What is it with people and the idea of being “grown up”?

[ChiChaNaYubi]

Spent another evening with family being told my husband and I are “childish” and “how old are you?” And “when are you going to grow up?”

I just find it all so strange. We are grownups. We own 2 properties, have careers, children, we pay bills, drive sensible cars etc.

Yet because we enjoy gaming, playing Pokémon go on walks, having nerf gun wars, skating etc we are just looked down on and treated like idiots. I see it on here sometimes as well with people looking down on adults who enjoy Disney or wearing dungarees for example.

What is this weird obsession with conforming to a set idea of what a grown up should look like?

Aibu to think it doesn’t matter how people spend their downtime when the daily grind is done? Do you feel like this or have people who make comments like this?

THIS. The purpose of adult colouring isn’t really to become an experimental artist, it’s been proven to help ease symptoms of anxiety and depression and to boost a persons ability to meditate. There have been numerous studies on this that evidence these benefits.

Doing adult colouring is what you do when you are afraid of making art.

What is art though?
A poster before mentioned painting. I paint sometimes. I'm terribly bad at it and use DD's paints/paint pens so the colours are garish and probably clash and the designs are quite cartoony/childish.

Open to offers btw 😂😂😂

I bet they wouldn't count as sophisticated or me learning something new or "art" or reach grown up standard. I had great fun making them though.

I'm really into doing jigsaws at the moment( it really helps to quiet down my brain). I wonder where that sits on the child- grown up scale of hobbies especially since I started doing them with DD ,she got bored and I kept going.

Eh, who cares what other people think? I’ll be honest, the Disney adult think is so not for me, so I wouldn’t have much in common with someone who was really obsessed. I build Lego, which a lot of people think is childish. Somebody who really isn’t into Lego might not get it. But so what? I’m not for everyone. Nobody is.

However, if it did really bother you it isn’t necessary to tell people you play with nerf guns and like Pokémon. People are often surprised to find out I build Lego as a hobby because it doesn’t actually come up very often.

It absolutely works. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi wrote a book called “flow” which was a study on happiness and it was found that when you are deeply absorbed in a task that you enjoy which involves focus, like colouring, painting, jigsaws or whatever it is, you enter a state of flow where you are so absorbed in your task that time flies by and he defined this state as true “happiness” as people reported massive positive changes in mood when in a state of “flow”!

I think this is a thing, like what I meant about Disney adults 😂 there’s a difference between somebody who likes watching Disney movies and someone who says they are ‘going to see Minnie mouse’ in Florida and wears dress up outfits etc. I find the second sort a bit dull and not for me.

YANBU. I died my hair a bright colour a couple of years ago and had similar comments about looking like a teenager and hadn't I grown out of that by now.

Honestly I was baffled why adults aren't allowed to have bright hair and it's the sole domain of young people. Clearly that message passed me by. I only stopped because of lockdown and I couldn't maintain it looking as good as I wanted it to.

I agree with this.

The examples you gave don't come across as "childish" to me. Just things you and your oh enjoy doing. Carry on I say!

I craft in my spare time. And get the oh you are too young to do xyz. I do them because I enjoy them.

Thighlengthboots
I think I'll look for that book to read because I've tried adult colouring books so many times, but usually find I get bored and my mind wanders. I'd love to be able to sit for an hour and find flow.

I can happily sit at the piano for an hour but envy people who colour, draw, do jigsaws with focus.

I agree. The worst is that the only way they allow themselves the luxury to live how they want or to be "childish" is by getting drunk. I find it weird when people can't "let loose and be free" unless they drink the swlves to stupor. But you're the 'problem and the boring one'. Err...okay.

Sounds like piano is your “flow” activity! It doesn’t have to be colouring, just something you can focus on and find yourself getting totally absorbed in to the point you lose track of time. Then you’re in flow state.

Do what you want as long as it doesn't harm anyone. We love lego and have various other hobbies. We spent weekend gaming. My nearly 70 year old mother loves complaining. Life is too short not to be happy.

Sounds like piano is your “flow” activity!It doesn’t have to be colouring, just something you can focus on and find yourself getting totally absorbed in to the point you lose track of time. Then you’re in flow state
Maybe you're right. I think I admire people who colour, draw, do jigsaws or crotchet because at the end of their time they have something to show for it.

That should be my mother loves cos play and we chat about anime.

For me, adult colouring isn’t about learning any new skills. I have a really stressful job and it unwinds me. It’s something I can focus on that is enjoyable and takes my mind off work or any other worries I might have. TV and sometimes books, don’t distract me enough and my mind sometimes wanders. Adult colouring or other things like jigsaws, are distraction enough that my mind can switch off. That shouldn’t be too difficult for an adult to understand!

Couldn't you say the same about people whose entire personality is their career? Or whose entire world is their kids?

All quite boring to converse with.

I don't tend to talk to my close female friends about which computer game I dm playing next. As they aren't that fussed. But I do talk to work mates as my company is in the games industry. Talk about living the dream!

(To be fair, it's far more interesting to be an accountant in an industry you enjoy than say telecoms or mining, see -what colour is your parachute)

You are making art. You are certainly not "terribly bad" at it.

Couldn't you say the same about people whose entire personality is their career?Or whose entire world is their kids?

All quite boring to converse with.
Definitely boring to talk with people who only talk about one thing.

I don't think those people come across as childish though because in my experience people who are very invested in their career or largely talk about their kids don't seem to have that sense of "please notice how quirky and different I am".
There's something childish in my opinion in grown adults doing the whole. hahah, growing up is sooo boring, look at me with my Disney collection), they're so different from the other boring adults.

It's a childish outlook, just like the "I'm not like the other girls" is a childish outlook.

Most adults who have grown up have a range of interests and hobbies (which might be Pokémon or painballing or loving visiting Disney, or knitting and listening to the archers). It's not that special to have some interests, whatever the interests are. The need to create persona that's centred on apparently being so different from everyone else is childish.

That's interesting.

Yes! ^^ You can do childish things without being childish. Giving in to your inner child to do silly things is healthy and fun.

It's the insistence that what you're doing isn't childish that sounds a little stupid:

"I spend my weekends dressing up as a Disney robot, but it's not at all childish, it's cosplay."

The need to create persona that's centred on apparently being so different from everyone else is childish

I’ve never met anyone who has created an entire persona on being different. Most people, myself included, with hobbies deemed as “childish” just get on with them quietly and with no fanfare. You make it all sound almost fake and being done solely to get attention.

I do sometimes wear things other women my age might not, not always. Just the odd item, not some whole wacky outfit. When I do it’s because it makes me feel happy to wear that thing. It’s not for any kind of attention or comments.

If everyone woke up tomorrow liking all the things I like, I wouldn’t change my interests to be different from them. It would actually make me happy as then I would have people to talk to about this stuff!

I've just downloaded Pokémon go thanks to this thread 🤣. I need the exercise and it sounds like a good excuse to go for a walk.
As for your OP, I love Anime, boardgames, drawing, need gun wars, used to game a lot but very little time now. I also wear dungarees and sometimes bows in my hair and I'm nearing 40. Couldn't care less what people say. If they want to live their lives worrying about being 'grown up' enough that's their problem. Sounds miserable to me though

OP, it's great that you make time for what you love!

However, many people, myself included, have known a lot of people who make "geek culture" and "still liking kids' stuff" a big performance, which is tiresome. Heck, that was me 10 years ago and I'm still trying to un-learn a lot of it.

It could be that you're unintentionally coming across this way to other people.

Do you make a point of bringing up your interests with the main intention of getting a reaction? Do you talk about your hobbies more than you pay attention to other people's? Do you secretly think your hobbies make you more fun, enlightened, or sophisticated than other people, and might that affect the language you use to talk about them?

No not at all! They mentioned the nerf guns purely because they saw them when they came in and I happened to be playing Pokémon on the switch at the time with my daughter.