worried neighbour will report me to social sevices

[worriedmummt]

I live on a cull de sac just off a main road which also has lots of houses on it and a shop etc. I went round to my neighbour’s to borrow some gardening stuff. She is 3 detached houses down. We were in her garage for around 5 minutes as she handed me things and explained which were useful and which weren’t etc. I then took them round and ten mins later she turned up with something she had forgotten to include. The baby was sat in her high chair in the room overlooking the back garden with the door unlocked but not sure if the neighbour knew this. I said to neighbour that I didn’t need the hose as it wouldn’t reach round from the garage and that I would take it back now for her. She is in her seventies and it was reasonably heavy. At that moment dd began screeching from her high chair and neighbour said oh your daughter is in here is she?! Sort of astonished that i had left her to collect the stuff and start gardening etc. I told dd to shush and from the door and said to neighbour I wanted to take the hose round as it was heavy. She was a bit off with me and then I came back home, all in all around a minute. I have since realised that this is the woman who has reported two people to social services in the area and that she is known for making a big thing about child safety after she lost her dc as a baby. Dd is 6 months.

I know what I did was probably wrong…. And I won’t lie to social services obviously, but what can I expect to happen? I think I just thought dd would be safe in her high chair and didn’t think massively about the length of time it would take to carry all the things round. Only when I saw the shock on my neighbour’s face did I think about it. I feel shit so please don’t have a go at me for this, I do know it was an error of judgement. I’ve been overwhelmed with things to do and I was just trying to get things sorted round the house, I know it’s no excuse but that was my thought process. Will they turn up out of the blue? Does anyone know what will happen?

Surely this isn't true?
Huge safety error
Woman who lost a child prone to reporting
Op earns squillions
But does not understand how social services work
Is also expert of childhood development and furious at any helpful incidental suggestions

@Sissynova correct. Crass posters invite crass responses.

@SunnySaturdayMorning please let me know if you have never made a parenting error. I’m in awe of you if so.

i got locked out when dd was in her highchair,
it was nervewracking.
safer to take her with you

You had me there til you started trying to say your income is what makes you a good parent. Sorry but my income is less than 16k a year and I never once managed to leave my baby alone, plonk them in front of YouTube or think it was ok to leave them in a high chair for an extended period of time. YABU, and negligent.

It’s not untrue and it wasn’t a dig. I was actually trying to be helpful.

Most people don’t realise the impact Cocomelon and Peppa Pig can have on their toddlers, and a lot of people don’t understand why tv should not be used under 2 and certainly not under 1.

When we know better, we can do better. Okay, so you apparently knew and chose not to do better. That’s fine, it’s your kid, but not everyone does.

Of course I’ve made parenting errors - everyone has. But I’ve learnt from them, and I’ve taken peoples advice when given it rather than being defensive and thinking money and academic success means I’m superior and know everything.

please let me know if you have never made a parenting error. I’m in awe of you if so.

OP you would do better to just accept you made a pretty big error in judgement and move on.
The more you try to criticise other people and use your income and profession to validate you the more it seems like you don’t actually regret the situation.
Either way I’m not sure what you’re hoping to get out of the thread any more.

Reading more carefully doesn't change a word of your post?!
How is your salary proof of your understanding of the dangers of tv to your child?
Maybe you need to earn even more to understand that babies shouldn't be left unattended in highchairs... 🤷🏻‍♀️

@Sissynova the error was accepted in my OP, had you read it properly.

@SunnySaturdayMorning i think everyone knows tv is an easy ‘opt out’ of parenting. Suggesting our baby is damaged after a few minutes of Cocomelon is absurd.

I have never once said that it was right or sensible, hence the post. One thing this thread has made me see is that my colleagues are a lot more balanced and kind than people here! Academic success doesn’t make you a good parent but seems to make you a more sensitive and self aware person. I posted for support about an error I was aware I had made. Absolutely no need to criticise me in general.

Anyway, I better get back to my below average parenting.

The reason people are upset is because you appear to have gone high income= we’re smart= we’re good parents. That may not have been what you meant but it’s how it reads. It’s also massively wrong. You can earn mega bucks and be a poor parent just the same as you can earn mega bucks and be an awful person. (Certain people find it really, really hard to get their heads round that. Mainly said awful loaded people). Money doesn’t equate to positive person points.

That’s what people are trying to say and you’ve probably accidentally offended some poster too. In case you were wondering what all the fuss is about.

If you’re a good parent then you have nothing to fear from SS. People are human and make mistakes. They know that. All they need to know is that your baby is safe and that you have learnt from it all.

Sorry... I don't understand all the cocomelon hate?! When mine were little, they definitely watched far "too much" TV, and when the eldest was a toddler, youngest was a baby, so she was subjected to the mindless crap in the background from a very young age... Guess what, they are absolutely FINE. Normal, well adjusted, insanely kind, polite, engaging, wonderful little humans, who everyone and every teacher meets, absolutely adores. Eldest had exceeded all the ks1 goals over a year in advance, and moved onto the KS2 books half way through year 1, as the shorter books just weren't challenging enough for her. She is currently being tutored for 11+ at the advice of the school, and dc2 looks to be on the same path educationally. Definitely not mentally scarred by Peppa pig or Cocomelon. They weren't even bothered about watching t.v much by the age of 3-4. And now, rarely watch it, both have their heads in books, or drawing and writing most of the time, and have very keen interests in English, Mathematics, Science, and nature. T.V time as babies and toddlers, as part of a normal routine is fine. Infact it can be hugely beneficial and healthy, as long as they are stimulated and interacted with in other ways too. Obviously sitting a young child or baby infront of the television all day every day, with little human interaction, and few other experiences, would be detrimental, but putting the t.v on so you can get some jobs done around the house, is perfectly fine and appropriate.

Again, you need to brush up on your reading comprehension skills.

I never once said your baby was damaged from watching Cocomelon one time.

I was alerting you to the serious issues that can be caused from allowing such young babies and toddlers to watch overly stimulating tv, because once you’ve done it once (especially at such a very young age) you are highly likely to repeat it.

And again, it wasn’t a criticism. I was trying to be helpful because not everyone is away.

When we know better, we can do better.

Academic success doesn’t make you a good parent but seems to make you a more sensitive and self aware person.

No is absolutely does not though and again you’re lacking in self awareness to think that.

@Iguanainanigloo It’s nothing to do with education or academics. It doesn’t matter how bright your child is or how clever they go on to become.

It’s to do with emotional and behavioural development. Your kid can pass the 11+ but that doesn’t stop them being emotionally stunted or behaviourally poor.

Academics is no measure of an emotionally healthy person.

She should report u, u left yr child alone, shocked u thought it was acceptable.

From the description of what happened, and the locations, your 6 month old DD was left in her high chair alone for upwards of 10 minutes (it would have been nigh-on impossible to have completed all mentioned in the 5 minutes you estimated).

Ir sounds like you realise that the above was an error of judgement, and know not to do it again.

If SS do turn up, explain what happened, and that you've learned from it. You could even ask them for parenting support if you are struggling when in your own, especially if you are planning on leaving your DH; the majority of his share of the £228k income will no longer be available to you, so you need to plan ahead.

It didn't even occur to you that you were doing something wrong until your neighbour made you aware. So that wasn't a parenting mistake. That wasn't a misjudgement. That wasn't you taking a risk. That was you being completely oblivious to child safety and good practice. And the fact that you think your high income and academic ability proves your intelligence, is worrying. Your arrogance could get your baby hurt.

OP initially I felt sorry for you, until your comments about your income and superior intellect.

When I had my dd, I was very young and qualified to GCSE level only, was earning about 12k. Guess what: I managed to never leave her at home alone, never left her for extended periods sitting upright in a highchair at such a young age and didn't plonk her in front of the telly when she was a baby. Believe it or not, it was about intuitive parenting, not intellect and income.

The sad thing is, the fact you live in a naice cul de sac with detached houses and garages and gardening equipment WILL go in your favour compared with someone in the estate nipping to the corner shop to buy ciggies or an energy drink.

When actually it is absolutely no different WHY you left your dd home alone for 5-10 mins. Social services can be easily biased sadly.

You will be fine, social services will not be interested. However hopefully a referral will be made to your health visitor who can offer you some practical advice and support.

What on earth was you thinking leaving a 6 month old in the high chair whilst you aren’t even in the same room let alone house..
that’s not just a lapse of judgement that’s poor parenting.

*No I’m not. I said leaving a baby alone to pop out to the car might be an error in judgement.

Don’t you have anything better to do that misread my posts and pick an argument? I’m not going to respond any more - I DO have better things to do!*

Haha typical MNer moron. I'm having the last word and I won't listen to a word anyone else says eh! Off you pop.

My eldest watched an obscene amount of Thomas the Tank Engine on DVD when my second was born.
Oh the guilt. But it's ok, he's a young adult now with a perfectly good brain.

I’ve “severely punished” OP by saying that what she did is a problem/ not okay/ judgement way off? Akin to crucifixion? Okay

@imisscashmere

I'm tempted to stop replying because you seem a bit dense but I'll give it another go. 'Crucified' also means 'criticise' as shown in the screenshot I posted, just before the 'severely punished' bit you conveniently quoted.

Also, 'crucified' is not the same as 'crucifixion' 🤪

Genuinely, I hope that helps.

And add this to it...

Academic success doesn’t make you a good parent but seems to make you a more sensitive and self aware person.

Just wow. Op, are you reading what you're writing?

OK so I have not read the full thread so I am not fully aware of the "academic/ income" debate.
Although from some of the replies it seems OP thinks herself superior due to this.
That is not the case. Being a s**y parent comes in all shapes and forms, it is about character rather than how highly you are paid or where you are on the academic ladder.
I have seen and heard about bad parents from different walks of life so if the OP thinks just because of where she is and how rich or clever, she is definitely in the wrong. Especially proved the point since coming from the " higher standard", she managed to make a bad judgement in leaving her daughter. Careless mistake, but she still made it.
Setting that aside, Does she actually regret and learned from her mistake because it was wrong or she got caught out?
Personally OP, you made a mistake, please do not do again. Might be cautious parenting but I am sure if something was to happen to your daughter, you would not be able to take back what you did and regret it for the rest of your life.
Being a parent is hard work, I understand, it is relentless but she is too young and would not have the ability to save herself in any dangerous situation.
I would ensure not to go this again for your daughters sake, pretty sure the SS will not be bothered by this.

The mccanns are doctors just syaing

doesnt rally matter can still be a neglectful parent

I think your income is relevant. You can afford to hire nannies and gardeners. By leaving the house with your BABY completely unattended just to get garden tools, you’re making it seem like you couldn’t afford to do anything else and were in a desperate pinch. But by virtue of your income, you had plenty of alternative options so it raises questions about your parenting that you thought leaving her alone in eyesight of others with the door unlocked was the best option. You just literally left your baby alone over something that was absolutely not essential.