What is it with people and the idea of being “grown up”?

[ChiChaNaYubi]

Spent another evening with family being told my husband and I are “childish” and “how old are you?” And “when are you going to grow up?”

I just find it all so strange. We are grownups. We own 2 properties, have careers, children, we pay bills, drive sensible cars etc.

Yet because we enjoy gaming, playing Pokémon go on walks, having nerf gun wars, skating etc we are just looked down on and treated like idiots. I see it on here sometimes as well with people looking down on adults who enjoy Disney or wearing dungarees for example.

What is this weird obsession with conforming to a set idea of what a grown up should look like?

Aibu to think it doesn’t matter how people spend their downtime when the daily grind is done? Do you feel like this or have people who make comments like this?

Fine. And I'm the same - radio 4 on all day here.

But would you insult your own child if they had different interests? Because what's OP is asking. And I think that's not only rude but cruel.

I don't say "grow up" to mean not doing things like that-although too much of it would be tedious. I use it to mean " stop making faces at food you don't recognise." "stop sulking" "stop giving people the silent treatment" "stop being a princess/man child" "stop pretending you are incapable of cooking/looking after your own children (this one only seems to apply to men!) "stop thinking you can't go to the cinema/restaurant/whatever on your own" The list goes on!

As a population, we seem to be more infantalised than previous generations. My grandfather left school and went to work at age 14, and then went to war.

I have clothes and things around the house with Disney characters. I watch animation. I like Harry Potter. I do catch myself on sometimes.

I agree with this. If someone is managing adult things like a property, relationship, work etc then they are being an "adult" and they can do whatever they damn well like in their free time. Its ridiculous to imply we all have to enjoy the same things- everyone is different.

The people I think should grow up has nothing to do with their hobbies, but more their attitude eg. constant drama, bitching, attention seeking, constant whining but never making any effort to change their situation, petty squabbles, stupid game playing/manipulation, expecting everyone to cater to them all the time etc- to me, that is about being immature, it has nothing whatsoever to do with what you enjoy doing in your free time.

I'm 55, I don't want to age in the way I'm seeing people who have fixed ideas and attitudes to how we should spend our time, are. It's why older people who do childcare and are fully involved with children age better. Me and my adult DD have Bob's burgers in the background as we chat. We play overcooked, when we spend time together. I game (and lose to) my GC. I have Hay Day and a cooking game on my phone. I've recently added in word games because the research shows that digital games do the same for our brain health as crosswords on paper do. Pokémon go is great for families/people who don't have money for hobbies, but want to get outside.

same here, love gaming, collect toys, my house is super bright with loads of cool stuff! i have no interest in having a beige house and going for brunch and don't care what anyone else thinks about it because we are living our best life!

I enjoy a mix of stuff, like most people I assume. Data shows Pokémon Go is mainly played by adults, it's not really a child's game although of course children play it - and those children are often the children of adults who play it too. My code is 2486 4716 1373 and I have my ticket for London GoFest 😁

I also enjoy or an interested in gardening (so I guess I'm a granny?), politics, literature, museums and art galleries, cosmetics, weather, history... all sorts. Am I a child, middle aged, or a granny? (I'm 41.)

I think it's wonderful that you haven't lost your sense of fun and playfulness, and the family members who criticise probably also feel a pang of envy.

However, most people's tastes do change and develop over time. You played with building blocks once, and sorted them into colours, but grew out of it once it got boring. I guess, for lots of people, that also happens with Pokémon Go, so it is unusual to see someone of your age enjoying it.

I say - do what you enjoy. Lots of my friends seem to enjoy gardening, sewing and baking - completely age appropriate - but dull to me.

You could try geo caching too, we started it when DD was 4, we called it treasure hunting and she used to get so excited when she could pick things out of the container. She still prefers ones with swaps but will (mostly) still happily go for walks looking for them.

Well, @ChiChaNaYubi thanks for this thread. Now I have several new PoGo friends which is a lovely way to start my birthday 🥳.

So as not to derail thread further, Pokémon trainers, join us on this thread: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/video_games_chat/4241616-My-Miltank-Brings-All-The-Boys-To-The-Yard-PokemonGo-Thread-31?page=36&reply=125787611

There’s nothing wrong with having whatever hobbies you want. But in terms of answering your question about why there is a set idea of what ‘grown up’ looks like, I imagine it based in the idea that as you get older, you naturally want to expand your horizons with other types of interests that teach you more about the world, and yourself, and those will most look quite ‘grown up’, whether it’s Radio 4, or joining a book club, or a political party, or going to the theatre often.
I definitely think there’s a place for holding on to that wish for fun and playfulness but balanced with continuing to deepen understanding of life I guess.

I’m 30, have a mortgage, married, job and children. DH and I spend our free time (ie when/if little one naps) gaming on Xbox or PlayStation. A lot of our generation grew up gaming so not sure why we would stop when we hit our 30s. I also love Disney and marvel. Not sure how it affects anyone else 😅

YANBU! Adults who act immaturely (in how they interact and relate to others) are hugely annoying but there’s a big difference between immaturity and playfulness. You definitely sound like the latter!

I think there’s more something around people disliking people who have hobbies or interests which aren’t in the very narrow margins of acceptability. My husband as a very niche hobby which I would say would be perceived as very serious/grown up. It’s not metal detecting but think something aligned to academia but not in any way paid. People think it’s a weird hobby. You do what you enjoy, we only ever get one life! (He’s also very into Pokémon)

I'm 45 my dad still says to me 'mind that knife' when I'm chopping something 😆

Who gives a shiny shit what others think? Are you navigating the boring bits of life just fine? Then crack on!

All the interesting people in my life have a "childish" side - some game, some are into adventure sports, some play with toys, some build stuff just because they can, some role play.

None of the above infantilises them; they are geeks, specialised in their areas of expertise, and, more importantly, they have fun and smile. Why does being an adult mean we don't get to enjoy what life has to offer anymore?

My grandparents grew old the day they retired, because the TV and the occasional walk was their only go-to entertainment. My best friend is mid-60s and so much more full of life because she embraces new, "childish" hobbies all the time. She games and joins astronomy societies and shoots things for fun.

The people I think should grow up has nothing to do with their hobbies, but more their attitude eg. constant drama, bitching, attention seeking, constant whining but never making any effort to change their situation, petty squabbles, stupid game playing/manipulation, expecting everyone to cater to them all the time etc- to me, that is about being immature, it has nothing whatsoever to do with what you enjoy doing in your free time.
Agree with you.
I can think of two people I know and both like Disney.
Person 1 likes Disney and they enjoy going to Florida every couple of years with their partner (no children). They're not childish at all and they are fun to be around.
Person 2 likes Disney but spends a lot of time blabbering on about how much they loves Disney princess, look at my flask that's Disney, did I mention I just bought this Disney t shirt. I find it a little childish because it feels like they're very invested in creating a lot of attention around being the one who loves Disney.

It's not liking Disney that's childish. It's the attitude and behaviour.

I think it's lovely that you are comfortable enough to do whatever you enjoy.

I think people look down on it as it's associated with lower intelligence because those things are designed to stimulate the brains of those who haven't matured and got higher level thinking yet so people correlate adults enjoying it with not maturing beyond the level those things are targeted towards.

They are jealous you have fun ! Simple as that.

No way you sound cool. Husband is playing the new dead island game and I'm playing trickster online when our son is sleeping.

It’s usually the miserable type who have nothing going on in their lives that spout that nonsense. Don’t ever grow up as you will become one of them.

But that wasn't exactly a life choice was it. Who knows what he would have been doing given the chance.

OP I am a huge game lover, and Pokemon addict. Me and my teen DS do it together, it encourages us outside and on long walks together.

Years ago my DB announced that he had grown out of pop music and liking classical music was more refined and showed a more mature musical taste.

Mind, he was born a pompous 53 year old and the only album I know him to have bought was The Nolan Sisters!

I find it interesting when people confuse 'fun' and 'childish' - they are not synonyms.

Op, keeping on having fun.

I agree with you, however I have to admit I find Disney adults bizarre. Not because they like Disney but because they’re obsessive and make it their entire personality.