to ask you to tell me honestly what you'd think of someone in my situation?

[korey]

I am constantly worried about what people think of me to the point where I talk about it in therapy and it is a focus to try and work on. I thought I should just bite the bullet, ask on here for honest opinions?

Im a single parent to a one year old. My ex left me two months into the pregnancy. I own my home but obviously live there alone with dc, average income of 55k. Ex does pay maintenance but never sees dc.

My therapist thinks I am more judgemental of myself than anyone else would be and I think it’s probably to do with my upbringing… what happened to me when pregnant is a hot topic for gossip among those i grew up with. However this fear has now extended to nursery… i dare not speak to any other mums as I don’t want to have to explain I’m a lone parent. I’m so embarrassed. im 38 now too so it’s unlikely I will meet someone and obviously don’t have the time anyway.

Im truly not asking for nice responses to make me feel better, I really want to know honestly what you’d think of me, and what your own background is… i feel like among the people I know this is just the worst thing to happen to someone and you are just an awful person if it has. I am so scared of sharing who I am for fear of judgement.

Just to add OP you don't need to explain your single status to anyone.

When I made friends that were single mums they were established single people. It never occurred to me to grill them about why. I have no idea "what went on" or "who left who". We just enjoyed each others company as any friend does.

People should take you as they find you. If someone asks "does your child see their dad" just say "no they are not on the scene" if they are nosy and you don't want to discuss it just say that. Mostly you will be busy making sure your kids don't eat lego.

I felt embarrassed and ashamed and a failure when my marriage ended when DC were little. I understand where you are coming from. You will find as your DC gets older you will meet more and more people in similar situations to you, I know quite a few that have no contact with their biological father. It makes it easier when you know others in the same boat.

But as for what I’d think, I think you were a strong and dedicated mum making the best of the hand she’s been dealt. There would certainly not be any negative judgement.

I'd just think you're just another mum doing the best she can. After being married for 16 years, I became a single parent to my 3 teens and it has never occurred to me to be concerned about how others see me.
This really is a worry for you rather than the people you meet. I would imagine the sheer stress of your partner buggering off at the start of the pregnancy has aggravated any insecurity you may have already had.
Seriously, it's okay, you are fine. Anyone that judges you for your situation would have been a prick to you no matter what was going on in your life. The rest of us are all good with the different situations people find themselves in.

I genuinely wouldn't give it a second thought, I know several single parents and it never crosses my mind to think anything of it.
I don't think they're doing any better or worse than those who have partners, it's just part of life.

Exactly this!!!

Is 38 a bad thing to be single?! Since when?

Came to write something like this too

I am in the same situation OP. My child is now well into primary school and tbh when I got to know a few of the mums a little better I realised that no one has a perfect life. My mum friends (and others!) Have an extremely low opinion of my ex but I don't think anyone else cares. Families come in all shapes and sizes, I wouldn't spend a second worrying about what others think. You are doing an amazing thing raising a child alone :)

...and OP..forgot to say my mum left my dad ...in the 70s too!

I wouldn't think anything at all.

If I did think anything then all it would be is a bit of empathy that it's a tough situation, also that most single parents deserve a lot of respect.

I know it's difficult but please try to turn this around. You shouldn't feel embarrassed you should feel proud.

We moved here when my DC were 4 and 1, no dad. Never felt judged in the slightest, the only comments I've ever had from parents in couples were admiration that I was doing it alone! My DC made tons of good friends, as did I, and since I've been seeing someone (met him when I was 45, so it's definitely possible for you if you want that) all I've had from other parents is excitement and helpful babysitting! Your therapist is right.