Is this normal or possibly unwell verging on paranoia?

[WelpWhat]

I'll preface by saying I have anxiety and ADHD.

I swing from, I might die tomorrow so let's get into debt funding holidays, days out, clothes, etc. Do what ever I want, damn the consequences. Though I have a sensible DH who intervenes here.

To, I need to be invisible to the government, be entirely self sufficient, stock pile, live off grid, etc. Now, most of this isn't possible so I think, what can I do?

I stock pile medicine and do a regular inventory. I'm in the process of working out how to erase my online presence, or as much as I can, anyway. Even little things like purchasing all my favourite films and TV shows on DVD so I don't have to rely on internet/streaming services to watch. Physical books rather than kindle. I also keep trying to research ways I can rely less on the Internet, and basically be as invisible as possible, online and offline. Do other people do this?

I read stuff about AI, cashless society, climate crisis, etc. And I panic and want to try and prepare in any ways I can.

Strangely, I'm not a conspiracy theorist. I just have a deep fear, bordering on paranoia of certain possible futures based on things that are starting to happen now, e.g. climate change, AI. I know nothing is certain but I just have this need to prepare just in case.

It’s not normal behaviour.

I’m sorry to say OP if my DP started behaving like this is would be very, very worried. Are you sure this is just anxiety or ADHD because it sounds like a lot more.

oh I can definitely relate to a few things you’ve said here, though it’s not as strong. I’d be interested to see what others say. Be nice!!!

I think it’s normal to want to feel some element of control in a confusing world and many people find comfort in engaging in the kind of activity you do. However, it’s not the healthiest way - have you got any hobbies or interests you enjoy to occupy yourself more ?

I think you know this is not normal. Please visit your GP and ask for treatment for your anxiety and perhaps see a psychiatrist or psychologist. It sounds like it has taken over your life.

It's not right OP, I hope that you can feel better soon.

I am medicated for my anxiety. Citalopram 40mg. But I suppose it doesn't feel like it's working lately. I struggle to sleep because I'm convinced I'm having a heart attack. My days are filled we these thoughts of either, spending hours planning holidays I can't afford because my mentality is fuck everything or spending hours writing lists, planning and researching how best to become invisible, stock pile, etc.

So you’re using the internet to find out how you can hide from the internet.

Do you have time to work ?

Hi,

Yes. I like to read, write and watch film and TV. In summer I like sleeping in the garden and I love being in water. Oh, and animals. They make me so happy.

The reading, writing, TV and film is potentially problematic though, my family have said I can get obsessed and use it as a way of escaping reality to the point I begin to neglect real life but honestly I haven't been writing, reading or watching much lately as all this other stuff has taken over.

I have bipolar disorder and I have to say this sounds like the symptoms I had before diagnosed
This said you need to visit your GP and be completely honest with them. Get off the internet and do this today before it gets worse

Yep. The irony!

No I don’t think it’s normal and you need your medication to be reviewed.

Have you ever considered whether you might have bipolar? Might be worth discussing with your GP - just because of how you described the swinging between two different mindsets

I was just going to say the same. Close family member has bipolar disorder and this is EXACTLY how it manifests.

I swing from, I might die tomorrow so let's get into debt funding holidays, days out, clothes, etc.

This screams of bipolar. Unfortunately ADHD symptoms get confused with symptoms from other conditions, and misdiagnosis of conditions sharing similar traits isn't uncommon.

I'm studying full time and have a 4 year old so not working at the moment but the plan is for me to start working once I finish studying. Whether that'll happen or not is another matter. Before I started studying I moved from job to job, never fitting in, never able to stay long.

What does your husband think about this? Is he concerned?

Ultimately if you want to spend your time like this and you are happy, then go for it.

However if your behaviour is feeling out of your control, is having an impact on your relationships, physical health or ability to work then it needs addressing.

What's your DPs take?

Your post suggested bipolar to me too. A family member has a bipolar diagnosis and it manifested similarly.

It's true that the world has become highly mechanized, leading to a loss of control and understanding of many complex systems. Additionally, the pervasive tracking of our online activities has further contributed to this sense of being constantly monitored. Ben Fogle has produced several series highlighting these issues, and while opinions may vary, it seems that most people who are self-sufficient are OK and don't rely heavily on their GPs for help.

Interestingly, there is a growing movement within the field of AI that advocates for reconnecting with nature and appreciating it for what it is. Given the rapid advancements in technology, our present-day world is becoming increasingly unrecognizable. Perhaps you have tapped into this emerging paradigm, where living in harmony with nature holds great significance.

This doesnt sound like ADHD or anxiety. There's something more. I think you need to go back to your Dr and say exactly what you said here.

Well, DH doesn't know a lot of what I've said here. He knows that I'm impulsive and have a fuck it attitude because he has to make sure I don't get us into debt. But he doesn't know about the paranoia and the rest of it. He gets angry if I don't take my citalopram. But I've been like this forever so I think my family struggle to see it as a MH problem as it's just me. It's who I am, iyswim. And DH definitely struggles with MH and to know how to deal with it/me. Also, I'm annoyed because he won't let me have any more cats or open a wildlife/cat rescue. :(

yes I was thinking the same thing.
I went back to the OP to see that you had definietley said other diagnosis and not Bipolar.

Open a wildlife rescue?! 🤣🤣🤣

Have you got the money?