To keep my son off school.

[ThankYouMama]

GM.

My partner has been admitted into hospital for treatment for his OCD.

Our 6 year old son is upset and confused, our 17 month old is staying at my partners mother until he has finished his treatment and is feeling better.

Yesterday he behaved pretty badly, and is refusing to go to school today. I really don't want to send him, because I don't know how he is going to behave whilst there, and I will probably be on edge for the whole day

I was hoping our second child would be a little girl, but he wasn't. I don't care if this sounds wrong, but if he were a girl, I would have her with me all the time because a girl is what I've been longing for.

It does sound very wrong - have you been checked for pnd - I ask because it does sound like maybe you haven't bonded well - while MIL should be a good place for them it's very odd to want to be separated from the younger child.

As for not coping - well practice helps a lot there - and if you really can't then you do need additional support.

As you have a 17 month you should have a HV - who should be able to point you in direction of any support but it does sound like you need to see your GP about your anxiety - get your medication adjusted or put on some.

Those poor little lads.

OP, this behaviour by your partner is abusive. Your own behaviour is pretty dreadful in abandoning your toddler for not being a girl, but I hope that's just a bonding issue because of the coercive control from your partner and hopefully can be resolved with support.

So you'd be able to cope better with a girl?

Do you think you're using not coping as an excuse to avoid spending time with your baby?

You’ve sent your little boy away because he isn’t a girl? That is the saddest thing to read. That poor baby

What difference does his sex make at that age? Put him in a purple t shirt/ pink t shirt and just treat him as you would a girl. He’s literally a baby!

"..................... it's very odd to want to be separated from the younger child"

Well, it would be if she was really being separated from him.
But OP doesn't look after the younger child anyway.
She takes the older one to school then stays out all day until she picks him up.
She says that this is because her partner believes that she couldn't cope with the younger child.

I am wondering now if it's really because the OP wanted a girl and doesn't want to look after a second little boy.

Keep in mind there's no evidence - unless you are privy to more information - of coercive control. From what the OP has said so far, it sounds like a SAHD with mental illness, who has been doing all the housework and childcare whilst his partner shops and lunches, who has reached breaking point.

OP, it doesn't just 'sound' wrong. It is wrong, very, very wrong, at a profoundly fundamental level, on top of all the other things that are wrong in this situation.

Taking your posts at face value for a moment: You seem entirely concerned, in a startlingly immature way, with your feelings, your impulses. You wanted a baby, so had one at 20 with a minor. You can't (or won't) look after both children by yourself, so you leave your very young child with your severely mentally ill partner and have now sent him to live with relatives. Your partner 'doesn't trust' you with your younger son (other thread) - he is clearly obsessive and potentially paranoid, but given you say you would have a girl with you all the time because 'that's what you've been longing for', I wonder whether there are seeds of reason in his paranoia, on this issue at least. You seem completely detached from the consequences of your impulses and actions, and from the weight of your decisions, and incapable of providing either of your children with emotional safety and stability. The best thing that could happen to your children and ultimately to you is that social services become involved (and act).

Can you explain what it is about little girls that you find acceptable, OP?

Because most people on this thread are aghast are your callous indifference to your second child, and your shameless announcement that you'd look after a little girl because it's what you've longed for.

Because it' not normal and when things aren't normal it's best to rule anything medical as a cause rather than to immediately jump to pick forks and shouts of burn the witch.

I suspect school is on the ball and SS may be already aware as several people in RL know the situation OP is in - also SS can't just march in the situation has be at a level they can intervene which can be shockingly high and even then they can't just march in and take kids what ever soem posters on MN think.

TripleDaisySummer - agreed. I don't necessarily think coercive control by the partner is in play, but what there is is certainly a highly disrupted, disordered mother-child bond.

@ThankYouMama

Has your partner ever expressed concern that you may hurt or harm your baby in some way? Have you ever expressed concern that you could?
Is that why he doesn't want you to be alone with the baby?

I think refusing to allow her to have her baby around other people at any point without strip-searching the child is controlling and abusive.

The SAHD seems incredibly paranopid about child abuse, and I do wonder where that stems from. The whole situation is a disaster and I feel for the poor wee lads.

You need to leave this relationship @ThankYouMama and get some therapy for yourself.

Exactly it is vey unclear what the situation is other than the second child mother bond doesn't seem right.

I think best advice is to strongly encourage the OP to seek medical help herself in RL via GP or HV or see extra support though something like https://www.home-start.org.uk/ or to talk to the school - my DC primary has a parent liaison officer who often dealt with complex family situations.

I don't think we should being encouraging OP fear of SS - Op may well need support they can provide.

Controlling and abusive or fearful and concerned?

We have one side of what sounds to be a complicated and disjointed story.

OP says they are paying for him to be at The Priory. They clearly have exceptional wealth and aren’t living the same way that most people do.

Ok so…

• Get a job

• look after your children - get your 17 month old back and start being a mother to him.

• don’t use anxiety as a means to do nothing

• take your child to school

• learn to look after yourself and your house

HTH