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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you knowingly marry an asexual man

129 replies

glamourpusses · 09/05/2023 14:42

If you were a sexual being as a woman ?
Would you be happy with hugs and kisses but know he has a repulsed by womens bits .
Even if you love him??
Has anyone had this ?
Where he pretended for a while until he couldn't anymore and she had tried everything to get him to show interest in her sexually.
Could it last?
No babies planned as he doesn't want any and
Doesn't want sex .
Opinions or experience please ?

OP posts:
gamerchick · 09/05/2023 15:36

No. Not a chance in hell and if I was duped until I was in deep there would be no more trust and it would end there.

How can you be with someone who is repulsed by you? It'll suck out your soul.

Starplekk · 09/05/2023 15:36

glamourpusses · 09/05/2023 14:47

I'm asking if Love can conquer all and female has spent 4 years of her life with him and his life has become her life . Very close to
Family and friends etc.

As long as both parties are genuinely content with never having sex again then it's not an issue, who cares what others think (none of their business and they wouldn't know anyway). If however the other partner does enjoy sex and for them it's an important part of a relationship then they have a big decision to make. For me it would absolutely be a deal breaker because not only do I enjoy sex for pleasure but I also enjoy the closeness it brings (yes we are affectionate in other ways but for me nothing beats it). Others will not find that to be the case and will have a fulfilling and loving relationship still- up to you how you feel.

Starplekk · 09/05/2023 15:37

if I was duped until I was in deep there would be no more trust and it would end there.

This is also a good point.

Pinkdelight3 · 09/05/2023 15:38

Nope. Four years isn't that long in the grand scheme of a life. I'd untangle my life from his and move on to at least having the prospect of a compatible DP.

EndsandBegins · 09/05/2023 15:40

No. What’s the point?

WinterinArabia · 09/05/2023 15:40

Nope not in a million years.

Thehop · 09/05/2023 15:40

With someone who was repulsed by me? No way on earth!

tara66 · 09/05/2023 15:43

No - except possibly if woman is v. young/ immature /has never had/ enjoyed/needed sex.

mopeymouse · 09/05/2023 15:46

@Whichwhatnow

I completely agree with you.
I had some issues in my relationship and my ex constantly said we were like friends even though I adored him, still wanted to be affectionate...just the libido took a hit for various health reasons. Use to kill me when he said we were friends.

Whichwhatnow · 09/05/2023 15:48

I think the repulsion is the key differentiator between the relationship described by OP and mine with my DH - I would not be ok with this. DH makes it very clear that he finds me attractive and is very affectionate towards me. Asexuality does not need to equate to being repulsed by the other person and I could not live my life knowing that I repulsed the person who is meant to love me.

FictionalCharacter · 09/05/2023 15:49

Whichwhatnow · 09/05/2023 15:22

It's really not friendship or house sharing, I find this a really ridiculous argument. My DH and I are soulmates, we've planned a life together, we are hugely affectionate and love each other deeply. Just because we don't have sex doesn't mean that we're 'just friends'. Would you feel that if your DH (if you have one) had an accident or something that prevented him from having sex with you that you were suddenly just flatmates??

Show quote history

Plenty of marriages end up sexless. That’s surely very different from entering into a new marriage without any intention of ever having sex, because the male partner is repulsed by women’s genitalia.

ReadersD1gest · 09/05/2023 15:50

SinglePonders · 09/05/2023 15:12

I literally just couple hours ago made a thread if I have any change in love even though I can’t have sex.

Yes, yes I would marry a man, or a woman who didn’t want demand sex with me.

Are you this person?
Do you know this person?
Can we get in contact somehow?

Wtf??

Whichwhatnow · 09/05/2023 15:53

FictionalCharacter · 09/05/2023 15:49

Plenty of marriages end up sexless. That’s surely very different from entering into a new marriage without any intention of ever having sex, because the male partner is repulsed by women’s genitalia.

Show quote history

Yeah like I said in a later post repulsion is not something that I would be ok with. My DH isn't repulsed, he just doesn't have any sexual desire at all.

readbooksdrinktea · 09/05/2023 15:55

I like sex too much so no. But that's me.

CuteCillian · 09/05/2023 15:57

I might if I was 80+...

readbooksdrinktea · 09/05/2023 16:00

gamerchick · 09/05/2023 15:36

No. Not a chance in hell and if I was duped until I was in deep there would be no more trust and it would end there.

How can you be with someone who is repulsed by you? It'll suck out your soul.

Yes, good points.

StrawberryWater · 09/05/2023 16:05

Absolutely not.

There is no way I could a) be with anyone who claimed they were repulsed by a part of me (or me in general since it’s me my bits are attached to) and b) be with someone who had strung me along on a lie. The trust would instantly go and I’m worth more than that.

Sexless marriages can work but only if both partners want to be that way and it’s something they both agree to. It’s completely wrong for someone to string someone along and then say oops nah I want it my way and always have so live with it. Vile, disgusting behaviour.

LaPerduta · 09/05/2023 16:06

No, and I would be extremely pissed off at having been misled.

Also, why are you writing about yourself in the third person?

SouperWoman · 09/05/2023 16:10

I wouldn’t marry anyone who was ‘repulsed’ by my body. And HE doesn’t want sex or babies but what about YOU?
@glamourpusses my opinion? Don’t get married to anyone until you’ve had therapy for your low self-esteem. Sorry to be blunt, but it sounds like you are being gaslit by your ‘D’P. Also as per pps, I suspect he is actually gay but in deep homophobic denial of his desires.
Flowers

BoredOfThisMansWorld · 09/05/2023 16:19

No.

And the fact that he'd pretended to be into sex with me would make me feel -at best - as if I'd been quite inhumanely used.

Sux2buthen · 09/05/2023 16:22

FictionalCharacter · 09/05/2023 15:13

No. That’s friendship or house sharing, not marriage. Marriage includes a sexual relationship, which is why consummation of marriage is a thing.

Bollocks.
Sorry but my parents are unable to have a physical relationship but they are very much happily married. They aren't housemates ffs

itsabigtree · 09/05/2023 16:23

No don't do it.

Moneypanicker · 09/05/2023 16:24

No definitely not. Not into loads of sex but it's certainly an important part of my marriage, it's nice to know that my husband wants me.

FictionalCharacter · 09/05/2023 16:26

Sux2buthen · 09/05/2023 16:22

Bollocks.
Sorry but my parents are unable to have a physical relationship but they are very much happily married. They aren't housemates ffs

Show quote history

When they married they obviously did have a sexual relationship. That isn’t the OP’s scenario. She’s talking about a new marriage in which there will never be sex, and in which the man is repulsed by female genitals. Plenty of people are in marriages that started off sexual and the sex declined to nothing. That’s completely different from entering into a marriage that will never include sex.

Undertherock · 09/05/2023 16:29

I mean, I expect that if we’re together long enough we might get to a point where it’s no longer possible.

And tbf we’ve been through a couple of rough patches where my libido sank. But there’s a huge difference between staying together after a long happy and sexually fulfilling relationship, and taking that on in the first place.

It would be a no from me.