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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I buy this Engagement Ring

153 replies

TheRussiansAreComing · 12/05/2023 13:18

I need the advise of MN please. Looking to ask my partner to marry me and would like to know if I’m on the right track with what I am thinking of choosing. I’m thinking of a white gold or platinum pave band with a 3 carat Emerald cut lab grown diamond.
Is a lab grown diamond ok, or is this cheap?
Will 3 carat look too big to be believable?
is Pave popular?

She has recently started to wear her late DM’s wedding ring which is a plain ish gold band.
Will it matter if it’s next to white gold / platinum.
OH is over 50, with a younger contemporary taste.
If she didn’t already have a gold band, I think white gold would be her preference.
I think she would prefer a solitaire over a cluster.
Does anyone have experience of purchasing from 77 Diamonds?

Should I buy this Engagement Ring
Should I buy this Engagement Ring
Should I buy this Engagement Ring
OP posts:
Whatevergetsyouthroughthenight · 12/05/2023 13:21

Most women would like to choose their own ring nowadays rather than their partner choose it for them. I would arrange a nice romantic proposal and a day out ring shopping.

user1473878824 · 12/05/2023 13:21

It’s a gorgeous ring. My engagement ring is “real” diamonds but I’d have been just as happy with lab ones, they’re cheaper but basically exactly the same and I’m planning to use lab diamonds for an eternity ring at some point. I think there is a ring board on Mumsnet somewhere where you’ll get good advice though. On AIBU you’ll probably get told to get your ducks in a row and LTB.

19lottie82 · 12/05/2023 13:21

Do you know her ring size?

my advice would be Buy a cheap ring to propose with then let her choose her own ring.

user1473878824 · 12/05/2023 13:22

(I will say I chose my own ring though!)

HermioneWeasley · 12/05/2023 13:23

I would definitely take her to choose it

nothing wrong with lab grown - good quality and no ethical issues

pave bands are a PITA - I know so many women paying £50 a go when the stones fall out

Hazelnuttella · 12/05/2023 13:24

I would let her choose, you can have a lovely day out ring shopping.

If she wears a gold ring already, gold might be better. But it’s so personal - you want her to be happy with it presumably.

KnickerlessParsons · 12/05/2023 13:24

I am "over 50, with a younger contemporary taste" and I wouldn't like that ring, sorry. It's very nice, but I wouldn't choose it.

I would do what Whatevergetsyouthroughthenight has suggested.

PinkFootstool · 12/05/2023 13:24

It's beautiful! DH and I went ring shopping. Narrowed it down to 3 then I left the shop and he picked one for me!

It's always a gamble, but if you know her taste and her ring size, go for it.

If you aren't certainly of her ring size, pave shoulders on the ring may mean it can't be resized for her. Worth a discussion with the company before you order anything.

StarbucksSmarterSister · 12/05/2023 13:25

Ask her what she wants.

Likethestarsabove547 · 12/05/2023 13:25

You've put an awful amount of thought into it but I think some PP are right, go for a cheaper ring for proposal and pick together. Some rings from Pandora are lovely and would suit this idea, best of luck

Seas164 · 12/05/2023 13:26

Choose together

Mummypete · 12/05/2023 13:26

Yes I agree to take her out to choose one. I have a very very similar ring to that with lab grown diamonds and I love it. However it wouldn’t be to everyone’s tastes.
If you’re London based I highly recommend Novita Diamonds in Hatton Garden. Going in to see the rings in person was a lovely experience and I learnt so much about what I did and didn’t want.

SparklyBlackKitten · 12/05/2023 13:26

Nothing worse than being given an engagement ring that you are supposed to wear forever... that you dont 100% love.
And this happens sooo much

Buy a cheap fake one
And then take her to a jewellery place to get the both of you to design something (or pick something out together).

Namechange1345677 · 12/05/2023 13:27

Not my taste...but you know your partner

Toddlerteaplease · 12/05/2023 13:29

Propose with a haribo ring then let her choose!

NotBloodyCovid · 12/05/2023 13:30

user1473878824 · 12/05/2023 13:21

It’s a gorgeous ring. My engagement ring is “real” diamonds but I’d have been just as happy with lab ones, they’re cheaper but basically exactly the same and I’m planning to use lab diamonds for an eternity ring at some point. I think there is a ring board on Mumsnet somewhere where you’ll get good advice though. On AIBU you’ll probably get told to get your ducks in a row and LTB.

😂😂😂

OctopusComplex · 12/05/2023 13:30

... just a heads up, if you give her a cheap ring, and then choose together (which you really should), please explain really quickly that it's a place holder ring you're presenting.

My DH did not, so I thought he was actually proposing with Argos' finest. Grin

Lemonyfuckit · 12/05/2023 13:31

As others have said - I don't think there's anything wrong with lab grown (and I think they are considered significantly more ethical) and it does sound as though you're genuinely trying to think about what she would most like, but I think for that reason it's best for her to choose, and that way you'll both know she has the ring she truly would like as after all she'll be wearing it everyday. You can still plan a really romantic and surprise proposal.

My DH proposed with a 'fake' ring and I designed the actual ring with a jeweller using a family diamond so the ring is particularly meaningful for me and exactly the style and design I wanted.

Good luck!

DappledOliveGroves · 12/05/2023 13:33

Definitely choose a ring together. When DH and I got engaged, we went ring shopping together. I'd had some ideas about what I wanted, but after trying on numerous rings I ended up with something totally different.

Personally, I wouldn't want lab grown diamonds, but that may just be me being fussy.

Lonecatwithkitten · 12/05/2023 13:33

As someone over 50 with a contemporary taste, when I got engaged 3 years ago I had something much more unusual so I think allowing her to choose would be the best route
We designed the ring ourselves and the design and stones choose are personal to us.

Jellycatspyjamas · 12/05/2023 13:33

It’s a lovely ring but 3ct would be too big for me to wear every day - have you looked at rings with her or talked about what she would like? It may be perfect for her but without asking her preference you could end up spending a lot of money on something she won’t want to wear.

Peachyboop · 12/05/2023 13:34

Are there any local jewellery shops you can go to that would design a ring? You could both design it together. They provide Cad images so you can see exactly what it will look like.

The diamonds in my original engagement ring kept falling out so we recently had a new one made with the old diamonds and a new one (lab grown). The process of designing it was really lovely and I have a totally unique ring now. The price was similar to the image you have attached.

Personally I would always go for lab diamonds as there is no way of knowing where mined diamonds come from.

Lemonyfuckit · 12/05/2023 13:34

OctopusComplex · 12/05/2023 13:30

... just a heads up, if you give her a cheap ring, and then choose together (which you really should), please explain really quickly that it's a place holder ring you're presenting.

My DH did not, so I thought he was actually proposing with Argos' finest. Grin

Hahah this too! I think my DH might have said relatively early on in the proposal that it was from Pandora and not the actual ring....I don't recall in any case having a concern that my engagement ring was from Pandora so I think he must have made it clear one way or another!!

Shinyandnew1 · 12/05/2023 13:37

I would rather have something smaller but a real (second hand) diamond. She might not, but it’s a big risk. I agree with all the pp. propose with a Haribo/Argos/
/cracker ring and then choose something together.

AnxiousShep · 12/05/2023 13:38

I am over 50 and just don’t like the emerald shape. It’s a beautiful ring but wouldn’t be for me. This is such a personal decision.