worried neighbour will report me to social sevices

[worriedmummt]

I live on a cull de sac just off a main road which also has lots of houses on it and a shop etc. I went round to my neighbour’s to borrow some gardening stuff. She is 3 detached houses down. We were in her garage for around 5 minutes as she handed me things and explained which were useful and which weren’t etc. I then took them round and ten mins later she turned up with something she had forgotten to include. The baby was sat in her high chair in the room overlooking the back garden with the door unlocked but not sure if the neighbour knew this. I said to neighbour that I didn’t need the hose as it wouldn’t reach round from the garage and that I would take it back now for her. She is in her seventies and it was reasonably heavy. At that moment dd began screeching from her high chair and neighbour said oh your daughter is in here is she?! Sort of astonished that i had left her to collect the stuff and start gardening etc. I told dd to shush and from the door and said to neighbour I wanted to take the hose round as it was heavy. She was a bit off with me and then I came back home, all in all around a minute. I have since realised that this is the woman who has reported two people to social services in the area and that she is known for making a big thing about child safety after she lost her dc as a baby. Dd is 6 months.

I know what I did was probably wrong…. And I won’t lie to social services obviously, but what can I expect to happen? I think I just thought dd would be safe in her high chair and didn’t think massively about the length of time it would take to carry all the things round. Only when I saw the shock on my neighbour’s face did I think about it. I feel shit so please don’t have a go at me for this, I do know it was an error of judgement. I’ve been overwhelmed with things to do and I was just trying to get things sorted round the house, I know it’s no excuse but that was my thought process. Will they turn up out of the blue? Does anyone know what will happen?

Geez. You know that social workers deal with drug addicted parents and babies, habitual sexual abuse, incest, violence and horrendous sexual, emotional and physical abuse.
Leaving a healthy baby strapped in a high chair for 5 mins is hardly comparable.
It's not like the OP gave oral sex to her dealer and then shot up in front of her baby.
Get some perspective.
OP that why SS won't call you, they're busy.

She wasn't just leaving the baby for 5 minutes.

She left the baby while she was quite a distance away from the house, with a high chair with straps, and planned to leave her for quite a while to get the gardening done, and when baby started screaming she started shushing her from the door rather than tending to her properly.

OP I'm not trying to beat you down here but you need to consider what you're doing. Is there any reason baby couldn't be out in the garden?

I'd leave this thread OP and name change/start a new one if you need support around leaving husband etc. People are piling on despite you obviously being distraught. Forgive yourself and move on. There is the tiniest chance of CS picking this up for a support call. If they do, dont lie, just make it clear it was a one off and won't happen again. Nothing will happen. Stay friendly with neighbour from a distance but don't give her any reason to come round. Don't explain yourself to her💐

Heya OP. You made an error of judgement yes, and recognise that. Just don't do it again and always think baby safety first.

@Violasaremyfavourite Judging by the sanctimonious people on here I can only assume that they take it in turns with their partners to stay awake all night so there child is fully supervised at all times. Or maybe they take it in watches so there is always a fully functional adult watching the child the whole time. I actually took showers and washed my hair with small children sitting in a bouncer in an adjoining room. That took longer than five minutes. I can't see what all the fuss is about.

If you don’t see the difference between washing your hair with your baby in a bouncer in an adjoining room, and leaving your baby in your house to go 3 detached houses down the road and into a someone’s garage for well upwards of 5 minutes then I don’t even know what to say.
Having a shower when you can still hear your baby or sleeping in the next room is not remotely comparable.

I cannot imagine for a second social services being interested in a report that a child was left unattended in a high chair for a few minutes. 100% of parents must have done things like that at times. It's not ideal but it's nowhere near abuse or neglect. No way could they have capacity to come round to all of us whose babies have rolled off beds or sofas, climbed on shed roofs (DS I am looking at you), climbed through the window of the utility room and coated themselves in emulsion paint (also DS) or walked out of the house aged 2 and been picked up by police on a major Rd 200m away (guess).

In all my years of catastrophic misjudgements as a parent social services have not shown the remotest interest. I mean clearly kids need a careful eye kept on them,and if you have one like DS possibly gluing to a wall. But you were busy and nothing bad happened.

Sorry, disagree. An error in judgement might be popping out to your car and back. This goes far beyond than and suggests OP’s judgement is way off, which is a problem. And saying so is not “crucifying” her - do you know what crucifixion is 😂

@imisscashmere you're a muchhhhh better parent than the OP....feel better? 🙄

Oh and crucify is entirely appropriate - it doesn't just mean nailing someone to a cross and sticking thorns in their head you know? You do know that don't you? Embarrassed for you

In more well to do areas people rarely go around reporting each other to social services. This is definitely more of a social housing phenomenon. You mentioned detached houses? so it sounds unusual activity for that kind of area.

Whats the chances of it toppling over her escaping grabbing a knife or leaving her sat for hours in her own excretion.
Non then ok don't do it again.
By virtue of you being worried you will be OK.
Your neighbour might be overly cautious wish mors people cared about child cruelty

Sorry, disagree. An error in judgement might be popping out to your car and back

Hang on are you actually saying you should take your baby with you to pop out to your car? Is this what people do? How far away is the car parked? Are we talking less than 6ft from the front door or half a mile down the street?

It's very sad that your neighbour lost her child as a baby. Possibly a tiny error of judgement with lifelong consequences for her and she wants to help other parents avoid a lifetime of regret.

Stop worrying about social services. Neither here nor there. If your baby died, it's you with the life sentence of regret not them. It was definitely a very poor decision and it took your neighbour's comment and your fear of outside agencies for you to realise that. Big lesson learned there. Literally every parent has these moments - this is your first baby and you are still learning. Do you have friends with young children you could talk to, to offload a bit? Let this go now, it's no use to you to spend energy fretting

I’ve “severely punished” OP by saying that what she did is a problem/ not okay/ judgement way off? Akin to crucifixion? Okay 😂

It obviously depends on the precise circumstances doesn’t it, which is why I said “might”.

OP gave the precise circumstances, and they were really not okay.

As for SS we have had never any concerns regarding out family by different professionals but we were recenetly reported for-home educating our children by occupational therapists who dosent agree with home ed and ss offered either voluntary investigation or one they will do anyway as they treat it as “safeguarding” concerns and this is about children ages 6 to 9 years old being supervised at home or outside by both their parents 24/7,never left on their own without an adult in the house, so how come 6 month old left on her own wouldnt get ss attention?

I am a child protection solicitor for a local authority- please trust me when I say this- social services do not have the resources to even have this sort of referral on their radar (if it even is made in the first place). A momentary lapse in judgement- don't beat yourself up about it. Enjoy your baby x

My MIL lives 3 doors up on the same street my eldest is 9 and not once have i ever left the house to drop something off or collect something from hers while child(ren)are in the house on their own,not even the older children- you either take children along, wait your partner to come home or call the person and ask her to bring it down for you if they can.

OP you really need a baby carrier- ergo,tula etc whatever works for you but leaving any young child for any amount of time on their own in a house and going out of the house is an unthinkable idea

Exactly this ^^! Don't stress about it at all. I am always amazed at the perfect parenting that goes on here and the judgement 😳

YABVU. I think everyone else has already covered the topic of leaving baby alone in a highchair.

However, a baby as young as 6 months should absolutely not be watching tv. TV is not recommended before 2 but at the very least they shouldn’t be under 1.

And if you were going to let them watch tv, do your research. Cocomelon is like crack to babies and toddlers. The FPS rate is far too high, the scenes change too quickly - it is too overstimulating for them. It can cause serious issues.

When you let your child watch tv they want to be watching programmes that enhance (like Ms Rachel), or at the very least not damage (like Cocomelon and Peppa Pig).

Just keep your house clean in case of an unexpected visit.

Are you sure that your neighbour hasn't got the wrong end of the stick here, and your dh wasn't just in the next room?

Grateful for posters looking out for OP. MN is horrible and venomous so often these days 😔

I can’t say I really understand this viewport. Who benefits by pretending this was not an incredibly reckless lapse in judgement?
No one has chastised the OP, called her an awful mother, said her baby should be removed etc.
It’s not ‘perfect parenting’ to say that leaving a very young baby in a highchair while you are down the street is a terrible idea.

I’m sure if the OP said she had left her 6 month old awake and home alone while she went to the shop down the street to buy fags no one would say ‘oh sure none of us are perfect no big deal!’.
It’s the same thing. OP was much too far away from her house with an unattended baby inside. She’s not going to have her baby removed by SS but that doesn’t mean it’s behaviour that should be repeated.

You only lie if you have something to hide.

Are you suggesting the OP pretends her DH was watching the baby when we know he wasn’t?

Just an aside ,how do you know the neighbour reported the other 2 parents "out of spite, as there may have been serious issues completely separate from this.I would think SS would feel its a Non Issue really.They have all sorts of shit to deal with .I doubt they would have time/resources to follow it up

I don't think you will hear anything about this, SS are very stretched. If you do it'll probably be a phone call asking what happened. Be honest with them, tell them
you realise you made a mistake and it won't happen again and they'll be happy with that. Sometimes you do have to leave a baby unattended - to use the toilet, leave the bins out etc but the high chair is not a safe place to do this. A playpen for downstairs might be a good idea for you.