To have made my MIL cry?

[TashieWoo]

There is a back story but things are amicable but strained between my PILs and I; I tolerate them for the sake of DP and DD (1yo). They come to us for the day once a month ish.

Today was DD’s first birthday picnic. I’d been rushing around all morning getting the house, food & DD ready, plus I’m getting over a bad cold and have a bad throat, no voice and I’m pretty run down. When ILs arrived earlier than expected I didn’t have any makeup on and was getting ready in the bedroom, I took DD through to see them and get my makeup bag which was in the lounge. MIL immediately commented that my skin had broken out again. I was taken aback even though she has form for this kind of tactless remark, DP said that I hadn’t been well; and I just got my makeup bag and curtly said that I had better cover it up then.

Next thing I know MIL is crying, and then she ignores me for the rest of the afternoon even when I offer her a drink etc, and makes me out to be a bitch. Honestly is there ever any way of getting through to these women who go through life manipulating others to feel sorry for them?! I’m fed up with it.

She sounds vile. Playing the victim as she was caught out being the rude one.
Do you have to do a full day once a month? I think I'd be trying to see her less!

What was she crying for she was the one that was a cheeky cow!
You didn't say anything wrong at all in fact you were quite polite. More polite than I'd have been.

She wouldn't be welcome in my house after that nonsense

Meh. Im the MiL in this scenario and I say she’s a bitch. Let your DP do the facilitation of DGC and DGM meetings in future. Show her (and your DP) you have boundaries you are prepared to enforce.

Tell her to fuck off. I did it very very early on in my marriage and in 28 years have nothing less than a respectful appreciation since. Though I suspect I am the only person ever to say it to the woman.

My mum does this. She says tactless and insulting things to me and when she realises she's upset me she gets really offended and cries. So then I feel guilty. It's maddening.

She’s being very manipulative. Just ignore her and get on with your day.

What did she say you’d done to make her cry?
My MIL stormed off a few weeks ago because I finally cracked after she’d criticised me and my house multiple times. I was the one bad because I reacted to unkindness.
With people like this, it’s better to keep them at arms length as much as possible. They’re hard work.
I hope you husband isn’t buying in to her narrative.

I’d avoid her for a long time - she was very spiteful

The first time my mother in law saw me without makeup she gave me skin cream a month later for my birthday.

I see it as funny now but it wasn't at the time.

Just ignore her being a martyr and don't be afraid to stand up to her.

Does your dp not say anything when she starts crying-its maniuplative

my mil cried once when i said dont eat all the sweets a a joke

Depends how it was said. If I walked in with a break out on my skin and my MIL said "ah no has your skin flared up again" I wouldnt think for 1 minute she was being nasty. I think it depends how it was said.

Would you really be happy for everyone's attention to be drawn to it? Would you say it about someone else who might be sensitive about their skin?

OP, I hope no-one sympathised with your MIL?

My mum used to do this ...... Tactless to the point of rude but it if I said anything, she accused me of being over sensitive ...then she would start crying, blubbing that she always got the blame and she couldn't say anything.

It's not you it's her. You didn't make her cry. She made herself cry and her grand daughter's birthday about her

We’ll I hope you left her to it… now I am the first person to say #notallMIL but mine was like this. I just ignored it. Things took a turn between my DH and her that was totally outside of my doing so I haven’t exactly seen or heard from her in over 12 years, but yeah I just stood my ground and ignored the theatrics

Would you be happy if someone said it to your daughter because I wouldn't, no matter how it was said. Its so unnecessary and nasty.

Where was your DH in all of this, including getting the house and food ready?

Mine once told me in all seriousness “I’m glad you’re doing ok now”

This was after we relocated for my job and mMy DH had given up his job, he had to recertification and be rehired in a career that had a notoriously long and painful hiring process.

My response was a simple “We’re doing better than ok” as I walked off. What she didn’t know was that I was making in salary at the time probably what his parents were making combined and his new salary doubled that. She hated me and I was ok with that.

Same. My mother often sympathised or worried about how my health or skin was. People who know us well often notice. It's one of the many things I miss about her.

You didn’t make her cry. I would cancel next months visit, you don’t have to invite people to your house to be rude to you. Dp can take dc to see them and explain that she was rude to you last month so no you won’t be coming today.

If it came from a place of genuine concern, she'd have said something more sympathetic and discreet. We don't even know if OP actually has a skin condition and whether she has discussed this with MIL in the past.

I think you need to keep snapping at her if she’s rude like that. How else will she learn that it’s not okay to speak to you (or your kids) like that?

That's still really rude. My 5 year old knows that it's unacceptable to make unsolicited comments about people's bodies.

I’d take the win when she ignores you, and stop offering her drinks. Just pretend she doesn’t exist, to her rude face. And if she critiques you in DC’s hearing (when they’re old enough to understand), she doesn’t get to see DC.

My mil regularly says "are you ok?" .. yeah I'm fine, why, what's up? .. you look very tired, almost drunk. Honestly don't know how I haven't snapped after the 60th time. I have 3 kids, pregnant with our 4th, this is my face!!!