Page 4 | Is this normal or possibly unwell verging on paranoia?

WelpWhat · 2023-05-12T08:29:03+00:00

I'll preface by saying I have anxiety and ADHD. I swing from, I might die tomorrow so let's get into debt funding holidays, days out, clothes, etc. Do what ever I want, damn the consequences. Though I have a sensible DH who intervenes here. To, I need to be invisible to the government, be entirely self sufficient, stock pile, live off grid, etc. Now, most of this isn't possible so I think, what can I do? I stock pile medicine and do a regular inventory. I'm in the process of working out how to erase my online presence, or as much as I can, anyway. Even little things like purchasing all my favourite films and TV shows on DVD so I don't have to rely on internet/streaming services to watch. Physical books rather than kindle. I also keep trying to research ways I can rely less on the Internet, and basically be as invisible as possible, online and offline. Do other people do this? I read stuff about AI, cashless society, climate crisis, etc. And I panic and want to try and prepare in any ways I can. Strangely, I'm not a conspiracy theorist. I just have a deep fear, bordering on paranoia of certain possible futures based on things that are starting to happen now, e.g. climate change, AI. I know nothing is certain but I just have this need to prepare just in case.

Wolfiefan · 12/05/2023 14:57

I spent decades being really anxious. A lot of this rings true. I’ve done CBT and take fluoxetine and I am so so much better. You need to go back to your GP and say what you’ve said here.

Original poster

WelpWhat · 12/05/2023 14:57

Mentallyaware · 12/05/2023 14:52

I have insight and clarity into mine, doesn't mean I have control of it. Clarity comes in fleeting moments but then it's head down and off to Google and then to request all my data is removed from companies I no longer use, 2FA (although for most of mine it's more like 3, 4 or 5FA!) is on every account and so on. Once it's really bad the clarity goes completely and I'm locked in on my spiral, it needs catching early (like now for the OP) to get a grip on it.

Show quote history

Perfect description. I'm exactly like this!

OP posts:

Fruitygal · 12/05/2023 14:57

Are you medicated for your ADHD?

Original poster

WelpWhat · 12/05/2023 15:00

Fruitygal · 12/05/2023 14:57

Are you medicated for your ADHD?

No and the potential risk to the heart with ADHD really puts me off trying it.

OP posts:

Mentallyaware · 12/05/2023 15:00

WelpWhat · 12/05/2023 14:57

Perfect description. I'm exactly like this!

Show quote history

I'd honestly call 111 option 2 (mental health crisis) and speak to them today, they can get you into CMHT faster than your GP can.

If you are anything like me (and your posts suggest you are) you need to speak to someone today not Monday. Good luck.

longwayoff · 12/05/2023 15:04

You seem unwell OP. Ask your GP for a specialist referral so you can be properly diagnosed and medicated. Your life sounds very stressful and you dont need to live like this. If MIND has a helpline that.may help you. Wish you luck.

Seas164 · 12/05/2023 15:07

WelpWhat · 12/05/2023 09:51

Well, DH doesn't know a lot of what I've said here. He knows that I'm impulsive and have a fuck it attitude because he has to make sure I don't get us into debt. But he doesn't know about the paranoia and the rest of it. He gets angry if I don't take my citalopram. But I've been like this forever so I think my family struggle to see it as a MH problem as it's just me. It's who I am, iyswim. And DH definitely struggles with MH and to know how to deal with it/me. Also, I'm annoyed because he won't let me have any more cats or open a wildlife/cat rescue. :(

OP I'd be suprised if DH knows as little about what's going on for you as you think, might it be a good idea, as someone who lives with you and knows you fairly well, to open up to him about what's going on for you then he can support you as best as possible?

Maybe a wildlife/cat rescue is something you could work towards in future when you've got your situation on a bit more of an even keel, I wish you all the best for that and hope it happens for you.

Coconut90 · 12/05/2023 15:08

AnnesObstructiveFeather · 12/05/2023 13:25

They’re not mutually exclusive. Some people have both ADHD and bipolar. It’s not an uncommon combination.

You could also have anxiety and obsessions/ compulsions. Unless I’ve missed it you don’t mention depression. (Becoming obsessed with being off grid isn’t depression). Whether or not one can have bipolar without depression is a controversial subject. You need specialist psychiatric assessment.

My psychiatrist said a person can't be diagnosed with ADHD if another mental illness could explain the symptoms.

sadsack78 · 12/05/2023 15:56

I'm sorry you're going through this OP?

Are you under a lot of pressure or going through tough life circumstances atm? Being under more stress than usual can exacerbate mh conditions. Things like bereavement, financial issues, childcare struggles etc.

I am not a psychiatrist so please see your doctor but I will say the extremes of your impulsive thinking around money and doomsday stuff makes me wonder if it is a form of mania/ manic episode you're experiencing.

sadsack78 · 12/05/2023 15:56

*should be no question mark after saying I'm sorry to hear you're suffering- crap at typing!

Coconut90 · 12/05/2023 16:14

OP has ignored every response suggesting bipolar.

I doubt a diagnosis would help her based on that.

SquirrelSoShiny · 12/05/2023 16:16

Coconut90 · 12/05/2023 15:08

My psychiatrist said a person can't be diagnosed with ADHD if another mental illness could explain the symptoms.

Show quote history

That's extraordinary. My relative is diagnosed with both by a Psychiatrist. They are a known comorbidity. I have never heard of that before.

Coconut90 · 12/05/2023 16:21

SquirrelSoShiny · 12/05/2023 16:16

That's extraordinary. My relative is diagnosed with both by a Psychiatrist. They are a known comorbidity. I have never heard of that before.

Show quote history

It might vary between psychiatrists though my last one felt it was too much of a risk to give anyone with bipolar a stimulant - not just the potential for mania but the crash after.

I've managed to work full time in a professional job for years, so I took his advice and didn't risk it.

Another factor - OP has a 4 year old. Bipolar can be triggered after child birth.

You don't need to experience psychosis for a diagnosis (I didn't) but what OP is saying is. It goes far beyond anxiety.

Original poster

WelpWhat · 12/05/2023 16:58

Coconut90 · 12/05/2023 16:14

OP has ignored every response suggesting bipolar.

I doubt a diagnosis would help her based on that.

Not ignoring. Have been researching. Not sure what to say?

OP posts:

Original poster

WelpWhat · 12/05/2023 16:59

sadsack78 · 12/05/2023 15:56

I'm sorry you're going through this OP?

Are you under a lot of pressure or going through tough life circumstances atm? Being under more stress than usual can exacerbate mh conditions. Things like bereavement, financial issues, childcare struggles etc.

I am not a psychiatrist so please see your doctor but I will say the extremes of your impulsive thinking around money and doomsday stuff makes me wonder if it is a form of mania/ manic episode you're experiencing.

Definitely financial struggles. DM been poorly too and I've had Uni deadlines.

OP posts:

SilverSilos · 12/05/2023 21:12

Thanks @Elfidela1980 !

Straightsidedcircle · 12/05/2023 21:21

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

AllyArty · 12/05/2023 21:36

You are very articulate and, as u said, you are also very self aware. It must be so difficult for you when ur at your highest and lowest.

Bababear987 · 12/05/2023 21:43

OMalleysAlley · 12/05/2023 10:31

40mg citalopram is a very small dosage. I hated citalopram.

Ask your GP to switch to Venlafaxine. It sounds like you should be on at least 75mg a day.

Are you having counselling?

Where on earth did you get the idea that 40mg citalopram is a low dosage it's the highest dose you can usually give?! Please dont talk about something you have no clue about especially medicines

12345mummy · 12/05/2023 22:04

I hear you OP, same as PP I have all these thoughts but maybe not as extreme ie I don’t go as far as making an inventory. My fully stocked chest freezer and previously bought toilet roll supplies came into their own during covid! I do feel like recently I was triggered by the mobile phone warning practice and I like to feel prepared for different events (no power, no electricity etc). I’d say it’s not paranoia it’s more of a sixth sense, but if it is taking over your life maybe see your GP xx

OliveWah · 12/05/2023 22:12

The type of therapy I have found which is really making a difference to me (intrusive, repetitive thoughts, insomnia, health anxiety, PTSD) is some CBT along with the therapist taking the time to explain exactly why my brain is behaving this way. I also find myself getting really involved in particular news stories, usually ones concerning a missing person and I become quite obsessed. Understanding why my brain is doing what it's doing has helped me to reason with the intrusive thoughts, and might be something worth considering for you - it would be something for you to research, at least!

Cakeandcoffee93 · 12/05/2023 22:17

OP- it’s not bipolar and it’s not anything psychotic as you are very much aware and you’ve posted here. It’s OCD. Obsessing over fears and preparing for the worst
since COVID I guess you got triggered?
the planning etc is understandable let’s be honest
there is shit going down like the wars, AI shit and articles out there on the news suggesting prepare and etc
but - will it affect you individually?
I spend impulsively too, when I don’t get out much I overthink and obsess. It’s like you are preparing for the worst. It’s anxiety and OCD.
my advice- stick to your anti depressants religiously and stop googling
the gym helps me massively

redsky21 · 13/05/2023 06:18

Cakeandcoffee93 · 12/05/2023 22:17

OP- it’s not bipolar and it’s not anything psychotic as you are very much aware and you’ve posted here. It’s OCD. Obsessing over fears and preparing for the worst
since COVID I guess you got triggered?
the planning etc is understandable let’s be honest
there is shit going down like the wars, AI shit and articles out there on the news suggesting prepare and etc
but - will it affect you individually?
I spend impulsively too, when I don’t get out much I overthink and obsess. It’s like you are preparing for the worst. It’s anxiety and OCD.
my advice- stick to your anti depressants religiously and stop googling
the gym helps me massively

@Cakeandcoffee93 you cannot diagnose someone without a) having ever met them or spoken to them and b) being a medical professional.

mosiacmaker · 13/05/2023 06:26

Elfidela1980 · 12/05/2023 11:17

Hi OP,

I’ve got a mate who’s very senior in cyber security and for decades he’s voiced some of the same concerns as you, regarding society placing too much reliance on technology. He spends his working days fending off potentially catastrophic threats. On a domestic level, some examples of concerns he’s raised would be only ‘owning’ books on kindle, invasive technology ie. every home now having listening devices which could easily be misused). He’s rational about it, and he owns all the same gadgetry as everyone else, but he’s risk-aware, well-informed, and nothing you’ve said here about technology is particularly wacky to me.

There’s a lot of talk on here about what’s ‘normal.’ Like a few other PPs I have some of the same concerns about the future that you’ve stated, sometimes I feel like we’re heading blindfolded into dystopia and I worry for my children’s long-term Liberty and wellbeing. I don’t think it’s paranoia, per se, I see it as extrapolating possible outcomes from the information we have at hand, based on what’s happened elsewhere and at other points in history.

Some people would call that catastrophic thinking. Some members of my extended family and I often talk about the future, we look at the news and wonder about moving to a fairer, forward-thinking country with more respect for democracy. If we allowed ourselves to dwell on where we are right now as a society we’d all be in a bad place.

For us, it’s trying to find a balance between being awake to what’s going on in the world and not being governed by fear of outcomes we can’t really control.

Your hoarding sounds to me like a part of that, trying to control the stuff you can readily influence. Look what happened with infant paracetamol during covid, people immediately stock-piled in case their kids got sick and then there was none for the people who needed it - I had to grind half an adult paracetamol in a mortar and pestle and stir it in yoghurt for my DD when she got sick during lockdown - so now I’m never without a couple of boxes of Calpol. Hoarding is a common human response to a fear of scarcity, people grab what they can get, I think that’s why we have panic-buying and rationing during wars?

Where it sounds like where it’s becoming an issue is that you’re over-responding, and having to be prevented from causing practical problems (financial, for the most part) for yourself. Also, excessive focusing on these fears is making your relationship harder for you and your otherwise supportive partner. A person can have reasonable concerns founded in rationality but go overboard trying to allay them (at the most extreme end, people with extreme phobia of germs, or the off-grid, gun-toting, bunker-dwelling survivalists you hear about).

I’m no psychologist, I don’t know if it’s bipolar, GAAD or whatever. I do think though that it’d be worth looking further into your MH. It’s not that anything you’re thinking is wildly out of whack, it’s more your responses. From what you’ve said you seem to lack peace and equilibrium in your life, and maybe by speaking to the right professional they can find a way for you to feel balanced and generally safer? Maybe then you can find ways to tackle some of these concerns, without letting them rule or damage you, and maybe others will assume less importance?

This was such a brilliant, thoughtful, kind response.

Tiddlypomtiddlypom · 13/05/2023 07:33

How are you performing at uni, @WelpWhat?

Do you meet deadlines and achieve your modules?