What is it with people and the idea of being “grown up”?

[ChiChaNaYubi]

Spent another evening with family being told my husband and I are “childish” and “how old are you?” And “when are you going to grow up?”

I just find it all so strange. We are grownups. We own 2 properties, have careers, children, we pay bills, drive sensible cars etc.

Yet because we enjoy gaming, playing Pokémon go on walks, having nerf gun wars, skating etc we are just looked down on and treated like idiots. I see it on here sometimes as well with people looking down on adults who enjoy Disney or wearing dungarees for example.

What is this weird obsession with conforming to a set idea of what a grown up should look like?

Aibu to think it doesn’t matter how people spend their downtime when the daily grind is done? Do you feel like this or have people who make comments like this?

I think that's part of the problem. That some people only see the "childish" side. They either completely ignore the so called grown up interests (because it's expected) or just assume they don't exist. It's reducing people to just one facet of their life/personality AND adding a negative judgement to it.

I don't think you understand what I'm saying, if that's aimed at me.

Something can be aimed at adults and still be childish.

According to one of my friend I'm "very in touch with my inner child" because I do hand monsters, draw pictures on envelopes (when I send her kid books) sing songs with my husband etc etc - I had to tell her no, that's just my normal self. I don't rely on a memory of a 10 year old to do those things. Tbh I feel sorry for people who find it all a bit odd - how joyless they must feel!

My in laws are very joyless people. It’s a shame really. I was out at Christmas with my MIL and I had picked up a few weird and quirky baubles for the tree, (we only have strange Xmas decs!) and she admired them and said “I’ve not really lived the sort of life where I could buy things like this.” It made me really sad. I think she would like to have more fun but FIl is such an old grump she kind of just goes along with it.

Oh no, you haven't lost your sense of taking fun in the places you can amongst the dreadful drudgery of daily life?! SHAME ON YOU, YOU'RE CHILDISH!

Sarcasm aside, keep doing you. Have all the fun you can, it baffles me why people think grown up life should be super boring with no playful fun in it anywhere.

Yes, I think that is worth trying. Is that an app?

We go rock hunting too.

Rock hunting of course it's childish. Going for a leisurely country/forest walk however is the height of adultness. Because reasons.

This is sad but does remind me of my childhood. My parents didn't believe in having fun. For them childhood should be filled with 'improving' activities. I can remember spending a lot of my childhood avoiding my parents! They weren't bad people just felt that if I wasn't doing something they approved of then I should be doing chores of some sort. So I perfected the art of being somewhere else.

DH's parents were different. They did believe in having fun. DH's childhood memories are filled with laughter.

It's not an age thing. They were similar ages. Grew up before, during and after WW2.

I don't have any issue with adults liking most stereotypically childish things (although i make an exception for adult My Little Pony fans) - I wouldn't think an adult who liked gaming or watching Disney films was strange. But I do think the forced 'here's to never growing up!!! 🤪 here are my 99 stuffed animals 🤪 sorry we don't all want to KNIT and LISTEN TO THE ARCHERS 🤪 yeah i wear converse with my dresses...you could say I'm a bit weird 🤪' vibe that some not-grown-up-adults (or however they want to describe themselves!) have is very tiresome. It's just 'I'm a bit mad, me!' for people who wear Marvel t-shirts.

I’ve not really lived the sort of life where I could buy things like this.” It made me really sad. I think she would like to have more fun but FIl is such an old grump she kind of just goes along with it

This makes me so sad. Its only a simple sentence but it speaks volumes. Life is so short- we should enjoy it whilst we can. I doubt anyone on their death bed ever said "my one regret is not being more sensible and doing less things that brought me joy"

When I was with my abusive ex I wasn’t allowed any hobbies, even me turning the pages of a book would annoy him 🙁any days off I had were spent sitting watching mindless tv with him or cleaning, the only thing I was allowed to do!

I left him a few years ago and now my days off are filled with “childish” fun! I love adult lego, though it gets a bit pricey. I recently got into diamond painting, love adult colouring etc. I’m currently in a “guild war” in an iPad game I play. I collect hello kitty and rilakkuma stuff. I love my life 😀if I were to have a relationship in future it would have to be with someone who also likes “childish” things. I never want to go back to the life I had before where I never had any fun.

I'm a 54 year old lifestyle Goth - I grew into it when I met my late DP at 42 and he absolutely encouraged me to do whatever brought me joy after 14 years of a controlling marriage.

He loved Lego, comics

• sorry, graphic novels 🤣 singing, performing, dressing up and in our 11 years together we had so much ridiculous fun.

We also started a business together which I'm still running, cared for elderly relatives, mentored disaffected teens and young adults including my own DC, and mostly kept it together.....

He had his own niche career which he was successful at.

It was in fact his glorious "childishness" that brought people together and to him. 500 people attended his funeral and another 1500 worldwide attended virtually.

OP life is too damn short not to do the things that bring you joy.

I'm still trying to sort out the wreckage left by his untimely demise about 15 months ago, but I'm damned if I will let go of the joy he brought into my life and our community.

So every day I dress as a witch, I open up our Gothic emporium and stick two fingers up to being "a grown up".

Be true to yourself and sod the naysayers and sneerers.

The saddest thing I encounter when out and about are other women of my age wistfully commenting that they wish they could dress like me, or be more adventurous but they're "not allowed". I lived like that and understand where it comes from, but I wish so much they could find a way to liberate themselves from that feeling.

I collect hello kitty and rilakkuma stuff

OMG. I LOVE hello kitty! I was obsessed with it as a kid and still love it now- so kitsch and lovely

@Mutabiliss - yes, agree. I think most people will have some Fine and Improving Adult Interests like opera or fine art, and some more frivolous interests. Like, I'm a published poet and also like dungeons and dragons. Both are very good for my brain in different ways. And I also like gardening which I actually think of as the most brain dead of all my hobbies as it's basically just grubbing around in the mud with my hands.

One of the smartest things I ever heard was from a really brilliant artist I knew who was experimenting with a new art form. I made some comment about this new project - something like 'you're so versatile - I'm so jealous you've got this massive range of talents' and he immediately said 'oh, I don't. I'm really bad at this new art form. But I think it's important to not be afraid of being bad at things'. He felt that one of the massive problems with adults is that they stopped experimenting with new things, or playing around with the basic levels of new activities and generally just taking joy in learning new things. They just did the things they were already good at and could claim some kind of accomplishment in, even if that meant they stagnated terribly.

Avoiding activities which improve your motor skills or your eye for colour or whatever because you're meant to be good at that already definitely seems to come into that category for me.

Im 37 and have a Nintendo switch and play Animal crossing New Horozons, I also collect care bears and horror memorabilia and squishmallows. I also get told I should dress like a grown up 🙄 it's taken me a long time to accept myself for who I am and the things I like,all because people think they can dictate how I should live my life.

@Thighlengthboots

one of my bucket list items was to go to hello kitty world in Japan. I managed to do it and I am very proud of my framed photo of me meeting hello kitty 😁
Interesting enough, yes the place was full of kids, but also full of plenty of child free adults having fun. The Japanese are completely unashamed of displaying their inner child and I love that about Japan.

I love Hello Kitty too, but not as much as I love Miffy 😍

Somebody here once posted a photo of the zebra crossing in Utrecht where the little red and green men are Miffy rabbits, and I have made it my life's ambition to go there 😀

I’ve added a lot of PoGo players from this thread! For anyone I’ve missed: My Trainer Code is 1703 9328 7688!

In my experience neurotypical adults who like these childish things have often had a deprived or traumatic upbringing where they didn't get to enjoy such things as kids. I tend to feel a bit sad for them. If it makes you happy, crack on! At least you and DH both like the same things 😀

What's your experience based on because that's quite the reach...

I completely disagree. 180 degrees.

Adult colouring books are the opposite of artistic experimentation. Colouring between the lines is a skill that children may need to practice but, unless you have a disability, by the time you're a grown-up, you don't to improve your fine motor skills any more. Doing adult colouring is what you do when you are afraid of making art. It's an avoidance activity. You're learning nothing new.

Doing adult colouring is what you do when you are afraid of making art. It's an avoidance activity. You're learning nothing new.**

For many it's not trying to learn something new, it's therapeutic.

I agree with you, however I have to admit I find Disney adults bizarre. Not because they like Disney but because they’re obsessive and make it their entire personality.
I agree with this.

Taking one interest and building an entire personality around it seems childish to me and it has echoes of school children tying to prove they're different.

Doing Pokémon Go: not childish
Bringing most conversations back in some way to how you're so obsessed with Pokémon: quite childish

Enjoying Disney: not childish
Finding a way to shoehorn Disney into every conversation with a hint of "oh isn't it hilarious that im a Disney princess lover": childish

I feel the same about some people who make wild dressing or being unique their whole personality.

Have an interesting dress sense that suits your tastes: not childish
Spend a lot of time pushing the "I'm so wacky me, can you believe people have said that neon unicorn dungarees, a bright green zoo print t shirt, metallic boots and bright hair might clash??? (Faux naive head tilt to fish for compliments)" : Childish

The non-childish people in those examples have their interests, hobbies and dress sense whilst being interesting and fun people to spend time with.

The childish people in those examples are quite boring and draining to be around.

To me being grown up is having independence, responsibilities, holding down a job, paying bills and that sort of stuff.

There is nothing that says you can’t have fun as well. I’m currently planning a girls trip to Greece where I intend to dance and drink till my hearts content. I love binge watching shows like family guy and American Dad. I get excited about my birthday and Christmas, I dress like I’m 10 years younger and I bloody love WWE! I couldn’t be bothered to go to the shop today so I ate a left over Easter egg for lunch. I also have a professional job, a mortgage and kids. Surely one of the best things about being a grown up is not having someone tell you you’re not allowed to do these things?

In my opinion it’s the ones on here who can’t even open their own front door that need to grow up!