Is this normal or possibly unwell verging on paranoia?

[WelpWhat]

I'll preface by saying I have anxiety and ADHD.

I swing from, I might die tomorrow so let's get into debt funding holidays, days out, clothes, etc. Do what ever I want, damn the consequences. Though I have a sensible DH who intervenes here.

To, I need to be invisible to the government, be entirely self sufficient, stock pile, live off grid, etc. Now, most of this isn't possible so I think, what can I do?

I stock pile medicine and do a regular inventory. I'm in the process of working out how to erase my online presence, or as much as I can, anyway. Even little things like purchasing all my favourite films and TV shows on DVD so I don't have to rely on internet/streaming services to watch. Physical books rather than kindle. I also keep trying to research ways I can rely less on the Internet, and basically be as invisible as possible, online and offline. Do other people do this?

I read stuff about AI, cashless society, climate crisis, etc. And I panic and want to try and prepare in any ways I can.

Strangely, I'm not a conspiracy theorist. I just have a deep fear, bordering on paranoia of certain possible futures based on things that are starting to happen now, e.g. climate change, AI. I know nothing is certain but I just have this need to prepare just in case.

Please speak to the gp, it sounds likevan exhausting way to live.

I tend to do my assignments one to two days before the deadline which stresses me out leaving it that late but so far, it's been okay. I've achieved a first in every assignment. However, this semester, my MH has declined further, I maxed out my extensions, did anything and everything other than what I supposed to do and ended up submitting two assignments I wasn't happy with. Just about made the deadlines but basically submitted the assignments unfinished. It was crushing, honestly. I arranged a meeting with my tutor who has referred me to the wellbeing team and I have an appointment next week with the MH practitioner.

I definitely tend to do anything other than what I'm supposed to be doing, e.g. I have a load of washing to put on and I need to mop the kitchen. Instead, I'll waste the day empty, cleaning out and rearranging the kitchen cupboards. Or, supposed to be working on an assignment, spend eight hours researching something unrelated like Judaism.

Yes, I suppose I do. I suffered years of child on child sexual abuse. My father left when I was small. I saw my mum sexually assaulted by two different men on two different occasions. She was very ill when I was small too and I spent several months going from family member to family member while she recovered. And in 2017, I lost someone very very close to me.

I am so sorry to hear this. I would suggest that you have C-PTSD. If this is the case, no amount of rationalisation etc is going to solve the problem, the trauma response becomes hardwired in your brain. Medication will calm the symptoms but not solve the problem. You will need specialist trauma focussed therapy. After 25 adult years of panic, anxiety, depression and fear, a year of therapy has absolutely changed my life.

Could you be bipolar? Your behaviour is definitely not normal

Yes, I agree. Thank you @Elfidela1980

@WelpWhat I was so sorry to read the updates about what happened when you were small. I’m glad uni are being supportive, you’ll flourish when you get through this. X