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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To keep my son off school.

612 replies

ThankYouMama · 09/05/2023 06:31

GM.

My partner has been admitted into hospital for treatment for his OCD.

Our 6 year old son is upset and confused, our 17 month old is staying at my partners mother until he has finished his treatment and is feeling better.

Yesterday he behaved pretty badly, and is refusing to go to school today. I really don't want to send him, because I don't know how he is going to behave whilst there, and I will probably be on edge for the whole day

OP posts:
MNHQ
HopeMumsnet · 09/05/2023 12:41

Hi all,
Just to re-iterate that our guidelines on troll-hunting have not and will not change. We ask that if you have concerns about a poster you report the thread and let us do our jobs. We can never vouch for anyone 100%, of course, but in this instance it's abundantly clear from our own post on this thread that we are giving this poster the benefit of the doubt.
Anyone who doesn't wish also to do so is welcome to click away and view any of the other hundreds of thousands of posts that are available on MN, but wherever you are we must insist that you post within guidelines.

pillsthrillsandbellyache · 09/05/2023 12:42

I think for all the people slating the husband need to remember, he was 17 YEARS OLD when they met. OP, wanted and got a baby with him straight away. The OCD may be a way he coped with feeling in control. You're all very well telling the OP that he's been abusive sending baby to live with his mum but I think that's the best place for the baby. The 6 year old already has rituals. He's 6. The father sounds VERY unwell and I hope the treatment helps him.

pillsthrillsandbellyache · 09/05/2023 12:43

The OP was 23 when they met I believe.

Sunsetandsmiles · 09/05/2023 12:45

pillsthrillsandbellyache · 09/05/2023 12:43

The OP was 23 when they met I believe.

So OP was 23 and involved with a 17 year old? Hate to say it but if it was the other way around he would be getting slated for getting a 17 year old pregnant.

HistoryFanatic · 09/05/2023 12:47

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Thegoodbadandugly · 09/05/2023 12:51

Looking from afar at another family that are in the same position as you I can see them mentally destroying their child and it is absolutely awful to watch, do yourself a favour and your children get yourself out of the relationship and get yourself sorted out before any of your children come to serious harm which is already begining to happen.

cadburyegg · 09/05/2023 12:53

OP you say that you are worried about your son's teachers picking up on your anxiety and calling SS, but keeping kids off school is a massive red flag. Irregular attendance can trigger a referral to SS.

You need to learn to cope with your kids on your own, what would happen if you became a single parent? It can happen to anyone. I'm a single mum of 2 boys also, they are 5 and 8, I also suffer with depression and am on high dose ADs, and yes it is hard work but they need me. I'm not the best parent in the world but I'm the best one they have! I'd never dream of sending them to live somewhere else unless I was in hospital or something. The more you do it the more you will get used to it. All you are doing now is kicking the can down the road.

I hope you get the help you need.

LolaSmiles · 09/05/2023 12:55

Sunsetandsmiles
Agreed, but they're several years in here and, assuming it's genuine, it doesn't matter so much right now which person was worse at time of conception. There's a very concerning safeguarding situation here where two adults are causing harm to their children by either choosing not to prioritise their children's wellbeing, or they lack the capacity to prioritise their children's wellbeing.

The fact the OP says she's not looking after both her children because she can't manage, whilst also deliberately trying to remain under the radar of social services is highly concerning.

IBlinkThereforeIAm · 09/05/2023 13:00

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PixieLaLa · 09/05/2023 13:09

I took the comment about if OP had had a girl they would be with her all the time because DP would want/let her but I could be totally wrong there!

TheShellBeach · 09/05/2023 13:11

PixieLaLa · 09/05/2023 13:09

I took the comment about if OP had had a girl they would be with her all the time because DP would want/let her but I could be totally wrong there!

I actually can't figure out what the OP meant by that particular comment.

OP - can you clarify why you wouldn't mind looking after a baby girl?

kittensinthekitchen · 09/05/2023 13:16

@ThankYouMama Can you expand further on your comment wishing your baby was a girl?

Were you able to cope with your first child alone when he was younger? Do you think your ability to manage parenthood has decreased as your partner's OCD has worsened?

Original poster
ThankYouMama · 09/05/2023 13:16

pillsthrillsandbellyache · 09/05/2023 12:43

The OP was 23 when they met I believe.

Sorry???

How could I have possibly been 23 when they met?

Our son is turning 7 in June
My partner will be 25 in July
I will be 28 in November

There's a 2 and a half age gap between my partner and I.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThankYouMama · 09/05/2023 13:17

PixieLaLa · 09/05/2023 13:09

I took the comment about if OP had had a girl they would be with her all the time because DP would want/let her but I could be totally wrong there!

I don't know what you are trying to imply?

What do you mean by you "could be wrong"?

OP posts:
Ivalueloyaltyaboveallelse · 09/05/2023 13:17

This post is deeply disturbing. I was sure it would be flagged as a troll post, as so many concerning aspects. I think both you and your husband need support. I have OCD and know I can be difficult to live with at times especially when my OCD becomes overwhelming. However Op I think SS involvement would be a good thing as you need to be able to look after your children independently and your husband needs to learn coping strategies for his OCD. I glad he’s getting support but you seriously need it too. You are unhappy to go home, hardly spend anytime with your children and suffering from anxiety. All this will have an impact on your children.

Original poster
ThankYouMama · 09/05/2023 13:19

@Sunsetandsmiles

No I wasn't, the poster who said that has obviously made up their own story. I am 27 years of age, my partner is 25 in two months.

OP posts:
diddl · 09/05/2023 13:20

Bloody hell Op.

You'd be better off getting therapy for yourself to get away from your partner & coping with your two kids.

You avoid your partner, he isn't there so there is no reason whatsoever to not be looking after your younger son as well.

TheShellBeach · 09/05/2023 13:21

Are you still concerned that your partner is cheating on you, OP?

Original poster
ThankYouMama · 09/05/2023 13:21

PixieLaLa · 09/05/2023 13:09

I took the comment about if OP had had a girl they would be with her all the time because DP would want/let her but I could be totally wrong there!

Yes you are totally wrong!

I wanted girls, but I am happy with my boys now they are here.

I was hoping our second child would be a little girl, but he wasn't. I don't care if this sounds wrong, but if he were a girl, I would have her with me all the time because a girl is what I've been longing for.

OP posts:
ballerinagirl · 09/05/2023 13:22

You are worried incase the school think you can't cope?!
But you can't! Confused

CrumpetsandJammmm · 09/05/2023 13:23

I don't care if this sounds wrong, but if he were a girl, I would have her with me all the time because a girl is what I've been longing for.

Can’t you see how very, very wrong that is?

ClawedButler · 09/05/2023 13:23

Your poor kids.

You just don't appear to care how they feel, or what this is doing to them.

MayThe4th · 09/05/2023 13:25

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Original poster
ThankYouMama · 09/05/2023 13:25

TheShellBeach · 09/05/2023 13:21

Are you still concerned that your partner is cheating on you, OP?

Well not at the moment... because he is in hospital.

But I know he has cheated on me in the past, and no it's not me being anxious or paranoid!

OP posts:
toddlermom99 · 09/05/2023 13:26

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