To not want SIL’s dog anywhere near DS

[GreeneryParsonage]

I will preface this by explaining I’m not the biggest fan of dogs (I really mean no offence to dog owners, please don’t let that be a distraction on this thread). Small and medium dogs who are friendly, I have no issue with. If such a dog comes up to me, I will happily engage and bend down and stroke. But I don’t like big dogs and I don’t like seeing dogs in shops and restaurants. Explaining that just in case it has affected my position and I am being unreasonable.

SIL has two dogs. A medium sized one and a huge one (and I mean huge - DH is 6 foot and it’s about waist high for him). I know it’s relevant but I don’t want to say the breeds as it will be outing, but the big one is a traditional hunting dog and it has killed livestock whilst out on walks.

My in laws live far away so we don’t visit that often, as my PIL usually visit us every few months instead. The first time we went up with DS, he was a few months old and SIL only brought the smaller dog to my PIL, and that was fine. Kept an eye on them but the dog was completely uninterested in the baby.

The second time we went up, DS was walking and I did tell DH and my PIL that I was uneasy about having such a big dog near DS, partly because it’s so big and partly because I was worried DS would go up to the dog and grab it and the dog wouldn’t react well. They reassured me it was fine, there won’t be any issues, etc.

Well, SIL arrived with the dogs and after half an hour, she brought the dogs into the house. I carried DS into the room and the second the big dog saw us, it started growling at us. No wagging of the tail or anything, just an immediate growl showing the teeth.

I walked right back out of the room and told DH that I don’t want that dog anywhere near DS. DH told me I was overreacting and it’s fine, that the dog was growling because it must have sensed I was nervous. But the growling was immediately after DS and I walked into the room. There was no way that was a friendly growl.

MIL and SIL were busy chatting so they didn’t notice it, so I’m pretty sure they thought I was being dramatic but SIL agreed to keep the big dog in the garden for the remainder of the afternoon.

We are due to go and visit at the end of May. When I was talking to my MIL yesterday and told her I don’t want that dog anywhere near DS, I could tell by her tone and her facial expression that she thought I was being silly and she didn’t really say anything either way.

I told DH this morning that I am serious and I do not want that dog anywhere near us. DH started with his explanation that the dog responded to me being nervous, but he’s very much “let’s see what happens”.

The issue is SIL doesn’t live close to PIL, so visiting us when we’re there is a full day trip for her, which is why she can’t leave the dogs at home. So me insisting that the dog can’t be near DS makes it difficult for her to visit. However, I do not trust that dog and I do not want it anywhere near DS. The dog very well may have been growling at me instead of DS, but I don’t want to take the risk to find out.

I'm a fan of dogs but no I wouldn't want that type near my child either. I think you're right to be cautious. They can put the dog in a kennel or another room if it has to come. Your child's safety is more important. If his family don't get that, it's their problem.

Let's see what happens? He's ok with you or the baby being bitten then.
Idiot.
After a reaction like that, I think having the dog around you would be really unwise! Why can't the dogs stay in her car (weather permitting) or outside, or even just in a separate room? SIL can check on them/walk as needed..
If they won't agree to that I would refuse to go.

No you are not overly cautious at all, my parents have had always large dogs,caucasian shepherds,professionally taught by the police and one of them once snapped at my adult brother and bit into his arm which needed stitches,dont know what happened that day he was always closest to my brother out of all the family members but animal is an animal in the end of the day.

You absolutely cannot take any chances with dogs and children. To say lets see what happens is the height of stupidity.we all know the worst case scenario.

I completely understand, can't the dog remain in the garden and another room? It may settle almost straight away and be friendly but without knowing the dog none of us can say (mine will growl at certain people just as a warning, men generally, he is very protective of me.)

It doesn't matter if your DH is right about you being nervous making the dog nervous, you can't change that.
That dog is communicating to you by growling. Your DS is vulnerable.
A very good idea to keep them apart. The dog is happier, you are happier, DS is safe, it's just the owners who will be a bit put out & they'll have to deal with it.

I’m a massive dog lover but YANBU.

She can use doggy day care like everyone else.

YADNBA.

I despair at this type of dog owner. I’m certain they are in the minority but it’s this type of complacency and smugness that gets people, particularly children, hurt. Be firm with your boundaries and if they get defensive about it then F them honestly.

Stick to your guns. Surely they can get someone to pop in on their dogs and leave them at home? I am a dog fan and have my own, but this situation is not good.

It wouldn’t be an issue for me because DH would be visiting on his own. I’d be keeping me and my child safe at home.

You need to put the boundaries in place now, there’s no reasoning with dog nutters.

No dog is ever dangerous until it is.

It's certainly possible the dog is growling because you are behaving strangely due to being nervous, or that you've perceived the dog to be acting aggressively because you don't like big dogs.

The reason is largely irrelevant though. If you're not comfortable then don't have your child around the dog. I'm not sure you can dictate in someone else's house that the dog is removed, you can only control yours / your child's movements.

Trust your instincts and keep them apart . You really can tell if a dog isn’t happy and this sounds like one of those occasions .

We recently had similar, toddler dd was walking with us round a garden centre that’s dog friendly, as we turned a corner a dog took one look at her and changed its whole demeanour and was growling and on edge - it was a big dog too (on a lead but the owner was tiny and could have been pulled over of it had decided to go for dd) it clearly saw her as some kind of problem and I’ve never scooped her up so quick in my life !

FFS what is wrong with them? Sounds like they will only agree it’s an issue once the dog has bitten or attempted to bite your DD. Which could, given its size, be a serious injury or worse. The size is worrying enough but the fact it growls is clearly a big warning sign. I can’t believe that any sensible dog owner would ignore it.

Are your DH and his family aware of the multiple times when family pets have killed or maimed kids? Does he realise that if there’s an incident even if not that serious you’ll probably have social services involved and the dog might get put down? Why an earth would they risk it?

Stick to your guns on this- dog gets left at home or goes to a kennels for a day (don’t agree to dog in a side room or the garden either, you’ll be on tenterhooks all day). It may sound harsh to your SIL but surely your DD’s safety is the priority.

They'll insist it wasn't the dogs fault when it bites you/DS... just so you know....

Refuse to go if necessary.

Dogs don't growl when they are just being friendly. It was probably feeling territorial.

If the SIL doesn't understand that she shouldn't be a dog owner.

Oh and be prepared for them to choose the dog over your son if you put in an ultimatum.

Growling is pretty near the top of the ladder of aggression, 2 steps away from biting. Nope wouldn't be going. Surely your SIL can get someone to look after her dogs for one day?

Thank you, this is reassuring. I’m just being made to feel like I’m unreasonable as there’s not been an ounce of support from anyone on how I feel. I was worried my bias against large dogs together with my city background was making me prejudiced in the situation, but for me, it was that growl. The dog growled at us, showing teeth, the second we walked into the room. I’ve never been a dog owner but surely that’s not reassuring behaviour?

I think this dog could cause a lot of damage if it does become angry at DS - as I mentioned, it’s killed sheep on several occasions when out on walks. I dread to imagine what it could do to DS. I know it’s a hunting dog so it is more likely to attack livestock than a person, but again, with that background, it doesn’t reassure me.

I love dogs but I wouldn’t be comfortable with any dog that has killed livestock- and that’s before a child is involved.

as I mentioned, it’s killed sheep on several occasions when out on walks

I'm surprised it hasn't been shot at by a farmer.

My DS was bitten by a large dog of this type, it's male owner couldn't control it when it suddenly became aggressive & took 4 men to get it off her. She has permanent damage to her arm. No way I'd be having it near DS or you & if DH & ILs don't take that seriously DH wild be visiting on his own. Not worth the risk

YANBU!

I am a dog lover and a dog owner, but I would not be okay with this.

Your husband's reaction is not okay. I wouldn't take a "let's see approach" in this situation.

No way would I let my child be near a dog that killed livestock and growled at me.

Your ILs & DH are being irresponsible.

Massive massive dog lover here, but you are absolutely not being unreasonable.

Complacency with dogs around children is total stupidity. MIL was of the 'oh he's fine' attitude with her dog when ds toddled up to stroke him. Dog gave a very aggressive warning snap at his face. After that dog was always put in another room/garden when we visited.

I used to own giant breed dogs. Soppy as anything but I would never put my dogs, or someone's child, in a position that would put them at risk. So for me, visiting children= dogs out of reach.

If I had to go somewhere I got a pet sitter.

Ideally they would get a dog sitter for the times they are visiting - it's generally less stressful for the dog and everyone else.

For now I'd just stay at home.