Page 3 | To think she is bang out of order?!

Runningonjammiedodgers · 2023-05-07T18:06:57+00:00

ExH and I have 2DCs. ExH has had a gf of 3 months. He is now away for work until the summer. The DCs have met the gf a handful of times. Gf phoned DC1 (aged 12) to invite both DCs out for a day trip with her. I have never met this woman, the children are on my time and neither myself of ExH had any idea she was intending to invite them out for the day. She didn't run it past either of us. AIBU for thinking that was a completely inappropriate thing to do and that she is majorly overstepping boundaries?

Sallyanne1983 · 07/05/2023 21:25

At first I thought maybe she was being naive not having kids of her own and just thinking it was the right thing to do.
but then you said she has kids and so she should know better.

willWillSmithsmith · 07/05/2023 21:25

BreviloquentBastard · 07/05/2023 20:02

Would you feel the same if this was a man phoning a 12 year old child inviting them out without consulting the child's parents? A man who has met the child only a few times? A man who has been dating the child's parent for only 3 months and is very much NOT the child's step parent?

This is creepy as fuck behaviour and the only reason people are being leniant with her on here and calling this "a nice gesture" or "a bit odd" or even outright defending her like you are is because she's got a vagina. It's completely weird and unacceptable behaviour from this relative stranger.

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There is no way I would hand my kids over to a woman I’ve never met and been dating my ex for just 3 months. It’s not a nice gesture it’s thoughtless and totally lacking in boundaries. It’s nuts to think just because she’s a woman it’s a nice gesture but if a man it would be met with suspicion.

CCIH · 07/05/2023 21:29

Yanbu. Completely inappropriate

FictionalCharacter · 07/05/2023 21:30

Hm. Sounds like she’s decided already that he’s going to be her next husband and her kids and yours are going to be a happy family.

Original poster

Runningonjammiedodgers · 07/05/2023 21:31

Fairowing · 07/05/2023 21:23

I think you were a bit heavy on the phone to gf, it started off well but the bit about only contact being through exH was a bit extreme. Could have just given her your number and invited her for coffee since she’s 40 with kids and not 21.

It's been 3 months. I don't need to have anything to do with her just yet. If she is still around at the end of the year I would make the effort. But I don't need to be her friend and I don't find her behaviour particularly endearing.

OP posts:

Katherine1985 · 07/05/2023 21:33

So inappropriate. You haven’t met her, exDH wouldn’t be at the outing. She could introduce them to any other adults, male or female, during her time with them

spottybug · 07/05/2023 21:36

Runningonjammiedodgers · 07/05/2023 21:31

It's been 3 months. I don't need to have anything to do with her just yet. If she is still around at the end of the year I would make the effort. But I don't need to be her friend and I don't find her behaviour particularly endearing.

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Let ex deal with her. Whatever you say will just be spun as you being bitter. Even though I get why it's too much.

HaveSomeIntrospect · 07/05/2023 21:48

She does sound very full on!

Guavafish1 · 07/05/2023 21:53

Overkill, nice gesture and I'm sure your son would have checked with you first before he could attend an event.

Why would she want to be mother to some elses kids? The answer would be... she's not.

I agree with others... its your exhusband that is the problem. You need to make sure he sets appropriate boundaries that you and the kids are comfortable achieving.

AnonymousA1 · 07/05/2023 22:03

Maybe she thinks she’s being nice.

maybe she doesn’t realise it’s much to soon.

But of course this is Mumsnet , she must be a psychotic evil woman who wants to steal your kids 🙄

shammalammadingdong · 07/05/2023 22:13

Blablablanamechangagain · 07/05/2023 19:37

Mumsnet really hates step parents.

She might be weird, granted.

She might also have just thought it would be a nice thing to do.

It's a simple fix, no thank you, we have other plans. Or how about, sounds great but be better to go when Dad's back so we can all go together.

Why does everything have to be so dramatic?

She's not even on the same planet as being a step parent. She's a total random.

You don't ring your new boyfriends young kids and invite them out, without asking their parents, and its not dramatic to know its beyond fucking inappropriate to do so.

Shitsandwiches · 07/05/2023 22:20

ooh I would not like this at all OP, I would be really triggered and annoyed!! YANBU at all - what a boundary cross! Taking over and asserting herself in your family situation like this. She must have an ex as well, how would she like it if his new GF just randomly called up one of her kids after only knowing them a few weeks and invited them out for the day! I think you handled it really well by speaking to her...and him.

Whyamiherenow · 08/05/2023 18:04

DH and I have been together a number of years. We have a DC. We have known each other 27 years. DSD is 10. I do look after her at times on my own. DSD has a phone but I wouldn’t dream of messaging or phoning her directly. We have a good relationship. I go to school plays as does her mum and family etc. but DSD isn’t my child, she visits to see DH and DC not to see me (not really) so boundaries are really important.

In fact whilst I have DSD mum’s contact details for emergencies. There has never been an emergency so I’ve never contacted her.

YANBU

ShinyCaptain · 08/05/2023 18:14

What boundaries?
Have you set actual boundaries?
Or are they psychic boundaries?
Why are you talking to MN and not her?

She could just be nice but clueless. You can find out by talking to her!

Cantstandbullshitanymore · 08/05/2023 18:40

Blablablanamechangagain · 07/05/2023 19:37

Mumsnet really hates step parents.

She might be weird, granted.

She might also have just thought it would be a nice thing to do.

It's a simple fix, no thank you, we have other plans. Or how about, sounds great but be better to go when Dad's back so we can all go together.

Why does everything have to be so dramatic?

It’s a stupid thing to do. Any introduction should be facilitated by the father not she just reaching out directly to the children, and 3 months is too soon.

Original poster

Runningonjammiedodgers · 08/05/2023 18:49

ShinyCaptain · 08/05/2023 18:14

What boundaries?
Have you set actual boundaries?
Or are they psychic boundaries?
Why are you talking to MN and not her?

She could just be nice but clueless. You can find out by talking to her!

I did talk to her. To tell her it was not appropriate and she would need to go through ExH and not to directly contact the children when they are on my time. I asked MN because whilst my parents and best friend agreed it was not ok, I wanted an objective opinion on it all.

OP posts:

IncompleteSenten · 08/05/2023 18:51

Met her on tinder approx 14 weeks ago? Dating for the last 12 weeks?
In what world does that make her a step parent?

The fact she has met a bloke off tinder and brought him round her kids ridiculously quickly further shows she's got no idea what's appropriate.

Original poster

Runningonjammiedodgers · 08/05/2023 18:57

IncompleteSenten · 08/05/2023 18:51

Met her on tinder approx 14 weeks ago? Dating for the last 12 weeks?
In what world does that make her a step parent?

The fact she has met a bloke off tinder and brought him round her kids ridiculously quickly further shows she's got no idea what's appropriate.

It's insane. She has two young girls (not school age) and yet ExH was sleeping at her house within weeks. I know exh is not some kind of weirdo but she barley knows him at all. If I was her ex I would be less than impressed.

OP posts:

LumpySpaceGoddess · 08/05/2023 19:08

Fairowing · 07/05/2023 21:23

I think you were a bit heavy on the phone to gf, it started off well but the bit about only contact being through exH was a bit extreme. Could have just given her your number and invited her for coffee since she’s 40 with kids and not 21.

I would have been much less polite than OP was. She doesn’t even know the children, would you be comfortable with a complete stranger asking your children to go out with them for a day!?

She shouldn’t even have their phone numbers, she is a very new girlfriend and doesn’t seem to have any concept of boundaries whatsoever, it’s bizarre!

SuperSange · 08/05/2023 19:23

Well your ex can absolve himself of some responsibility and blame her, but who gave her the kids phone numbers? Was it him, or did she take them? I think he might be trying to divert blame. Is that likely?

Nothingisblackandwhite · 08/05/2023 19:31

why do you find it weird ? Because they only been together 3 months , or something else ?
just trying to understand why this is so weird , seems to em she is making a effort and Thatcherism very nice . I would easily call my stepsons tootsie them out for the day and their mum wouldn’t think this was weird

Original poster

Runningonjammiedodgers · 08/05/2023 19:37

Nothingisblackandwhite · 08/05/2023 19:31

why do you find it weird ? Because they only been together 3 months , or something else ?
just trying to understand why this is so weird , seems to em she is making a effort and Thatcherism very nice . I would easily call my stepsons tootsie them out for the day and their mum wouldn’t think this was weird

I find it wired because she is not their step mum, she is a very new girlfriend. She didn't consult either of their parents but instead tried to directly make plans with the children. It was my weekend with them, she has no right to insert herself into my time with the children. In my opinion it is incredibly inappropriate to contact two children you have met a handful of times and ask them out for the day (she was getting ready to jump in the car to collect them) without telling their parents.

OP posts:

CabbagePatchDole · 08/05/2023 19:40

Blablablanamechangagain · 07/05/2023 19:37

Mumsnet really hates step parents.

She might be weird, granted.

She might also have just thought it would be a nice thing to do.

It's a simple fix, no thank you, we have other plans. Or how about, sounds great but be better to go when Dad's back so we can all go together.

Why does everything have to be so dramatic?

Are you ok with a stranger inviting your kids for a day out?

OrwellianTimes · 08/05/2023 19:42

Yeah agree it sounds like She wants to jump into happy families asap. She’s way overstepping.

Panteranoir · 08/05/2023 19:45

It does just feel all wrong.

And you clearly can't trust the new GFs judgement if she has a random bloke off tinder sleeping at her house within weeks when she's got young daughters.

I wonder how your ex would judge you if you were doing the same with a random brand new bloke. Ex is definitely not blame free in this scenario and lacks judgement around his new girlfriend and the wellbeing of her kids.