I live on a cull de sac just off a main road which also has lots of houses on it and a shop etc. I went round to my neighbour’s to borrow some gardening stuff. She is 3 detached houses down. We were in her garage for around 5 minutes as she handed me things and explained which were useful and which weren’t etc. I then took them round and ten mins later she turned up with something she had forgotten to include. The baby was sat in her high chair in the room overlooking the back garden with the door unlocked but not sure if the neighbour knew this. I said to neighbour that I didn’t need the hose as it wouldn’t reach round from the garage and that I would take it back now for her. She is in her seventies and it was reasonably heavy. At that moment dd began screeching from her high chair and neighbour said oh your daughter is in here is she?! Sort of astonished that i had left her to collect the stuff and start gardening etc. I told dd to shush and from the door and said to neighbour I wanted to take the hose round as it was heavy. She was a bit off with me and then I came back home, all in all around a minute. I have since realised that this is the woman who has reported two people to social services in the area and that she is known for making a big thing about child safety after she lost her dc as a baby. Dd is 6 months.

I know what I did was probably wrong…. And I won’t lie to social services obviously, but what can I expect to happen? I think I just thought dd would be safe in her high chair and didn’t think massively about the length of time it would take to carry all the things round. Only when I saw the shock on my neighbour’s face did I think about it. I feel shit so please don’t have a go at me for this, I do know it was an error of judgement. I’ve been overwhelmed with things to do and I was just trying to get things sorted round the house, I know it’s no excuse but that was my thought process. Will they turn up out of the blue? Does anyone know what will happen?

I think you shouldn't be leaving a 6 month old on a high chair while you're outside gardening, even if you can see her. Put a blanket down outside for the baby . If that isn't possible then you can't garden unless she's asleep or another adult is with her. I'd be more concerned about a 6 month old alone in a chair in front of TV for an hour than 5 minutes while nipping down the road.
I really think you need to reassess your priorities here.

I bought a playpen just to keep in the garden for my youngest, as we were all outside so much and we couldn’t just leave her inside alone, but also she was a complete liability and couldn’t just be left to crawl around the garden.

Christ alive there are some high and mighty pricks on here. Leaving your daughter for a couple of minutes isn't going to interest SS in the slightest and anybody who insinuates it will is spitefully scaremongering.
Ss have enough genuine real, serious issues to deal with, a child sat in a high chair isn't one of them..

She wasn't left eating, and I'm guessing she was strapped in, or was crying alot at the points you left her, so whilst going up the road probably wasn't ideal I don't think you did anything that irresponsible,and its certainly not abuse or neglect.

I work in child protection and i'm sure SS wouldn't touch this.They may just give you a call to follow it up and offer you a parenting course or something.

Maybe best avoid the neighbour in future if she is clearly hawk eyed and judgemental.I get she has trauma from her baby dying but the way she is acting (if all the reports she is making are all for things like this) is very unfair.

Chill OP. It's OK. She is safe. Don't worry about SS!

But maybe keep TV to a minimum until she is older.

Don't be too sure about that... It's hardly stellar parenting?

You slipped up. 6 months is far too young to be left like that.

If the threshold for intervention is anything below "stellar parenting" then social services are going to be extremely busy!

Thanks to those who have been sensitive and kind. I am usually so so over the top, I am always laughed at by my family and friends for panicking about her safety. I made an error in judgement, sorry I am not as perfect as the rest of the people on this thread!!

@Mummyof287 would they sometimes just phone you then? Rather than turn up. How would they have my number, would my neighbour pass it on? I am especially worried and DH works away so much and I am thinking of leaving him. I really don’t want social services doing anything to make that harder for me.

Can you imagine the phone call?

‘Oh hello, yes I’d like to report my neighbour for leaving her 6 month old in a high chair whilst she looked at garden tools in my garage for 5 minutes.’ 🤣

Op honestly, we have all done things we’ve looked back on and thought… fuck, that wasn’t my best judgment. & you will forever have people judging you for one thing or another, seems to just be fair game when you’re a mother! Really, don’t worry about it. Your dd is fine, you’re not going to do it again. End of… forgive yourself! One day you’ll probably be telling your dd to forgive herself when she does the same with her dc, at least you can speak from experience 😉

I've had a few visits from SS.
First one we had a quick chat I explained how my neighbours were unhinged/on drugs/had been banging my door down until the police came/break their own windows etc. Kids weren't there at the time so she had to come back 2 days later literally got to the top of the stairs said they look fine and left. Case closed.

The next time an assessment was done, afew meetings then closed after a few months.

The latest one has just closed. Basically they turned up at my house but I wasn't in so they called me. Said what the kids had said, did another assessment then a social worker came around say once a month and we had a meeting in school every half term and thats it. Basically said he can't help us with diagnosing DS learning needs or coping with him. Its not in his remit, signed me up to do a ADHD course in July and disappeared!

Even if she refers you which I doubt she would anyway then just say it how it is. You were trying to help her by carrying the items. Frankly you could have been longer on the toilet! She was safe and contained, nothing bad happened. Try not to worry about it anymore.

People (rightly?) get slaughtered on here for leaving their sleeping babies alone in their cots for 5 mins while they run to the shop at the end of the street or across the road to collect a sibling from school. This OP's baby wasn't even sleeping. She was left alone in the house in a high chair while her mother was down the street. If something had happened to the OP, no one would know that baby was there. If something had happened to the baby, the OP would only know when she bothered to go in and check on her baby.

Get an ergonomic baby carrier like ergo omni 360, baby will be with you at all times.

Highly unlikely that social services will turn up but I think that the neighbor will probably be very noisy and mite report you for the slightest thing you shouldnt of left baby in high chair

Sorry, what?

OP left her six month old alone in a high chair, left the house, went three detached houses down, had a chat to her neighbour in their garage, then carried some stuff home? That definitely took more than five minutes and is absolutely mental! I would never dream of leaving a six month old alone in a house even for five seconds, even if they were asleep in their cot. Some of the responses here are way off. This is not okay behaviour, at all.

Totally understand where your coming from but I wouldn't have left any of our 3 young ones alone like that. Yes if your in same garden but not if you had to leave it.

Nobody is suggesting it's fine - we all make stupid errors of judgement occasionally, this was the OPs. Crucifying her for it might make you feel superior for a few moments but remember you're talking to a mum of a young baby - an actual person who is feeling shit enough without all the saints descending on her to give her a kicking for something she already regrets.

@CurlyTop1980 Really? Even though the NSPCC says babies should never be left home alone, even if you're just popping down the road for a moment?

It's worrying that you, as a social worker, can say that no social workers would care to find out if this is just a one-time thing or a habit. And that you're fine with a baby being left unattended, indoors, strapped to a chair, while the mother is outside doing gardening (which could have waited for when baby was napping). Oh and instead of going to comfort her screeching baby, she tells her to "shush".

🙄

Sorry, disagree. An error in judgement might be popping out to your car and back. This goes far beyond than and suggests OP’s judgement is way off, which is a problem. And saying so is not “crucifying” her - do you know what crucifixion is 😂

This is disgusting... So this wouldn't concern you that it could be a sign of habitual neglect? Wow.

Judging by the sanctimonious people on here I can only assume that they take it in turns with their partners to stay awake all night so there child is fully supervised at all times. Or maybe they take it in watches so there is always a fully functional adult watching the child the whole time. I actually took showers and washed my hair with small children sitting in a bouncer in an adjoining room. That took longer than five minutes. I can't see what all the fuss is about. Just because your neighbour lost a child, she shouldn't be a nosey old biddy going round looking to report people to social services on the flimsiest of grounds and causing untold stress. I can't see social services turning up for this when they don't to turn up for children in real danger of being beaten to death.

They won’t do anything, they have much more important things to deal with. Don’t let this judgemental lot make you feel like a bad mum! I promise you most people have done similar or worse, even if they won’t admit it. No one is perfect, we all make mistakes from time to time. I know I have as a single mum. God I’ve made some mistakes in my time that could have ended very badly but luckily haven’t, and I never did them again! You know it wasn’t the best thing to do so just use this experience to learn from. Honestly some of them on here get off on kicking someone when they’re down and use the excuse that you’ve asked for advice on an internet forum to justify their horrible replies!

true story to make you feel better My nana made a mistake once. My mum was a few weeks old .the 60s in London was a way different time but after going into the butchers which was small my nana left my mum in the buggy outside. She walked out and got two busses home. She was home a few minutes and realised she left my mum outside the butchers. 🫣. Mum was still in the same spot. Errors of judgement do occur. Maybe try a baby sling to get things done ❤️.

Forget about ss - it was a parenting mistake and there will be more in future. But you have learnt from this one and you have to move on. Being stressed about it will not be good for your baby. Best foot forward!