What is it with people and the idea of being “grown up”?

[ChiChaNaYubi]

Spent another evening with family being told my husband and I are “childish” and “how old are you?” And “when are you going to grow up?”

I just find it all so strange. We are grownups. We own 2 properties, have careers, children, we pay bills, drive sensible cars etc.

Yet because we enjoy gaming, playing Pokémon go on walks, having nerf gun wars, skating etc we are just looked down on and treated like idiots. I see it on here sometimes as well with people looking down on adults who enjoy Disney or wearing dungarees for example.

What is this weird obsession with conforming to a set idea of what a grown up should look like?

Aibu to think it doesn’t matter how people spend their downtime when the daily grind is done? Do you feel like this or have people who make comments like this?

Those things are pretty childish, to be fair.

I get it, we do the normal grown up things but also like things people would label as childish

As long as your hobby doesn't cause any harm/loss to another- go forth & have fun.

Nah, fuck it - they're miserable killjoys. You're not harming anyone, so crack on. Sounds fun!

Yeah ‘Disney adults’ get so much hate 😭 it’s not hurting anybody.

Grown ups should not have a laugh -
their weekends are taken up with reading The Telegraph and listening to a radio 4

i am not a grown up because I binge watch The Sewing Bee, The Windsors and watch Only Fools on Gold and i laugh at Top Gear when James May says COCK

My mum always asks me when I plan to grow up. I'm nearly 40, house,partner,kid.

But you know, I like to have fun and a giggle and find joy in stupid or small things and I'm happier (or at least ok) when I can be silly and let myself be. That might be the way I act,some of the clothes I wear or what I do. I'm definitely happier and less stresses than she was/is because I don't have to constantly check myself if I think some arbitrary boxes.

Some of the kids I work with ask me the same thing but it never has the same negative connotations. In fact, they quite like me because of it.

I’d rather spend time with you two

I think the ability to do all the proper things you mentioned and make time to game, have NERF gun fights, play Pokémon Go (my trainer number is 0284 5640 9747 if you need any more friends) is grown up actually. You're grown up enough to decide to do things you enjoy and not deprive yourself of them because of what others might think.

But why?

Your examples certainly wouldn’t make me think someone needs to grow up. People who are bitchy/playground bully types I do think to myself ‘grow up’

people’s hobbies are no one else’s business really. I’m actually finding joy in ‘childish’ things again since having children of my own. It’s the incessant need to conform, be your own unique self I say!

I’m adding you, @ISaySteadyOn 😁

Fuck it if they want to adhere to the idea that you have to be a certain way to be a 'proper' grown up then honestly fuck it they're not worth spending time with.

Being a 'proper' grown up is bloody boring! As I always tell the kids I teach growing up doesn't mean you have to be a grown up. It's nice to enjoy the little things, no one ever got to the end and wished they had, had less fun!

Some people are lucky enough to remain playful throughout their life. I’m a bit like this too, I enjoy Mario kart, painting….and not in a talented artistic way. I think people mixup being playful with being childish. I think it’s great to keep some playfulness

Those things aren't childish. We don't all want to sit around and knit round the wireless like its the forties. Those of us at or around the 40 age mark grew up with hobbies and games which have remained accessible despite our advance in age. We are also a generation who is more keen to fight back when people try to stop us doing things we actually enjoy, just because some share the opinion that said hobbies are childish.

Skating - it's keeping active, as is pokemon go. Board games, computer games, they generally require brain power which is great because keeping the mind busy is meant to help stave off alzheimers (I think that's the one). Dungarees - well who tf gets to say what clothes we can wear, ffs. I mean, most of the cooler dungs have so many pockets, I adore them.

I'm definitely not grown up, my adhd is crippling and I took a knitted blanket and my squashy bear to the cinema this eve so I could make myself comfortable (the chairs are often so uncomfortable). But I own a property, have two kids, am progressing with the start of my small business set up. I am who I am and I'll shit on anyone who feels the need to judge me.

YANBU

Theres this weird obsession with growing up but not too quickly. So you can’t get married or have kids before 29. You should spend your twenties travelling and having sex and doing drugs. Then somewhere between 29 and 30 you’re expected to have a 4 bed detached, now expected to have an electric vehicle, at least one kid and another on the way, enjoy radio 4 and the Chelsea Flower show. You can’t enjoy gaming, lego, Disney or kids films.

But this evening I’ve been doing a sticker book while my husband has been gaming so we’re probably not winning any grown up points.

my tastes havent changed since I was 16 (I’m in my 30s now). I love video games, cartoons and sugary cereals. I also have a professional career, a home I pay for myself and pets I am responsible for. Enjoy what you enjoy, there’s absolutely no harm in it.

I recently got a promotion and my dad asked how I would celebrate, I said pizza and video games and he accused me of being 12. I felt no shame!

It’s not about an obsession with conformity - it’s just what you like is unusual for people your age. There’s nothing wrong with that, but it’s not the norm, therefore people are surprised by it. I have a friend who is deeply into Lego; he and his wife regularly go to Legoland without their kids. Again - nothing wrong with that, but it’s not what most people in their late 40s enjoy. (In the same vein, my DD has a very “adult” interest - and people are surprised by that.). I wouldn’t take it too personally.

Your examples certainly wouldn’t make me think someone needs to grow up. People who are bitchy/playground bully types I do think to myself ‘grow up’
100% this.
You aren't hurting anyone and everyone has their inner child that wants to be fulfilled.
There will absolutely be people that pretend that side of them doesn't exist (me sometimes) but it's quite normal I think.

"People" seem to like to categorise others: "kids" do this, "adults" do that, "women" like one set of things, while "men" like another set of things. It's just easier than accepting that everyone has a complex and incoherent mixture of different interests. It's pure laziness and disinterest.

'Childish' should mean that the person is acting as a child would in terms of (mis)managing their emotions and life's essential tasks etc.

If you're having full on meltdowns everytime you lost on Mario Kart, that would be childish. Playing Mario Kart is not childish.

Take absolutely no notice!!
So many people thrive on misery, you sound great
If more people just tried to have fun this world would be a happier place

DH suggests this quote from CS Lewis: When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up.

@CavalierApproach sent you a gift. Love both your usernames.
@ChiChaNaYubi

I have to confess I do sit around the wireless knitting, a lot. Also, podcasts. But I LOVE a board game. I've only discovered the joy of board games in the last 2-3 years and wish I'd been introduced to them earlier. I too might have been a bit 'hmmmm', around people who have game's nights. Now I yearn for a full blown gaming table. People who judge just don't know what they are missing out on.

Gah! Posted too soon. Meant to say, OP, that you and your DH sound great.