worried neighbour will report me to social sevices

[worriedmummt]

I live on a cull de sac just off a main road which also has lots of houses on it and a shop etc. I went round to my neighbour’s to borrow some gardening stuff. She is 3 detached houses down. We were in her garage for around 5 minutes as she handed me things and explained which were useful and which weren’t etc. I then took them round and ten mins later she turned up with something she had forgotten to include. The baby was sat in her high chair in the room overlooking the back garden with the door unlocked but not sure if the neighbour knew this. I said to neighbour that I didn’t need the hose as it wouldn’t reach round from the garage and that I would take it back now for her. She is in her seventies and it was reasonably heavy. At that moment dd began screeching from her high chair and neighbour said oh your daughter is in here is she?! Sort of astonished that i had left her to collect the stuff and start gardening etc. I told dd to shush and from the door and said to neighbour I wanted to take the hose round as it was heavy. She was a bit off with me and then I came back home, all in all around a minute. I have since realised that this is the woman who has reported two people to social services in the area and that she is known for making a big thing about child safety after she lost her dc as a baby. Dd is 6 months.

I know what I did was probably wrong…. And I won’t lie to social services obviously, but what can I expect to happen? I think I just thought dd would be safe in her high chair and didn’t think massively about the length of time it would take to carry all the things round. Only when I saw the shock on my neighbour’s face did I think about it. I feel shit so please don’t have a go at me for this, I do know it was an error of judgement. I’ve been overwhelmed with things to do and I was just trying to get things sorted round the house, I know it’s no excuse but that was my thought process. Will they turn up out of the blue? Does anyone know what will happen?

@SunnySaturdayMorning did you read my OP?

I made it clear the tv was a one off.

Its not relevant, but as you’re so incredibly patronising, myself and my husband have a combined income of 228k, both work in very specialised and highly regarded professions, and our daughter has two bookcases of books and this was the first time I had put the tv on for a one off occasion.

Yes, Cocomelon is like crack for a baby… which is why I chose it.

On and anecdotally, my younger sibling watched peppa big throughout the toddler years and is now studying medicine.

Thanks to the posters who have some sensitivity here. I was wanting to sort the garden for DD to play in as it’s not currently safe. I feel shit and worried which is why I posted. I’m sorry some people seem to get a kick out of being particularly scathing towards someone sharing a worry. You know what they say, pride comes before a fall. Good luck to the perfect parents on here.

@imisscashmere you're insinuating though that OP or anyone else shouldn't leave their baby to pop to their car.

Yes, I read it. I saw it was a one off, but most parents don’t realise the impact Cocomelon can have.

Your wealth and careers are irrelevant. They are no measure of intelligence or sound parenting and the fact you think they are and your actions show that.

Again, same with your sibling. It’s nothing to do with academic intelligence and everything to do with emotional development, which judging from you is something your parents struggled to teach.

A baby that has never watched tv before doesn’t need to go straight to the “crack” to be engaged. There was simply no need. It’s just another lapse in judgement from you.

No I’m not. I said leaving a baby alone to pop out to the car might be an error in judgement.

Don’t you have anything better to do that misread my posts and pick an argument? I’m not going to respond any more - I DO have better things to do!

our daughter has two bookcases of books and this was the first time I had put the tv on for a one off occasion.

She's 6 months old. Two bookcases of books are irrelevant.

The TV isn't the issue. Leaving her alone while you wandered off down the street and pottered around the garden is.

Books and money aren't important if the child's neglected.

@SunnySaturdayMorning its a measure of the fact we are aware that tv for babies and children isn’t the first choice.

TV does not cause ‘serious issues’, however, and a few minutes of Cocomelon is not going to cause any damage to our baby.

Thank you for these comments, though; you’ve successfully highlighted to me how many nutters post on here! Let me know how your dc get on in life and we can catch up in due course? All the best.

@GoodChat bookcases relevant to the insight into our parenting which is not to plonk dc in front on the tv.

Our baby isn’t neglected from an error in judgement on a one off occasion. Agree tv isn’t the issue but sad that a couple of posters seem to think it is.

@worriedmummt “myself and my husband have a combined income of 228k”

And yet you cannot use “I” and “myself” correctly, made a fucking stupid parenting decision and are now arguing with strangers on the internet being incredibly offensive instead of admitting you were wrong and learned your lesson.

Your income is irrelevant.

Your comment about it is crass.

Earning 228k doesn’t make it this incident any more acceptable. Wtf?! That couldn’t have been less relevant.
It’s just proof of the prevailing idea that middle classes behaving badly should be glossed over while the same thing occurring in a council estate would have the mum dragged over coals.

Income makes no difference indeed, McCanns sure had a healthy income between them being doctors…

Wow you left a baby home alone twice in one day. Suppose you can only say you've never done it before and will never do it again.

Oh well, when social services come round just tell them how much you earn, you'll be fine. If you earn so much maybe you should have bought your own tools and all this could have been avoided.

What does your income have to do with anything? Do you often use it to try to get one over on people?

You made an error or judgment. A bad one. BUT you are human and seem like a good mum. And I'm hindsight thinking of all the things that could have went wrong , but it didn't! So it's a lesson learnt and I'm sure that you won't do it again. Nobody is a perfect parent, and absolutely everyone has a lapse of judgement at times. I think you have been given a very hard time here. I don't think SS would be the least bit interested in this.

What on earth has your earning power got to do with the price of fish?!
There will be a label right there on the high chair advising you not to leave your child in it unattended.

OP you know what you did was probably not a great idea on reflection, there were countless things that could have gone wrong in this situation, that don't even bear thinking about. Was the house locked or unlocked? If locked imagine if a fire had started in the room baby was in, and no one would have known she was there, or been able to get to her. If the house was unlocked, imagine if someone had came and taken the baby? What if that was the day baby, figured out how to undo the highchair restraints and fallen out?
BUT... Having said that, she was fine, nothing happened, and you know it wasn't a good idea. I know what it's like having a young infant, no sleep, and still trying to get stuff done, and I think most parents do things in that first year, that on reflection, weren't the best ideas at the time. I had a really colicky baby, who would only fall asleep if being driven around in the car. One day after no sleep the night before, and hours of screaming and crying, she finally falling asleep in the car. I was over the other side of town by the time she fell asleep, and I knew I needed a few basics from the shop, so I parked up outside the store, and quickly ran in to grab milk and bread. When I came out two women were stood by my car looking at dd, and seemed really concerned. DD was still fast asleep, so I quickly got in the car, and drove off. I was so worried they'd taken my number plate down, and we're going to report me. I think back now, and know it was a really stupid thing to do, but in my sleep deprived, desperate, stressed out state, it also just seemed like not a big deal at the time. I think really, I just needed two minutes in a shop without dragging out a buggy, and dealing with having a screaming baby in tow. I actually feel sick now, when I think back to what could have happened, and this is 9 years later. I remember telling my mum at the time, and she was horrified that I thought it was okay. To be fair, I think she then realised how badly I was coping, and she started helping look after DD for an afternoon once or twice a week, so I could use that time to just feel human again. Don't beat yourself up OP, and if the neighbour does report you, she'd have to have stronger evidence than that for it to go anywhere, so don't give her any reasons too.

GoodChat bookcases relevant to the insight into our parenting which is not to plonk dc in front on the tv.
No, not relevant. Your child was plonked in the high chair instead.

Being patronised about tv when (1) it’s not relevant at all to the OP and (2) we are both in professions that nearly everyone relies on, isn’t something I was going to ignore.

Obviously our income has riled posters up. Not once did I say there was an income threshold that meant how a child is treated becomes irrelevant….

Those who have been particularly nasty on this thread, I haven’t scrolled through to finds everyone but for example @GoodChat , have you genuinely never made a parenting mistake yourself? I’m not trying to be unkind, I am genuinely interested? Perhaps me and DH struggle with parenting!

I didn’t say TV itself causes serious issues.

I said the types of things you are allowing your baby to be exposed to (like high FPS rate Cocomelon or badly behaved Peppa Pig) can and do cause serious issues.

Perhaps your high flying career doesn’t require reading comprehension skills.

Your income hasn't riled people up 😂. Mentioning it as proof that you're a good parent has made you look ridiculous.

@Movinghouseatlast no, I used to shut up a crass poster by implying we had no awareness of the use of tv for a baby.

Not sure why there is a need to have a go at me for something that I am aware was about error and I am worrying about? It is odd but as I say, shows the nature of the people posting behind a keyboard.

@HarrietJet mentioned as proof we can understand the use of tv for a child. Please read more carefully. Thanks for your supportive post!

we are both in professions that nearly everyone relies on

Your professions are wholly irrelevant though; they were never brought into question. You just randomly mentioned them

@worriedmummt again your perception of a situation is way off. No one gives a shit about your income or professional. There are doctors who abuse their children, lawyers who commit murder, people earning millions who kill their families. It’s irrelevant.

Your income doesn’t make you a better person or a better mother. It’s interesting that you think it does and it’s somehow information that is relevant to this incident.

@SunnySaturdayMorning that is completely untrue though? It’s not even relevant to the thread, but clearly a dig. However even IF we let DD watch Cocomelon once a day, she’s not going have ‘serious issues.’ Growing up and development has many forms and includes many influences. The majority of which for DD are positive.

Have you never made a parenting error? Maybe you should write a book if so.

no, I used to shut up a crass poster by implying we had no awareness of the use of tv for a baby.

Your income has fuck all do do with raising a baby though and has nothing to do with parenting styles, techniques or practices.
It’s “crass” to suggest it does.