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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you have a problem with the burkini?

817 replies

Mvslimah · 07/05/2023 20:28

Honest answers please

would you give a woman (maybe Muslim maybe Jewish) a wide berth if you saw them wearing a burkini or modest (Ie fully covered) swimsuit at a pool?

if you see a woman wearing one do you give it a second thought or is it just a meh, who cares?

tia

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 07/05/2023 20:58

ExtraOnions · 07/05/2023 20:54

I wear a cossie with long arms, that goes to my knees - as I have bingo wings & fat thighs.

My issue is (and always will be, with all clothing), one of choice. Women should be able to choose what they want to wear, without a patriarchy telling them they need to “cover over” and “be modest” for fear of arousing men (as, of course, it’s a woman fault if a man can’t control themselves).

I think the flip side is, that it’s just as much the patriarchy in some cases telling women “you have to wear a skimpy bikini - oh and make sure you’re thin whilst doing it or you’ll be judged for that too”

I wish women could just be free to wear what they choose.

Somebodiesmother · 07/05/2023 20:59

girlfriend44 · 07/05/2023 20:32

I think what a shame, that they are bowing down to what a man says, when a man can do what they want.
They are agreeing to be treated like a second class citizen, men and women are equal.

I'm glad it's not me. It's time they came out of the dark ages.

I wear board shorts and a rash vest when swimming. Am I bowing down to men?

hattie43 · 07/05/2023 20:59

I'd notice because I don't work / live in a multicultural area . Would it bother me no would I engage with her no .

Hungrygoatsatwork · 07/05/2023 20:59

Sorry you’ve had they experience. I am a bit shocked really. I am not religious but always am full coverage in the pool (rash vest and swim leggings) I’m just more comfortable that way. Mind you I normally swim in London. I will be trying it out in a less cosmopolitan area tomorrow. I will have to see if this makes a difference?? Really hope it doesn’t or I won’t be holding back.

Temporaryname158 · 07/05/2023 20:59

I wouldn’t think anything of it really. A youngish lady wears one of the more fitted styles at my gym. I always think good on her getting out there and exercising (she is the only muslin female I see there who covers her hair/wears a hijab) rather than not doing it!

Some off the looser styles do look like they would be annoying when wet and swooshing around, but I realise that is not the point!!

go back to the pool, be a role model to your daughter and be proud of keeping your faith and spending time with your family.

CaptainMyCaptain · 07/05/2023 20:59

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 07/05/2023 20:55

I’m so sorry to hear that OP. Those people must have nothing better to do with their lives.

What really annoys me is people who think they’re being feminist or “pro women” in some way by taking this stand. Do they think that this will make women some how shake of the “oppression” of wearing what is essentially a bigger swimming costume, and conform to what they think is the norm? Actually what it’s going to do is prevent some women from taking part in healthy activities like swimming.

Show quote history

Exactly! As if it's OK for them to tell women what to wear and assume the woman is not able to make their own decisions. Extremely patronising.

NeatCompactSleeper · 07/05/2023 21:00

Paq · 07/05/2023 20:50

I have a huge problem with women wearing those "cheeky cut" swimsuits with their arses on show. No problem with a burkini

Why do you have a huge problem with that?

itsgettingweird · 07/05/2023 21:01

Fwiw I have swim jammers, swim leggings, cropped bikini tops and long and short sleeved surf t shirts from decathlon.

I'll be wearing it all again in various combos when we go to CP this summer.

Much better than having my skin flashing about on rapids and slides, getting my arse scraped to shreds and freezing whilst ds wants to do nighttime swimming and rapids every evening!!!

I don't care what people think or if they judge. I'll have a protected backside and I'll be warm Grin

Albatross674 · 07/05/2023 21:02

I’m no religion and I’ve worn modest swimwear (body conscious)
i wouldn’t think anything.

Lifeomars · 07/05/2023 21:03

beyond me to see why anyone would give it a second thought, I'm too busy fretting about my fat legs and thread veins to even fully clock what others are wearing

Justalittlebitduckling · 07/05/2023 21:03

I would think good on them for participating in sport/fitness.

GeneHuntsCowboyBoots · 07/05/2023 21:04

I think they’re great too. If it means more women are comfortably able to go swimming etc than they might otherwise be then they’re fab!

I’ve come across a few people wearing them on the odd occasion I’ve been swimming and it wouldn’t occur to me to think anything different from any other form of swimwear.

WashAsDelicates · 07/05/2023 21:04

I wear one because I have PLE, not because I am religiously modest. I don't usually wear the hood, but I always wear a wide-brimmed hat.

I have had no issues wearing it. People do look, but nobody has said anything to me, and I have not noticed any meant-to-be-overheard comments. Admittedly I have only worn the full outfit on beaches, but the leggings are so comfortable that I wear them at the pool as well.

I certainly would not judge anyone for wearing modest clothing. I'd probably clock whether you were wearing it for religious or secular reasons, but I really would not care. It does not harm anyone and it enables you to enjoy the pool/beach/sea. End of story, as far as I am concerned.

Sorry that some people are prats about it.

Albatross674 · 07/05/2023 21:05

fortheloveofflowers · 07/05/2023 20:45

I think they are great, I’d wear one but would be worried I’d be called out for not being Muslim.

Don’t let ignorant pricks put you off.

Nobody would know your religion or lack of. I’ve worn a modest swimwear type leggings and sleeved to the pool. Nobody looked twice (or if they’d did, I did t notice!)

Original poster
Mvslimah · 07/05/2023 21:06

I wonder if they saw me and then my daughter 5 but small wearing a sunsafe suit and assumed I’m covering her to avoid arousing men too?

when actually my son was wearing one too because it’s all we have that fits them left over from our hols (decathlons finest)

OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 07/05/2023 21:06

Some awful racist comments on here! The assumption that certain groups of women have no agency and are subjugated to their husbands is so narrow minded.
I wonder how many women who are not Muslim / Jewish are controlled by their partner - told what to wear, where to go, who to speak to? Personally, I wouldn’t bat an eyelid, but am frequently amused by the sight of women in the skimpiest of swimwear. Let’s just wear what we want, because we feel comfortable!

onthefence23 · 07/05/2023 21:07

I live in a great area with a real mix of people so see them fairly regularly I wonder if you're in an area where they're less common, absolutely no excuse for people to be dicks though.

I've never given it a second though until one couple I've seen more recently, the vibe between them is v uncomfortable and her 'd'h is constantly on at her. I feel sad for her and wonder if she's had a choice in her clothing or much else. I hope for us to chat as I escaped a similar relationship many years ago.

The other ladies I've seen wearing them all seem perfectly happy and we've chatted when our kids played together in the kiddy section

FeeFiFoFumble · 07/05/2023 21:07

I would notice but not care. I'd probably wonder to myself if it's comfortable or if it gets really hot under there and then I'd go back to trying to keep my kids from killing one another

JMSA · 07/05/2023 21:07

I would be jealous that I'm not wearing one to hide my wobbly bits Grin
Definitely wouldn't form a negative opinion over it!

Albatross674 · 07/05/2023 21:07

girlfriend44 · 07/05/2023 20:32

I think what a shame, that they are bowing down to what a man says, when a man can do what they want.
They are agreeing to be treated like a second class citizen, men and women are equal.

I'm glad it's not me. It's time they came out of the dark ages.

Maybe it is their choice or what they feel c9mfortable in. I’m not comfortable wearing a leg exposing swimsuit, so I don’t.
men and women can’t generally wear the same swimwear so not exactly equal anyway.

NectarCard · 07/05/2023 21:08

Don’t care, people can wear what they feel comfortable in

littleripper · 07/05/2023 21:09

Anyone who has a problem with a perfectly reasonable swimsuit is a bigot. I have a burkini, not because I dress modestly but because I have holidayed in Muslim countries a few times and found it more comfortable/appropriate.

Quveas · 07/05/2023 21:09

girlfriend44 · 07/05/2023 20:32

I think what a shame, that they are bowing down to what a man says, when a man can do what they want.
They are agreeing to be treated like a second class citizen, men and women are equal.

I'm glad it's not me. It's time they came out of the dark ages.

How do you know that it isn't their choice? That's your assumption. I have a great many Muslim friends who wear a variety of clothes, and none of the women wear what they are told to. In fact I don't know anyone who would dare try to tell them what to wear. They aren't "all the same" you know, and there's plenty of white British women told how to dress or act by men.

I think it's about time you came out of the dark ages and recognised the contribution that Islam has made to the world (for example, they had universities educating both men and women when we lived in mud huts). It has its issues. So does British culture. Nothing is perfect. But ignorant comments like this are what should belong in the dark ages.

UpToMyElbowsInDiapers · 07/05/2023 21:10

I’m neither Jewish, nor Muslim, but I wear “modest” swim suits (albeit not with a head covering). I love them. I bought my first when I was 22 years old, going on a corporate retreat to an all-inclusive resort. I was trying to establish myself professionally, and the thought of older, primarily male colleagues seeing me in a bikini (which, when you think about it, is really nothing more than underpants and a bra) was absolutely mortifying.

Now that I’m older, and have 3 kids, I love that I don’t need to worry about people staring at my stretch marks or the remaining bulge around my midriff.

For me, modest swimwear = freedom from self-doubt.

NeatCompactSleeper · 07/05/2023 21:10

Mvslimah · 07/05/2023 21:06

I wonder if they saw me and then my daughter 5 but small wearing a sunsafe suit and assumed I’m covering her to avoid arousing men too?

when actually my son was wearing one too because it’s all we have that fits them left over from our hols (decathlons finest)

Men who get aroused by children don't always care whether they're male or female though, so I wouldn't overthink that.