To think she is bang out of order?!

[Runningonjammiedodgers]

ExH and I have 2DCs. ExH has had a gf of 3 months. He is now away for work until the summer. The DCs have met the gf a handful of times. Gf phoned DC1 (aged 12) to invite both DCs out for a day trip with her. I have never met this woman, the children are on my time and neither myself of ExH had any idea she was intending to invite them out for the day. She didn't run it past either of us. AIBU for thinking that was a completely inappropriate thing to do and that she is majorly overstepping boundaries?

YANBU. She’s using your kids to try and impress her new boyfriend, and that is definitely weird.

You did the right thing.

Yes, what an extremely odd thing to do 😐 she must be desperate to play step parent. The weirdo.

Three months is nothing. Your ex probably doesn’t barely know her that well either after such a short time. So it’s like allowing a stranger to take your children away for the day. I’d be furious. Hopefully she has got the message following your call again, and knows not to overstep again.

To be fair to her ex, there's nothing in the post saying how long he has known this woman or how well he knows her. She could have been in his life for years before they officially got together.

No it was a tinder thing. He has known her three and a half months.

Oaft, you did the right thing. Wtf, why would anyone do this??!!.

YANBNBU - doubly so as she's a mother herself! I feel sorry for her children.,

sorry YANBU that was meant to say

My guess is she thinks he's less likely to find someone new on his work trip if she proves to him how good she is with his kids etc in his absence.

In that case, despite what I said previously, I would doubt your exs ability to make sensible decisions regarding the kids, and would probably have been far harsher on her than you were.
Good luck op!

Seems like she's trying to ingratiate herself with him so he sees her as a more permanent fixture for when he's back.

Totally inappropriate - YANBU. Glad he is of the same opinion.

Nailed it.

Be careful with this one OP. If the relationship doesn't work out I'm getting fatal attraction vibes already. The woman has no concept of boundaries.

Nooo! Don't say that! Though I don't think you are wrong. Second time she met my children (after knowing their dad two weeks) she cooked them their tea at her house after school. Why are you pretend playing stepmom you weirdo?

Hmm, she has younger DC you say? Could be grooming them for babysitting duties!

That is undeniably strange behaviour, very overfamiliar.

Without telling either of their actual parents??

I'm a stepparent and I wouldn't dream of inviting my DSC out like this - without mentioning it to BOTH their parents first if it was on mum's time.

She isn't a step parent, she is a girlfriend of 3 months

Knowing she has small children of her own I'm thinking it was a "let's go to X place half term" so she had someone to help her with her children!!!!

But yes, too soon.

My EXP had moved in with his GF (then married later) and even then when it was his night his GF had offered to still have DS from 4pm even though he's been delayed at work until 7pm. She was so determined to make sure I was fine with this I began to think she didn't really actually want ds there and was trying to make me pull out. I actually ask her outright if this was the case?!

It wasn't but she wanted me to be happy with the boundaries. I didn't tell her until a few years later I much I referred it when she was there helping looking after ds as at least I knew he then had 1 adult looking after him

yes, she wants to get remarried and have a man paying the bills and being the daddy

I mean as soon as she rang DC I thought there was no way ExH was in on it. ExH and I always run things past each other first if we want to do something on the other parents time purposely so the kids don't get caught in the middle and neither of us end up being that bad guy. Asking them directly then ment the kids felt caught between me and her, and they were desperate for me not to ring her in case she got upset. I feel so annoyed she has shat on our pretty solid co parenting tactics. And when I called her minutes later she was already at the place she wanted to take the kids. So I wonder if the whole thing was to cause drama or if she would have driven all the way back to collect them? So odd.

I think the way she went about it was her only error. It should have been through you or your ex rather than the 12 year old.

BUT, the actual concept of taking them out on a trip out isn’t that weird. I think she’s just trying to be nice. It’s like when you contact your child’s friend’s parent and ask if the child would like to joint them on their trip to the zoo. You might not know the child that well but you invite them anyway.

The girlfriend doesn’t know the your kids that well but it doesn’t make it weird to invite them out somewhere if she’s in the process of getting to know them.

Voted YANBU based on your first post as your feelings are understandable (although I also don't think she's done anything particularly bad). But your drip feed deserves a YABU, sorry.
She only knew your ex for 2 weeks when HE got her to meet his children for the SECOND TIME?
Sounds like your ex is a "weirdo" for setting this up and given his quick actions (or "lack of boundaries" as you put it), she probably thought it was okay to invite the DC again on her own.
Also, he brought your DC round her house after school, I can imagine she was making dinner for her own DC at that time and ended up including everyone else.

Step parent? She’s been dating OP’s ex for three months!

I feel super uncomfortable with the way both gf and ExH have conducted their relationship. Involving all the children and playing families in such a short space of time. But I try to go with the whole idea of what he does on his time is not my business as long as the kids are safe. But her contacting my kids when they are on my time behind both our backs is a whole other level. And I am amazed that she felt I wasn't worth any consideration in this whole thing. She is absolutely not their parent and seems to be mistaken in thinking she is.

I think you were a bit heavy on the phone to gf, it started off well but the bit about only contact being through exH was a bit extreme. Could have just given her your number and invited her for coffee since she’s 40 with kids and not 21.