Wedding invitation - please give us your money (basically)

[Truestorypeeps]

Received a second wedding invitation in a row which mentions words to the affect of, we would very much appreciate money towards our honeymoon as a gift. I personally couldn't physically write this in an invitation as it just feels presumptuous and tasteless.

Maybe this last invite got my back up as this couple have been together well over ten years, already have children, earn c.150k between them, massive house and already go on countless holidays at home and abroad. They could have easily omitted such a line from the invite. I understand they don't want toasters and towels, but surely there's another way?! E.g. heading, 'wedding gifts', below - 'your presence at our wedding would be more than enough, but if you'd like to gift us something to mark this day, please give a donation to XYZ charity which is close to our hearts because of XYZ??? Owing to the fact they are bloody rolling in it.

I'm not assassinating their characters, just their choice of words on the invitation. It's been blown up by others to be more than this

suggest you go back and read what you wrote about them again.

True to form with the abuse I see.

We're probably long overdue another thread on the best twee 'give us money' poems that people have received, by now!

And the evening guest b list and still expecting money towards a holiday...

This thread comes up so often on MN, its really boring.

If you think asking for cash is tacky, presumably you think asking for any gift at all is tacky? Because I don't see how presenting guests with a shopping list from John Lewis is any better or worse to be honest.

Personally I'm happy to be told what the couple would prefer so I don't waste my money. If you really have such a problem with the way they've worded their gift choice then either don't go, don't gift, or come onto the internet to slag them off- one of these is pretty tacky!

Suggesting they ask for charity donations just to not give you the ick is bizarre. They can ask for whatever they want.

Haha, your lack of self-awareness knows no bounds does it? Very classy, OP. You're the epitome of intelligence, aren't you?

It seems to be on every invite I get. We didn't put anything and still got money/ vouchers. No toasters were delivered. I feel like it's just standard, so don't worry about it.

Exactly.

OP do the couple a favour and RSVP no. I'm sure their money would be better spent on a dinner for someone else who doesn't slag them off and then you won't have to get a gift anyway. Win win.

It is a bit awkward to ask, I felt like this for my wedding but people are going to get you something so you may as well get what you are going to use. I had a gift registry and some people got me other things, unfortunately now I have those items and don't want or use them, but also feel I have to keep them for sentimental reason. Many of those things were large bowls and platters, and I have more than enough.

Ready to be flamed on this but, for context, DH and I earn well, live in a nice house, drive nice cars and go on nice holidays.

When we got married we didn't have a gift list as we had everything in the house that we needed, but would rather put something in the invite as it's become an expectation for people to bring gifts to a wedding and we'd rather have something useful (i.e. money) than 200 wedding related ornaments that there's no room in the house for.

We put a note in our invitation along the lines of "Your presence on our special day is what is most important to us, so we don't expect any gifts. If you would like to give us something, a contribution towards our honeymoon would be wonderful". It was better worded than that in reality, but you get the gist.

We got a couple of actual gifts and a couple of vouchers to use towards meals out, etc, but otherwise people just gave us some money, which enabled us to book a special honeymoon that cost double what we'd normally spend on a holiday, and would be unlikely to spend again.

We had a few guests not give us anything and that was fine too. I meant what I wrote - I just wanted a party with my friends and family! Anything else people gave on top of that was just very generous of them.

Extremely ill-mannered.

I just got an invite with basically those exact words last week. Didn't bother me at all, I'd rather pick a gift from a registry or give a voucher or something like that. I'd love to give an ornament, art or something like that, but that's often quite hard to choose for others anyway. I'd probably slightly prefer a registry in that at least later on they will remember the gift from you (I still do with mine), but it's not such a big deal and in some ways the honeymoon will be memories they won't forget as well

@Dontbelieveaword to be fair @Truestorypeeps has been nothing but antagonistic to the OP throughout. Whether intentionally or not. Not that I'm saying it's ok to question anyone's intelligence but just considering OP has probably had enough of @Truestorypeeps comments.

I'd much rather give money towards a honeymoon than something else, if that's what the couple want. Jeez some people are SUCH hard work!

I'm a numpty and got totally mixed up between threads and usernames! Ahhh ignore me, it's been a long day and it's only 10am! 🤪🤪🤪

We put a note in our invitation along the lines of "Your presence on our special day is what is most important to us, so we don't expect any gifts. If you would like to give us something, a contribution towards our honeymoon would be wonderful". It was better worded than that in reality, but you get the gist.

But did it rhyme?! It HAS to rhyme

Who are you defending here and why aren't you speaking directly to them rather than picking me up on my comment?

Have they stipulated on the card that you absolutely MUST give them money? That they will not allow you to come inside if you have not given them money?!
Thought not - in which case they are not demanding anything. Moreso they know there is a tradition to gift when you attend a wedding so are politely requesting cash instead of any other physical gift they do not want.

Some people literally look to find offence in the simplest of things. As many others have pointed out, B&G cant do right whichever way they turn
Don't mention anything - people don't know what they want (and imo most importantly, guests give them items they neither want nor need so then need to find the time and energy to pass on. Funnily enough, the B&G convenience is something to consider when they are hosting and paying for so many to celebrate with them)
Politely ask for cash - grabby
Use a poem asking for cash rather than physical gift - cringey and grabby
Ask for nothing - they are drawing attention to gifts and shouldn't mention anything...the cycle continues

If it is so difficult to accept that we all have different opinions and cultural norms to the extent you find this offensive/tacky/grabby then please do them the favour of turning down the invitation instead of slagging them off on a forum. The fact that they may be earning well has no relevance in this situation and if this is your excuse to find offence, you are no friend

@pickd if you have an opinion about two other people's comments towards each other, quote them, pick them up on it, criticise them. Don't come at me

What I really don't understand is the disguising a money gift as a tangible present. I've received several of those beautifully-wrapped little metal tins with a foam-cushioned Amazon gift card inside - greatly appreciated, but just the card (or even just the downloaded redemption code) would do me just as nicely, thanks!

Oh man, we didn't think of it as being a pretentious thing to ask for (otherwise we wouldn't have at all!), I'd hate to think people took it that way at the time.
For us it meant the people who took us at our word in the invitation didn't feel under any pressure to give us anything, and those that did ask us what we'd like gave us some really lovely memories in their gifts.
For example, my sister in law and her partner gave us an album of a band we all went to see together a few years ago, another friend gave us a book that included the reading that I'd done at her wedding the previous year. Just lovely personal inexpensive tokens - times are tight for everyone and we didn't want anyone worrying over the expense of a big gift or giving us money on top of coming to the wedding.

This is exactly what we did. I'm autistic and really struggle with 'stuff'. I don't like surprises or presents and always tell people not to buy me things but we also knew that our friends and family would feel obligated to buy things anyway, no matter how much we insisted that they didn't, as social convention expects it at a wedding and people struggle to get away from that I think.

In the little extra info leaflet we sent with the invitation we asked that people didn't get us presents BUT if they really felt they absolutely had to then a donation to our honeymoon would be what we'd prefer. Some people understood and didn't give us anything (excellent) and others gave small amounts (which was very kind of them). We did still get a few physical presents but thankfully not enough to make me anxious.

When we were writing our thank you cards, we made sure to let those who 'donated' know what we spent the money on eg partly funded a night in a fancy hotel or a Japanese tea ceremony experience. I think our guests particularly liked that part as it made them feel more like they'd bought us a physical present.

@Dontbelieveaword tell me you didn't read my other comment without telling me you didn't read my other comment... but I appreciate you replying twice to the first one even though I then went on to say I'd got mixed up. Hey ho, standard morning on MN 🙃

OP, I totally agree with you, except I think their earnings is irrelevant. It is ALWAYS rude to tell people you want money for a wedding gift (or indeed, any gift!) without them asking! When I got married 10 years ago we made no mention of gifts at all (following etiquette in my family and which I had read about etc). I think a few people (family) asked my parents and they made it known that money would be gratefully received but that nothing was required. We got 90% money and a few other things such as photo frames, the usual Mr & Mrs bits and pieces. If these people wanted to give us a gift that's totally fine. I think a couple of people did not give us anything and that is also fine.

I think all the people having a go at you and trying to say it is ok are people who are trying to justify having asked for money or doing something similar. Just because lots of people do it, it doesn't mean it's not still rude! I will say that almost every invitation I've had since then has had one of those horrific money poems or mention of it and I cringe every time. It doesn't mean that I think the bride and groom are awful people or I don't want to go to their wedding, it's just in bad taste and unnecessary. Surely EVERYONE now would just give cash as gifts unless they ask what B&G want and they say something else?