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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you knowingly marry an asexual man

129 replies

glamourpusses · 09/05/2023 14:42

If you were a sexual being as a woman ?
Would you be happy with hugs and kisses but know he has a repulsed by womens bits .
Even if you love him??
Has anyone had this ?
Where he pretended for a while until he couldn't anymore and she had tried everything to get him to show interest in her sexually.
Could it last?
No babies planned as he doesn't want any and
Doesn't want sex .
Opinions or experience please ?

OP posts:
Peridot1 · 09/05/2023 14:43

No. Not knowingly. I did though. And it’s soul destroying.

Cakencookieobsessed · 09/05/2023 14:43

No. Why would you?

RoseRobot · 09/05/2023 14:46

I wouldn't. It would only work if both partners were asexual with no interest in raising children.

Original poster
glamourpusses · 09/05/2023 14:47

I'm asking if Love can conquer all and female has spent 4 years of her life with him and his life has become her life . Very close to
Family and friends etc.

OP posts:
DoesItHaveKosovo · 09/05/2023 14:49

No.

BeverlyHa · 09/05/2023 14:51

blah, oh my goodness. Lord , save me from such things and I am honestly praying this prayer. Thank You Lord for my gorgeous manly yet sensitive , handsome and adoring me husband.

BlastedPimples · 09/05/2023 14:51

No because of the revulsion bit.

Asexual doesn't have to include revulsion.

It would make me feel disgusting. And I don't want to feel that way.

Asexual as in not interested in sex I could handle because I'm not either.

LisaD1 · 09/05/2023 14:57

No. It would not work for me. But I’m not you. All you need to ask is does it work for you?

NumberTheory · 09/05/2023 15:03

No. There may be ways to make it work (open relationship agreement or something) but I can’t see them working for me.

They have mismatched loves for each other. This isn’t something for love to “conquer” by forcing themselves into a faux sexual relationship, it’s something for love to conquer by giving them both the generosity of spirit to pursue their needs with others better matched and build a great friendship between the two of them.

Capitulatingpanda · 09/05/2023 15:08

I wouldn't but if they were repulsed by female bits I would wonder if they were gay but didn't want to be.

Orange1992 · 09/05/2023 15:08

I wouldnt want to be in a relationship where theres no intimacy at all that said I have a flunctuating drive so assuming they had a drive too I would want to make it work in a way thats best for both but if they didnt at all then no

Bluelightbaby · 09/05/2023 15:08

I struggle enough with my partner who has a low sex drive - let alone none at all ! Sorry no I couldn’t do it

BCBird · 09/05/2023 15:10

No.

SinglePonders · 09/05/2023 15:12

I literally just couple hours ago made a thread if I have any change in love even though I can’t have sex.

Yes, yes I would marry a man, or a woman who didn’t want demand sex with me.

Are you this person?
Do you know this person?
Can we get in contact somehow?

FictionalCharacter · 09/05/2023 15:13

No. That’s friendship or house sharing, not marriage. Marriage includes a sexual relationship, which is why consummation of marriage is a thing.

Whichwhatnow · 09/05/2023 15:13

I have. He isn't repulsed though, just completely uninterested, and I've come to realise that sex was something I largely did because being desired sexually was tied into my own self worth - he is massively affectionate in other ways, clearly finds me attractive and we kiss etc all the time so the lack of actual sex isn't really an issue. I imagine if it was then it'd be much more of a problem, although he is happy to do 'other stuff' should I want to, just not PIV sex!

Happy to answer any questions...

Changemaname1 · 09/05/2023 15:15

No, not even for a second would I consider this

women don’t always have to be nice and understanding about everything

it sounds shite , find someone who enjoys sex with you

BreviloquentBastard · 09/05/2023 15:16

Absolutely not.

Sometimes love simply isn't enough. I'd not be able to live in a relationship without sex, and I definitely wouldn't be able to live with someone who found the most intimate part of me repulsive. That's just miserable.

Starplekk · 09/05/2023 15:19

No because I really enjoy sex and I'd grow resentful at something that wasn't his fault which wouldn't be fair. I would be upset if someone put on a show for x amount of time rather than being upfront and honest so their partner could make an informed decision about whether they saw a future with them.

CovertImage · 09/05/2023 15:20

blah, oh my goodness. Lord , save me from such things and I am honestly praying this prayer. Thank You Lord for my gorgeous manly yet sensitive , handsome and adoring me husband.

Fucking hell...

Whichwhatnow · 09/05/2023 15:22

FictionalCharacter · 09/05/2023 15:13

No. That’s friendship or house sharing, not marriage. Marriage includes a sexual relationship, which is why consummation of marriage is a thing.

It's really not friendship or house sharing, I find this a really ridiculous argument. My DH and I are soulmates, we've planned a life together, we are hugely affectionate and love each other deeply. Just because we don't have sex doesn't mean that we're 'just friends'. Would you feel that if your DH (if you have one) had an accident or something that prevented him from having sex with you that you were suddenly just flatmates??

Whichwhatnow · 09/05/2023 15:24

BeverlyHa · 09/05/2023 14:51

blah, oh my goodness. Lord , save me from such things and I am honestly praying this prayer. Thank You Lord for my gorgeous manly yet sensitive , handsome and adoring me husband.

My husband is all of those things cheers. Just cos he doesn't want to stick his penis into my vagina doesn't mean he's suddenly not - what a peculiar (and ignorant!) thing to say

Tigofigo · 09/05/2023 15:29

No I wouldn't be ok with it.

I'd wonder why part of my body repulsed him.

I'd worry he was gay and going to have affairs.

I don't think I could choose not to have sex for the rest of my life.

TheGrimSqueakersFlea · 09/05/2023 15:33

@SinglePonders This isn't a dating site. You sound desperate

AnneLovesGilbert · 09/05/2023 15:34

Absolutely not. I wouldn’t get over being lied to, the idea of sharing a bed with someone who was repulsed by any of me, and I think sex is incredibly important.

Do you want children? You only mention that he doesn’t.