To keep my son off school.

[ThankYouMama]

GM.

My partner has been admitted into hospital for treatment for his OCD.

Our 6 year old son is upset and confused, our 17 month old is staying at my partners mother until he has finished his treatment and is feeling better.

Yesterday he behaved pretty badly, and is refusing to go to school today. I really don't want to send him, because I don't know how he is going to behave whilst there, and I will probably be on edge for the whole day

Sorry?

So I can't refer to my own child as "the baby" it's a habit!

Some people have nicknames for their children. But I think that, in a thread where there are some pretty clear issues with bonding between mother and children, people may be picking up on your use of "the" rather than "my" as a further sign of detachment.

I think they're picking up on "the baby" indicating detachment (as opposed to "my baby")

You think that the best thing for your toddler is to send him away.

You think your 6 year old is well cared for because you take him to buy a toy and let him self sooth to sleep with an i-pad.

Neither you nor your partner will take medication to deal with the illnesses you have.

You need serious help.

There is more going on than anxiety here. Op please see a gp while your ds1 is at school, it feels as if your mh is spiralling and you are losing perspective. AD may well help you short term, if you had a physical injury you would seek urgent treatment and take medication if needs be. Your ds must feel so confused , possibly even blame himself for his father and sibling's disappearance, how sad he needs therapy already at 6. That shows the damage the ocd and your attitude towards it has caused . You say mil is not close by yet still within an easy visit, so can't be that far. Can you visit with him after school?

She lives 45 minutes away, I have to take a taxi there, I can't always drive because of my anxiety.

I'm not too sure whether you are implying that I give my 6 year old to my MIL to care for? If so, I don't understand why you'd suggest such a thing, how do you know that she'd be able to manage both of them? since you think you know everything.

My 6 year old is staying with me, I'm more than capable caring for him.

My 6 year old is staying with me, I'm more than capable caring for him.

But you're not.

Everyone is telling you that you are NOT coping, NOT doing a good job with him at all. Because you and his father have serious mental health issues - he might be addressing his, you are definitely not addressing yours.

I did n't suggest that your 6 yo is sent away too. Just that being apart from his sibling may be upsetting him further and he may benefit from seeing him. Ideally as a family unit at home. You have an opportunity to create a new normal while( your partner is away, a home in which you can all relax and to which , if he returns, he has to adapt. His ocd has dominated and blighted your lives this is a chance to put that right. If you don't make changes now it will soon revert on his return.

My 6 year old is staying with me, I'm more than capable caring for him

but you said you can’t look after your toddler - why is that?
how long will you leave this child with your MIL?

Kindly, in order for you to get a life you need to reconsider why you won't accept the idea of medication to help deal with your anxiety as therapy clearly isn't helping.

There is no stigma attached to taking medication for anxiety. DD has been on anti anxiety meds for several years, and they have been a game changer for her. They worked when therapy didn't.

If you had a broken leg you would use crutches. This is no different.

Surely, you must sense from all the replies on this thread that this entire set up is extremely disfunctional. You don't work, you can't look after both your children, you can't look after your house, your partner is emotionally abusing you and basically your anxiety is limiting your life far too much.

Re your "partner" - you are supposed to be his partner, not his social worker. I think you need to evaluate your relationship with him. By all means support him, but not to the detriment of your and your children's lives.

I actually agree with you on this part its pathetic its like a 5 year old running to their mum to grass their sibling up. Posters need to realise if they don't like something they can just scroll on. Iv recently had 2 threads taken down due to people running to mumsnet and the only msg I got from mumsnet is a list of mh phone numbers which I obviously already know. What people don't realise is these threads can be a good distraction to get you through the day and offer support to stop you doing something really stupid. Reporting and taking posts down of vulnerable people is not helpful and often has the opposite effect. When my posts where taking down it meant I no longer had support or a distraction to get me through the day which then leads to using very unhelpful coping strategies. People do genuinely need to realise these are real people behind these posts and they have posted for a reason. So if you don't like it please scroll past instead of running to mumsnet to grass as you really don't understand the full consequences of what your doing. Sorry op back to your thread it just had to be said.

BTW, assuming this is real, I am one of those suggesting that the 6 yo would be better off with his sibling and grandmother. He wants to be with them because he doesn't want to be in the shit show he's currently in.

But even ifs there's only a 1% chance she isn't a troll would you really want to risk that. Op obviously has her reasons for posting this thread and that's OK. You can either engage or not thats your choice

You don't know I ignored it. The posts where a nice distraction to help me through the day and just because I may appear to ignore advice at the time doesn't mean I don't get there in the end after some reflection. Hence why I'm awake and able to write clearly at 8 in the morning

Risk what? I'm not following you here...

When people are on the edge it doesn't take much to push them over it and to be made to feel abandoned when your asking for help is one way to do that. You need to realise some people on here are extremely vulnerable

I think the OP's posts are entirely genuine .I think she comes from a very different demographic to many MN posters ,that her upbringing and wealth have resulted in someone who has no experience of raising children.Or living in the world that 99% of us live in .

It's sad that she has such fixed views about things and is unwilling to consider changing them or entertain the idea that she might be misguided .Why so fixated on the notion that medication will render her incapable of caring for a 6 year old ?That it will "slow "her husband down ".I can understand the worry about coping with 2 youngsters while out and about ,but to accept it as a given as opposed to ask for advice on how to do it is really concerning .

@ThankYouMama mumsnet is really very good and helpful when it comes to offering advice to parents who are struggling with their children's behaviour or need help in how to approach an aspect of being a parent .
A previous poster has suggested that you give more detail about what you find overwhelming and I'm sure posters will come up with good advice .
You won't be the first poster with anxiety and finding parenting hard .

@ThankYouMama

Can you give more detail about your anxiety? How does it present? When was it diagnosed? What treatment have you tried/are you having?

What do you wish your family life to be like?

You're not actually capable of looking after your older child.
You were going to keep him off school yesterday to keep yourself calm.
You thought that bribing him with an expensive toy was good parenting.
You let him take an iPad to bed (!)
And you won't consider medication for yourself when it's clear you need it.