Wedding invitation - please give us your money (basically)

[Truestorypeeps]

Received a second wedding invitation in a row which mentions words to the affect of, we would very much appreciate money towards our honeymoon as a gift. I personally couldn't physically write this in an invitation as it just feels presumptuous and tasteless.

Maybe this last invite got my back up as this couple have been together well over ten years, already have children, earn c.150k between them, massive house and already go on countless holidays at home and abroad. They could have easily omitted such a line from the invite. I understand they don't want toasters and towels, but surely there's another way?! E.g. heading, 'wedding gifts', below - 'your presence at our wedding would be more than enough, but if you'd like to gift us something to mark this day, please give a donation to XYZ charity which is close to our hearts because of XYZ??? Owing to the fact they are bloody rolling in it.

So transactional and weird. What has happened to the wedding market over the last 20 years??

It does make the chic answer look more and more like something low key and fun, followed by lunch in a nice pub with your best friends, and a honeymoon you can actually afford rather than asking your friends and family to pay for it.

What has happened to the wedding market over the last 20 years??

Later average age of marriage, increased prior cohabitation rates, shrinking dwelling size, easier ability to acquire needed physical items and greater presence in Britain of people from cultures who don't have this 'grabby' and 'weird' hangup.

Why do you think it means people can't afford a honeymoon? I've happily contributed to people's honeymoons because that's what they wanted for a gift. Had we turned up empty-handed I would have felt rude but I don't think the couple would have minded, had we bought a physical gift I'd never have been confident it was actually wanted, had we given cash in an envelope I'd have been happy with that and they can spend it on whatever they want. Directing me to a website where I can spend that cash on their holiday directly rather than in hard cash is just as convenient.

No suggestion they count afford it if nobody contributed, just that if anyone wanted to it would be most appreciated.

People are so weird and aggressive about wanting to give a gift at a wedding but wanting it to be entirely on their own terms rather than just cheerfully accept some helpful guidance

Well that’s a turn of events, op you went from writhing in envy and going on about how much they had in comparison to uou. How they had no shame, hurling insults their way to, yeah I’m younger and we are mates , just seeing how others think. 😂

I chose not to go to a wedding over this. It was a friend from uni and they had a gift list for travel which was things like “massage voucher while on holiday: £200”. Or just all seemed too much, particularly when I would have been going on my own, paying for a hotel etc. I think if you feel this strongly about their behaviour you should reevaluate the friendship and whether you want to go.

I’m on the fence about this one. We got married last Summer and I wouldn’t have dreamed about putting anything in our invitations about money or gifts as we are more fortunate than all our friends and 95% of our family. Also, we had some lovely unique gifts which we loved receiving, plus vouchers for spa days/local restaurants and I think people are more inclined to think outside the box these days.
That said, I think most people give money these days anyway as everyone already lives together so has the usual household bits.
You do sound a bit jealous though, and I’d probably consider whether you even like them enough to go… no doubt you’ll be one of these who complains that it wasn’t an endless free bar and that you had to pay for a taxi/new outfit/take a day out of your precious busy life to attend (yawn).

There is actually a thing now where you ask for a fiver for your child’s birthday instead of a gift. I believe it’s quite popular among some parents.

I think it's really tacky. And it can be really awkward for people.

I think the massive CFs have spoiled the whole thing tbh. Asking for money in the form of a poem is tacky. It makes the asker look like a twat no matter what a few says.

Gifts were meant to start off a couple. This is no longer the case in this day and age so gifts should absolutely not be expected. It costs a lot of money to attend weddings as it is. Especially if you're involved in the pre parties like hens etc. Those have turned into a ridiculous idea as well.

If people want to give money then that's fine if that's their bag, it shouldn't be expected though.

This is no longer the case in this day and age so gifts should absolutely not be expected.

Nice theory. Completely removed from reality though, so in practice many if not most people feel awkward enough turning up without a gift that they're still going to give something.

Since you clearly don’t like them, don’t ruin their wedding by going there will I’ll feeling.

In Asian weddings, money gifts are the norm.

Maybe they just don’t need ‘stuff’.

It’s pretty standard and is absolutely fine.

I do t know why this gets peoples backs up.

Why on earth should people have to think about the cost of covering their meal at a wedding. If you can't afford a big do, have a small one.

Alternatively, sell tickets to your wedding-it will be much more honest. Money for your meal.

How long before it becomes the norm to have a dinner party, work out the cost and give everyone a bill to cover their meal.?

If you can't afford it, don't do it. Wanting to be Big Shots for the day as long as the hapless guests pay for it. Stupid and yes, grabby!

I have never considered giving a couple cash as anything to do with covering the cost of my meal, merely as a present because it is the norm to give a present.

Thinking about it as a transaction is weird, giving people some useful guidance on what would be most appreciated if they want to get you something is not weird.

I've always just given cash anyway. In my experience, most parents of young kids find they have more than enough stuff already!

If this is not satire it's the weirdest thing I've ever read on MN. Either way - 🤣

Move with the times. This is normal. I’m 30 and every wedding I go to is cash presents. The bride and groom have spent a fortune, I’m happy to give a gift. And I’d rather give cash than a toaster that they don’t want. You clearly don’t like whoever invited you to this wedding.

For those in their 20s and 30s this is the new tradition, you might not like it but the world has moved on.

Definitely satire I’d say!

Thanks, KrasiTime - I can't believe I didn't think of people putting on an extra garment for that express purpose, which could then be removed afterwards and dealt with later; I think I was envisioning people just randomly pinning money on to the bride's dress at any old inappropriate moment!

"It was grating as the people getting married were richer than us! We also spent a fair bit on travelling from the UK with our children."

Just for future reference, In general (not speaking for all irish people) we don't expect the same level of gift from people who've traveled from abroad or from English guests as we know they have a different custom with wedding gift amounts.

I really wanted to do the poem but decided against it. Didn't have a wedding gift list either. Ended up with 8 sets of Mr & Mrs champagne flutes, 7 photo frames, 7 photo albums, some personalised ornaments and a chopping board. The small amount of cash we received went towards our honeymoon funnily enough.

if they ask for donations for charity- “omg how dare you enforce your beliefs on me!!!!!”

How about asking for donations to the guest’s own favourite charity then?

The last wedding I went to was a week before Christmas and the couple asked for Christmas tree decorations - which I thought was a great idea. I’ve also heard of a couple asking for a copy of their guest’s favourite book. The best gift we got was a Lego castle and a bottle of port. Cue many happy evenings.

Oh noooooo, not the personalised Mr and Mrs stuff! You can't even give that to someone who might make use of it.

Did I say that? I just thought asking for money is tasteless, especially if you are actually swimming in it.

Say nothing and guests will gift you money anyway.

There's absolutely no need to debase yourself by asking for it.