Page 6 | To think she is bang out of order?!

Runningonjammiedodgers · 2023-05-07T18:06:57+00:00

ExH and I have 2DCs. ExH has had a gf of 3 months. He is now away for work until the summer. The DCs have met the gf a handful of times. Gf phoned DC1 (aged 12) to invite both DCs out for a day trip with her. I have never met this woman, the children are on my time and neither myself of ExH had any idea she was intending to invite them out for the day. She didn't run it past either of us. AIBU for thinking that was a completely inappropriate thing to do and that she is majorly overstepping boundaries?

mustgetoffmn · 13/05/2023 11:50

sassyclassyandsmartassy · 13/05/2023 10:59

@mustgetoffmn completely missed my point….

My point was that even having been a step parent for nearly 10 years I wouldn’t text SS directly to make arrangements… therefore, texting her boyfriends child after only 3 and trying to arrange things on OPs time is stepping way over a line and by behaving like this she contributes to a rhetoric. Bio dad certainly hasn’t helped in this situation by introducing her that quick, but she has some boundary issues reading the update as he didn’t even know about it! I think the OP handled it very reasonably.

I perfectly understood your point but as many others are generally pointing out a girlfriend of 3 months is NOT a step parent. So your point is about your experience of being a SS but the whole post is not really anything to do with step parenting. A large part of the concern is to do with how recently this woman met the child. You haven’t understood my point.

joycies · 14/05/2023 19:23

URNBU BUT life will be much simpler if you don't make an issue of it. Gf could be a total ignoramos or simply has never been in this sort of situation before. Sounds, as you say, that she is hoping to be the 'good' guy in all this. Ex just needs to show her the ropes, totally his territory. Whatever happens, please don't let DCs even get a whiff of all this

kids have incredible powers of sensing atmospheres.

Original poster

Runningonjammiedodgers · 14/05/2023 20:19

mustgetoffmn · 13/05/2023 11:39

OP this paints a completely different picture to the one I had in my head. Same result, as almost everyone agrees. But had an image of a very young childless woman . That DH lives on his own and has only seen her a few times. What do you mean by “when he’s at home”? Does he work away somewhere? It’s not my business but I feel critical towards him that he hasn’t preserved proper space for himself and his children exclusively. Why hasn’t he? 3 months? She sounds awful, I’m sorry I guess it’s hard for you to influence the situation. She sounds as though she doesn’t mind going adversarial with you instead of trying to make sure of a polite relationship even. I hope it settles down and that she apologises to you. But let’s face it the person responsible here is your ex. He needs to draw boundaries in the absence of her apparent ability to do so. Unfortunately some rules will probably need to be put in place.

Show quote history

Oh my ex is def responsible for alot of this shit show. I was pretty upset when the kids met her so soon and they were pretty upset when their time with dad would also involve her. They did speak to him and asked to see less of her and I spoke to him to give my opinion that the kids would benefit from spending their time with their dad with just him. He did dial it down a bit but yes I do agree that this is not an ideal situation and he has made some errors in introducing someone so soon..

OP posts:

Original poster

Runningonjammiedodgers · 14/05/2023 20:21

joycies · 14/05/2023 19:23

URNBU BUT life will be much simpler if you don't make an issue of it. Gf could be a total ignoramos or simply has never been in this sort of situation before. Sounds, as you say, that she is hoping to be the 'good' guy in all this. Ex just needs to show her the ropes, totally his territory. Whatever happens, please don't let DCs even get a whiff of all this

kids have incredible powers of sensing atmospheres.

That's part of the reason I was so upset that she contacted the kids directly. It puts them in the middle of it all.

OP posts:

Stewball01 · 15/05/2023 00:22

Bloody cheek. Such a wrong thing to do and at 40 she should know better. I liked the mature reply.

joycies · 15/05/2023 13:00

You were right to be upset. I only meant try not to let the kids see it's so upsetting you.

Original poster

Runningonjammiedodgers · 20/06/2023 22:09

A little update for anyone who is interested. ExH is still away but messaged to say gf wanted to meet with me to patch things over. Met her yesterday and she started up by telling me that 'girl to girl' she wanted to know what ExH was like. I told her I wasn't here to discuss him, just to put a face to a name and make things more comfortable for the kids. She asked me four times to tell her what he was really like, citing her ExH and how he was a narcissist (isn't everyone now days?!), how she would tell her ex gf what they were like, why wouldn't I discuss this with her etc. I repeated over and over that I wasn't prepared to criticize my childrens father to her, that my divorce was none of her business, how I was not prepared to talk about him behind his back.

Honestly, mad as a box of frogs. She ended up telling me that I was different form her and my ExH as I wasn't very friendly. I was just there to talk about my children and how things can be easier for them.

Let hope he sees the light.

OP posts:

TwoPairsOfPantsAndAMohairVest · 20/06/2023 23:04

Bloody hell. Do you think she wanted you to bad mouth him to feed back to him and the kids, or was concerned about any behaviours he's showing towards her?

I think you handled that brilliantly

T1Dmama · 20/06/2023 23:28

I’d have to tell him that the meet up was a waste of time and all she wanted to do was fish for gossip/dirt on him!

she sounds like the narc in all honesty

Original poster

Runningonjammiedodgers · 20/06/2023 23:35

T1Dmama · 20/06/2023 23:28

I’d have to tell him that the meet up was a waste of time and all she wanted to do was fish for gossip/dirt on him!

she sounds like the narc in all honesty

Oh it's mighty tempting! But I think I am prob best to keep well out of it. Not my circus....

OP posts:

Avondale89 · 20/06/2023 23:36

AnonymousA1 · 07/05/2023 22:03

Maybe she thinks she’s being nice.

maybe she doesn’t realise it’s much to soon.

But of course this is Mumsnet , she must be a psychotic evil woman who wants to steal your kids 🙄

Shes 40 years old with kids of her own. She’s not being nice, this is mental behaviour.

Would you be ok with a stranger calling your 12 year old out of the blue to ask them to go on a trip? What if it was a man? Would
you still be so relaxed? Is this just not weird because it’s a woman?

Avondale89 · 20/06/2023 23:37

Runningonjammiedodgers · 20/06/2023 22:09

A little update for anyone who is interested. ExH is still away but messaged to say gf wanted to meet with me to patch things over. Met her yesterday and she started up by telling me that 'girl to girl' she wanted to know what ExH was like. I told her I wasn't here to discuss him, just to put a face to a name and make things more comfortable for the kids. She asked me four times to tell her what he was really like, citing her ExH and how he was a narcissist (isn't everyone now days?!), how she would tell her ex gf what they were like, why wouldn't I discuss this with her etc. I repeated over and over that I wasn't prepared to criticize my childrens father to her, that my divorce was none of her business, how I was not prepared to talk about him behind his back.

Honestly, mad as a box of frogs. She ended up telling me that I was different form her and my ExH as I wasn't very friendly. I was just there to talk about my children and how things can be easier for them.

Let hope he sees the light.

Wow. Here’s hoping he gets rid! What a creep.

EnjoyingTheSilence · 20/06/2023 23:37

She sounds even worse than before!

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 20/06/2023 23:39

Runningonjammiedodgers · 07/05/2023 20:06

I rang her from my son's phone. And I acknowledged that is was a well intended gesture but it was inappropriate to contacted my children directly and in the future she would need to speak to my ex and he could then run it past me if they are on my time. I asked her not to contacted my children directly again and she went ' I won't!' and then hung up. Spoke to my ex a couple of hours later and that was the first he knew of it all. Think he is going to speak to her.

I think you've handed it well and your ex has responded appropriately. They are probably having an argument about it now! She sounds a bit odd. Glad that she seems keen to be nice to them though if it works out with your ex and this weirdo at least the kids will be cared about and thought about and doing fun things, rather than an evil stepmom type figure.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 20/06/2023 23:39

Toomanylatenightprogs · 07/05/2023 20:09

Is she very young? Sounds like the sort of thing a 20 year old might do.
Doesnt excuse it though, totally inappropriate and you handled it well.

I was thinking that too

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 20/06/2023 23:41

Runningonjammiedodgers · 07/05/2023 20:11

No she is 40 and has two very young kids of her own. She introduced them to my ex after a week and he pretty much stays round all the time when he is home. I don't think she has any boundaries and seems pretty hell bent on creating a blended family in the shortest time possible.

Ok that makes it so much weirder!! If she's a mum too she should know!! I take back my comment above. She is love bombing him. Eeek. Make sure you warn kids about being careful who they trust and it can take a long time to trust someone.

Ladylonglegs · 22/06/2023 13:48

You’ve handled that well. She’s been completely inappropriate on both occasions and sounds like she enjoys drama. I’d be very wary of her too.

Honeychickpea · 15/10/2023 19:47

Sounds like your keeping a sharp eye on him. For whatever reason.

Honeychickpea · 16/10/2023 12:43

The DCs have met the gf a handful of times.
So they have met her. Not quite the OMG TOTAL STRANGER scenario being squealed about.

Gardeningtime · 16/10/2023 12:53

She’d have run right back to him and told him if you’d said anything, there was no way for you to win. Saying nothing you’d have been unfriendly, saying something negative, bad mouthing him, she’d have told him, staying neutral, you’d have been lying.

very awkward position, she’s really inserting herself in your family . Creepy stuff a few weeks in.