Is this normal or possibly unwell verging on paranoia?

[WelpWhat]

I'll preface by saying I have anxiety and ADHD.

I swing from, I might die tomorrow so let's get into debt funding holidays, days out, clothes, etc. Do what ever I want, damn the consequences. Though I have a sensible DH who intervenes here.

To, I need to be invisible to the government, be entirely self sufficient, stock pile, live off grid, etc. Now, most of this isn't possible so I think, what can I do?

I stock pile medicine and do a regular inventory. I'm in the process of working out how to erase my online presence, or as much as I can, anyway. Even little things like purchasing all my favourite films and TV shows on DVD so I don't have to rely on internet/streaming services to watch. Physical books rather than kindle. I also keep trying to research ways I can rely less on the Internet, and basically be as invisible as possible, online and offline. Do other people do this?

I read stuff about AI, cashless society, climate crisis, etc. And I panic and want to try and prepare in any ways I can.

Strangely, I'm not a conspiracy theorist. I just have a deep fear, bordering on paranoia of certain possible futures based on things that are starting to happen now, e.g. climate change, AI. I know nothing is certain but I just have this need to prepare just in case.

It sounds more like bipolar. Bipolar (hypomania and mania) is very similar to ADHD. Misdiagnosis is common.

I was diagnosed with bipolar II, then ADHD, then bipolar II last year - three different psychiatrists.

I'm not on medication and work full time, get on with family, friends and I'm in a relationship.

If you're thinking of getting into debt, you might need a mood stabiliser.

SSRIs make bipolar worse. I was like that as a teenager on them, before being diagnosed.

No, that is a high dose.

It's all relative to the specific medication.

I'm sorry you are struggling. I definitely you need to reach out for help. See if your GP can refer you to the community mental health team.

This is one of the problems with ADHD becoming a trendy diagnosis - not saying that as an insult.

Social media seems to have forgotten that bipolar has a lot of overlap, though treatment is different. It adds to the stigma.

You can have bipolar and live a normal, boring life. It's not all extremes.

Does anyone even realise when they suggest bipolar what that actually is??? That is not something that is stopped by a supportive dh. That plows through life like a high speed train stopping at nothing and definitely not making threads about it

Have you been tested for borderline?
This goes hand in hand with adhd . And sometimes even gets confused with adhd as it is so similar!

But you also sound like you need more meds and more therapy

And no you are not paranoid because when you are paranoid you dont know you are But you need to get your meds checked op. And see some profesional help

They’re not mutually exclusive. Some people have both ADHD and bipolar. It’s not an uncommon combination.

You could also have anxiety and obsessions/ compulsions. Unless I’ve missed it you don’t mention depression. (Becoming obsessed with being off grid isn’t depression). Whether or not one can have bipolar without depression is a controversial subject. You need specialist psychiatric assessment.

@SilverSilos

it was a long time ago when they first came out, I don’t want to misquote him so let me ask him and I’ll post what he says.

@SparklyBlackKitten yes because I have bipolar and I recognise the symptoms well.

Iam on an effective combination of medication which controls my bipolar. I work full time with two children. I know it's scary but diagnosis is not the end of the world and actually it's the start of life becoming easier. Do it now before you run the risk of being sectioned because that is a real possibility if you allow what I think you are in which is a manic episode continue.
Please seek help I urge you to do so @WelpWhat you are appearing to be manic I promise you it's the best thing

I'm not saying you are bipolar but I'm saying you are showing many symptoms of being in a manic episode and your original post suggests lows and highs

@Allthecheeseplease I disagree re SSRIs for Bipolar
I am bipolar stable for a long time. I take a SSRI Sertraline 200mg in combination with a mood stabiliser and anti psychotic. The Psychiatrist said to me it works for me but maybe not for everyone

Alot of incorrect information in this post.

@WelpWhat
I wasn’t going to reply but all the posts about bipolar Being ignored has annoyed me.

OP, I have diagnosed anxiety and ADHD and could have written your post. I 100% do not suffer with bipolar. They are very different disprders. One is disturbance in attention (ADHD) and the other is a disturbance in mood (bipolar).

The Op has said absolutely nothing about her mood in first post so Not sure why people are doubting her diagnosis. There are overlapping similarities in both disorders with impulsivity etc, but I really don’t see how it is helpful to armchair diagnose when she has told you what she has.

In response to the OP’s first post, to me you are completely normal. I like being like this. When I was diagnosed, the Dr said the planning for natural disasters etc is very common, your brain is looking for a focus and place to attach attention and anxiety as there is an inconsistency in where it goes.

If it doesn’t cause issues in your day to day life , there’s no harm. I love doing all the ‘doomsday’ stocking. My husband thinks it’s quite funny and a bought me survival food for Christmas ha!

You may want to work on the impulsive spending but if your husband steps in before disaster, I don’t see the harm in having a good time either.

I don't see what a social media trend has to do with a psychiatrist making a diagnosis, so as someone with diagnosed ADHD, I'm offended.

OP I've only read your op and have reregistered to reply, but I do this. I only do this when I'm on a mental health spiral, it's one of my early warning signs.

It is healthy to be aware of your online presence but to obsess over it and try and delete everything is not. Please check in with your doctor.

My diagnosis is c-PTSD the paranoia is severe anxiety and for me it all coincides with flashbacks.

No it's not, it's the highest dosage allowed in the UK.
OP, have you ever been assessed for ASD?

OP, do you have have a history of trauma? It's sounds like your brain has become accustomed to operating in 'danger survival' mode, and is preparing you to enter a 'fight or flight' state at any moment. Many people who have survived trauma become stuck in this mode, it's a natural reaction to becoming accustomed to feeling unsafe. It's just your brain working in overdrive to identify and mitigate any risk to your wellbeing. If so, you will need specialist therapy to learn to put the potential risks into perspective and learn to become comfortable with a sense of safety. It's not easy, but take it from me that you absolutely can heal and become very much better.

It’s a balance I think.

I worry about the same things. I think many people are sticking their head in the sand re climate change. It’s already happening but people are not acting nearly strongly enough. AI could be dangerous if we don’t regulate it. Do your fears are not unfounded.

however, there is nothing to be gained by letting those fears take over and get in the way of what matters most to you.

I try and balance some prep, doing what I can to make a difference (individual carbon footprint, donations to campaign groups, bring engaged politically and talking about it when I can for example) - whilst spending quality time with loved ones, enjoying the here and now - being mindful, looking after my body etc.

May be look at the balance. How much time and energy do you expend on worries and prepping? Could you make more time for things that nurture you?

It’s strange to see someone have such insight and clarity about all of their problematic behaviours, that suggests they might be within your control.

Yes, I suppose I do. I suffered years of child on child sexual abuse. My father left when I was small. I saw my mum sexually assaulted by two different men on two different occasions. She was very ill when I was small too and I spent several months going from family member to family member while she recovered. And in 2017, I lost someone very very close to me.

I've always been very self aware. I can see what I'm doing, I know what I'm doing, but feel powerless to stop it or change.

No, I haven't.

I have insight and clarity into mine, doesn't mean I have control of it. Clarity comes in fleeting moments but then it's head down and off to Google and then to request all my data is removed from companies I no longer use, 2FA (although for most of mine it's more like 3, 4 or 5FA!) is on every account and so on. Once it's really bad the clarity goes completely and I'm locked in on my spiral, it needs catching early (like now for the OP) to get a grip on it.

It's a form of dissociation - goes hand in hand with PTSD as do ADHD symptoms

I also have tics that manifest when I'm either cold or stressed. I make verbal sounds, kick my legs, swing my arms about or try and smash my head on the nearest thing.

Have spent most of today sleeping. Feeling strange at the moment. Can't describe it. Tics are strong this afternoon. One minute all I want to do is sleep and cry and the next minute I want to pick DS up from school, get in the car drive for miles and see where it takes us.

Will contact GP early next week.