Page 4 | Would you knowingly marry an asexual man

AmeliaWarnerBros · 09/05/2023 17:18

Sounds like my dream man tbh, apart from the repulsed bit. I dream of a relationship one day (I have been happily single for over a decade) where I don't need to do anything sexual. That'd suit me perfectly.

Hellno45 · 09/05/2023 17:20

I think it depends on her wants and needs. If she wants sex and he doesn't then they aren't compatible. I wouldnt stay in a sexless marriage. I don't personally think love can conquer all. I think it helps but it isn't a failsafe. You can love someone but have expectation, needs and boundaries. Also there are different types of love. I wouldn't sacrifice my wants and needs for someone else's. I think that would breed resentment and the relationship would be doomed anyway.

DaaamnYoullDo · 09/05/2023 17:21

No. That feeling of being desired is non negotiable for me. Sex is actually a huge part of a relationship for me now, I don't think I could ever bear a relationship where I'm not getting my needs met again.

Catastrophejane · 09/05/2023 17:21

glamourpusses · 09/05/2023 16:56

It's a tough call.
He's explained that he feels attraction but the bits make him 🤮 I've tried to seduce him many times . He said it's not me but him.
He is loving and funny and loves cuddles.
We have a lovely comfortable life together . He is very in touch with his emotions and demonstrative with everyone not just me.
I would lose a lot if I walked away and I've been in quite abusive relationships before.

He sounds gay OP.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but it doesn’t sound like he’s being open about it. What is he getting out of this relationship?

how old are you both? How do you feel about no sex/no kids?

I get it. If you’ve been in an abusive relationship, it’s difficult to throw back the kind guys. But it clearly bothers you enough to post on here, so it’s far from perfect.

I’d be worried you were just being treated badly in a different way.

JustLollopingAlong · 09/05/2023 17:22

no

strawberry2017 · 09/05/2023 17:23

Do you want children? If the answer is yes then it will never work.

Throughalookingglass · 09/05/2023 17:24

Peridot1 · 09/05/2023 14:43

No. Not knowingly. I did though. And it’s soul destroying.

This.

Does he talk about it? When I was in this situation, it was never discussed. I felt so repulsive for so long.

caringcarer · 09/05/2023 17:24

No I'd not tolerate it. For me part of a good marriage is sex. I would feel frustrated and resentful if my dh did not want sex with me. What you describe is good friends or housemates, not a marriage.

Hellno45 · 09/05/2023 17:24

sladys · 09/05/2023 16:41

Interesting question.....

I'm only a year into a relationship and trying to figure out if my DP is asexual or has a very low sex drive.

If you take sex out the equation it's the best relationship of my life (even better than my 15 year marriage). If you'd asked me before I met him, I'd have said I wouldn't even contemplate a relationship with very little sex. Now that I'm in it and madly in love, it definitely doesn't feel like friendship/flatmates.

The part about being repulsed by me would be a deal breaker but the part about not wanting (much) sex, im toying with

Is he prepared to address his libido? Has he had a GP appointment and health check? Low sex drive can be linked to hormones levels.

Original poster

glamourpusses · 09/05/2023 17:26

He said he's always been like this.

OP posts:

drpet49 · 09/05/2023 17:28

Cakencookieobsessed · 09/05/2023 14:43

No. Why would you?

This!

RuthTopp · 09/05/2023 17:29

I think maybe I could if I went into relationship with eyes open from the beginning , but only if it was penis in vagina aversion and he was willing to do everything else.
But in the case of no sexual contact at all ever - nope.

Strugglingtodomybest · 09/05/2023 17:30

No, I personally wouldn't. I like sex too much.

IDontWantToBeAPie · 09/05/2023 17:31

No. I want to be loved for all of me not disgust my husband.

Whichwhatnow · 09/05/2023 17:36

OP is it just your genitalia he is repulsed by? How does he demonstrate this - is he vocal about it? I mean, objectively speaking neither male nor female genitalia are particularly beautiful 😆. But I wouldn't be happy with someone making a 'thing' out of finding a part of me repulsive. I find DH's feet pretty grim tbh but I don't bang on about it!

I don't know, for me my relationship with my DH is the best and most loving, respectful, fun, affectionate I've ever had, so for me the lack of sex is more than made up in other ways. But it's really up to individual choice.

Thedogscollar · 09/05/2023 17:37

Do you want children OP? You said he doesn't!
Revulsion at female genitalia would be a deal breaker and surely if you truly loved somebody you wouldn't be revulsed by any part of them.
I can't see this working unless you are happy with this. A loving relationship can be platonic but it is enhanced by the physicality of that love.

FrancescaContini · 09/05/2023 17:37

Sounds like a complete waste of life

Batalax · 09/05/2023 17:38

My friend ended her otherwise fantastic marriage because it eventually made her feel worthless. He went on to marry someone else and word on the grapevine is that it’s exactly the same. If she have known that previously, perhaps she wouldn’t have taken it so personally and they could have stayed together.

DeflatedAgain · 09/05/2023 17:40

Nah. It needs to be a two way thing to be fair

maranella · 09/05/2023 17:41

If he didn't mind me having sex with other men, then maybe?

rumbusiness · 09/05/2023 17:41

Whichwhatnow · 09/05/2023 15:22

It's really not friendship or house sharing, I find this a really ridiculous argument. My DH and I are soulmates, we've planned a life together, we are hugely affectionate and love each other deeply. Just because we don't have sex doesn't mean that we're 'just friends'. Would you feel that if your DH (if you have one) had an accident or something that prevented him from having sex with you that you were suddenly just flatmates??

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I would feel like we were good friends who lived together.

After a while of not having sex, I'm not sure how intimate it would feel at all.

rumbusiness · 09/05/2023 17:43

glamourpusses · 09/05/2023 14:42

If you were a sexual being as a woman ?
Would you be happy with hugs and kisses but know he has a repulsed by womens bits .
Even if you love him??
Has anyone had this ?
Where he pretended for a while until he couldn't anymore and she had tried everything to get him to show interest in her sexually.
Could it last?
No babies planned as he doesn't want any and
Doesn't want sex .
Opinions or experience please ?

I don't even understand how marriages/relationships like this get started in the first place. If my husband and I hadn't spent the first couple of years fucking each other absolutely every possible moment, I don't believe we'd have been able to get through the subsequent couple of decades. Sex is the glue that holds a marriage together.

letsgojo · 09/05/2023 17:44

Personally yes, but I'm lonely and have my children already so I could be with someone without sex xx

Pieceofpurplesky · 09/05/2023 17:45

In my 50s and single. Sex is not something I want or think about since menopause. It would be fine for me, someone to hold hands with, cuddle with and travel with.

It's a really individual thing

CoalCraft · 09/05/2023 17:56

Trying to imagine if my husband became like this. I think I would stay with him. I really do love him very much and sex is pretty low down on the list of reasons why. It wouldn't be ideal though and I wouldn't judge anyone who left.