Is this normal or possibly unwell verging on paranoia?

[WelpWhat]

I'll preface by saying I have anxiety and ADHD.

I swing from, I might die tomorrow so let's get into debt funding holidays, days out, clothes, etc. Do what ever I want, damn the consequences. Though I have a sensible DH who intervenes here.

To, I need to be invisible to the government, be entirely self sufficient, stock pile, live off grid, etc. Now, most of this isn't possible so I think, what can I do?

I stock pile medicine and do a regular inventory. I'm in the process of working out how to erase my online presence, or as much as I can, anyway. Even little things like purchasing all my favourite films and TV shows on DVD so I don't have to rely on internet/streaming services to watch. Physical books rather than kindle. I also keep trying to research ways I can rely less on the Internet, and basically be as invisible as possible, online and offline. Do other people do this?

I read stuff about AI, cashless society, climate crisis, etc. And I panic and want to try and prepare in any ways I can.

Strangely, I'm not a conspiracy theorist. I just have a deep fear, bordering on paranoia of certain possible futures based on things that are starting to happen now, e.g. climate change, AI. I know nothing is certain but I just have this need to prepare just in case.

Sounds like bipolar to me too. Have you kept a record of when you swing between these different moods? If not, it might be worth trying to do it, to see how quickly the change happens and to see if there are any triggers.

I think you really need to talk to your doctor and be very open about your feelings. I think you have been misdiagnosed in the past.

Why do you feel the need to be invisible to the government? What kind of things do you think are going to happen?

I ask because sometimes seeing it written down helps to see it from a different perspective. And I imagine you don’t voice these thoughts anywhere else.

No, haha. I suppose this is part of it. I also get these wacky ideas and don't care for the practicalities or consequences. My family brush it off as, another one of her crazy ideas and obsessions. Next week it'll be something else! Which I suppose is true but at the time I feel passionately about whatever it is and all consumed by the idea.

Is this about you OP or someone else?

This sounds a lot like issues my bipolar family member and friend had in common.

Periods of "let's do everything, spend ££££ on a new hobby I've never tried/catch a plane/start a business/close the clubs every night" and periods of "the devil wants me to kill myself/the postman is watching me for MI5/that CCTV is there specifically to watch me/people are listening in on my phonecalls/people can hear my thoughts".

There isn't rationalisation with mental illness unfortunately. OP needs medical intervention.

So many times on here people say ‘I know how it sounds written down’ or ‘It sounds so much worse written down’. It allows you to take a step back from it and I thought it might help the OP to recognise these are not normal thoughts and so she needs medical assistance.

You might want to go and consider having a conversation with someone.
Locally we can self refer for mental health support.

OP it does sound unusual but I think Covid had this effect on a lot of people. The extremes of spending then wanting to run away suggest escapism to me. What is it about normal, everyday life that bothers you?

Try having some adventures -within your budget. Get a pop up tent etc and go somewhere wild. Go visit a commune. Give yourself a £20 budget to go wild in the pound shop. You can get some great stuff in there.

It does sound like you might need to visit the doctor too, when you get a chance.

40mg citalopram is a very small dosage. I hated citalopram.

Ask your GP to switch to Venlafaxine. It sounds like you should be on at least 75mg a day.

Are you having counselling?

I was thinking Bi polar. I don't think this is anxiety and ADHD. Sounds way more like Bi polar.

Op slow down. Saying this very gently … you have skipped all the posts that talk about bipolar.

I am sorry to say that my family member with bp displayed almost identical symptoms to yours. She was out buying £250 beach caftans in winter one day and wouldn’t answer the phone or the door the next or step out in to the garden.

I know mh services are hard to access but ask your dh to help you. It’s worth checking out. The medications are so much better nowadays.

I'm a big of a closet tin hatter. I have a go bag, food and water and a plans for different SHTF situations. BUT this doesn't cause me anxiety or interfere with my day to day life. I give it very little thought on a day to day basis. I think it's just a sensible precaution in this fucked up world.

Hi OP,

I’ve got a mate who’s very senior in cyber security and for decades he’s voiced some of the same concerns as you, regarding society placing too much reliance on technology. He spends his working days fending off potentially catastrophic threats. On a domestic level, some examples of concerns he’s raised would be only ‘owning’ books on kindle, invasive technology ie. every home now having listening devices which could easily be misused). He’s rational about it, and he owns all the same gadgetry as everyone else, but he’s risk-aware, well-informed, and nothing you’ve said here about technology is particularly wacky to me.

There’s a lot of talk on here about what’s ‘normal.’ Like a few other PPs I have some of the same concerns about the future that you’ve stated, sometimes I feel like we’re heading blindfolded into dystopia and I worry for my children’s long-term Liberty and wellbeing. I don’t think it’s paranoia, per se, I see it as extrapolating possible outcomes from the information we have at hand, based on what’s happened elsewhere and at other points in history.

Some people would call that catastrophic thinking. Some members of my extended family and I often talk about the future, we look at the news and wonder about moving to a fairer, forward-thinking country with more respect for democracy. If we allowed ourselves to dwell on where we are right now as a society we’d all be in a bad place.

For us, it’s trying to find a balance between being awake to what’s going on in the world and not being governed by fear of outcomes we can’t really control.

Your hoarding sounds to me like a part of that, trying to control the stuff you can readily influence. Look what happened with infant paracetamol during covid, people immediately stock-piled in case their kids got sick and then there was none for the people who needed it - I had to grind half an adult paracetamol in a mortar and pestle and stir it in yoghurt for my DD when she got sick during lockdown - so now I’m never without a couple of boxes of Calpol. Hoarding is a common human response to a fear of scarcity, people grab what they can get, I think that’s why we have panic-buying and rationing during wars?

Where it sounds like where it’s becoming an issue is that you’re over-responding, and having to be prevented from causing practical problems (financial, for the most part) for yourself. Also, excessive focusing on these fears is making your relationship harder for you and your otherwise supportive partner. A person can have reasonable concerns founded in rationality but go overboard trying to allay them (at the most extreme end, people with extreme phobia of germs, or the off-grid, gun-toting, bunker-dwelling survivalists you hear about).

I’m no psychologist, I don’t know if it’s bipolar, GAAD or whatever. I do think though that it’d be worth looking further into your MH. It’s not that anything you’re thinking is wildly out of whack, it’s more your responses. From what you’ve said you seem to lack peace and equilibrium in your life, and maybe by speaking to the right professional they can find a way for you to feel balanced and generally safer? Maybe then you can find ways to tackle some of these concerns, without letting them rule or damage you, and maybe others will assume less importance?

@Elfidela1980 , why is your friend worried about only owning books on Kindle. please?

I agree with the person who said to exploring switching from citalopram. SSRI's don't work as well for neurodivergent people as SNRI's like Venalfaxine. Make sure you talk through any medical changes fully with your doctor, venalfaxine is wonderful for some people but it has serious side effects.

Did the psychiatrist who diagnosed your ADHD prescibe the Citalopram?

Is your ADHD medicated?

It might be worth speaking to your psychologist/psychiatrist about the symptoms youre experiencing and if that's not possible then your GP and a referral from there. Don't let them pawn you off.

Ask your GP to switch to Venlafaxine. It sounds like you should be on at least 75mg a day.

What an odd thing to post. You can't tell people what medication they should be on.

Agreed. Different antidepressants work for different people and it may not even be an antidepressant that the OP needs.

Agree - OP you have totally ignored the numerous bi-polar comments (which I accept must be hard for you to read). Obviously no one here can diagnose you but the things you describe are quite common manifestations of bi-polar. Please do get it checked out. Good luck x

Bipolar is a common comorbidty with ADHD. It's definitely worth having a conversation with your GP. Also if you're perimenopausal you may find that PMDD becomes an issue- again linked with both ADHD and autism.

I’m sorry to say it but it does also strongly remind me of the behaviour of a friend who has bipolar. That doesn’t mean you have it of course but given lots of people are saying the same it has to be worth considering.

Why are you laughing at the OP? OP needs some understanding, empathy and possibly medical intervention, not ridicule.

@WelpWhat Have you ever been assessed for bipolar disorder?

I have paranoia which is one of the symptoms of my mental illness. You need to see a psychiatrist ( just my opinion I'm not a psychiatrist although I am a qualified professional in a different area and have worked in mental health) Ask your GP to refer you to the cmht and you will get an assessment. Very often I write things down so I do not forget. Write down what you have posted here and everything else you are thinking. I am like you in the sense that I like to be as anonymous as I possibly can be. If I could live in one of those tiny houses away from people I would.