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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want SIL’s dog anywhere near DS

129 replies

GreeneryParsonage · 06/05/2023 08:39

I will preface this by explaining I’m not the biggest fan of dogs (I really mean no offence to dog owners, please don’t let that be a distraction on this thread). Small and medium dogs who are friendly, I have no issue with. If such a dog comes up to me, I will happily engage and bend down and stroke. But I don’t like big dogs and I don’t like seeing dogs in shops and restaurants. Explaining that just in case it has affected my position and I am being unreasonable.

SIL has two dogs. A medium sized one and a huge one (and I mean huge - DH is 6 foot and it’s about waist high for him). I know it’s relevant but I don’t want to say the breeds as it will be outing, but the big one is a traditional hunting dog and it has killed livestock whilst out on walks.

My in laws live far away so we don’t visit that often, as my PIL usually visit us every few months instead. The first time we went up with DS, he was a few months old and SIL only brought the smaller dog to my PIL, and that was fine. Kept an eye on them but the dog was completely uninterested in the baby.

The second time we went up, DS was walking and I did tell DH and my PIL that I was uneasy about having such a big dog near DS, partly because it’s so big and partly because I was worried DS would go up to the dog and grab it and the dog wouldn’t react well. They reassured me it was fine, there won’t be any issues, etc.

Well, SIL arrived with the dogs and after half an hour, she brought the dogs into the house. I carried DS into the room and the second the big dog saw us, it started growling at us. No wagging of the tail or anything, just an immediate growl showing the teeth.

I walked right back out of the room and told DH that I don’t want that dog anywhere near DS. DH told me I was overreacting and it’s fine, that the dog was growling because it must have sensed I was nervous. But the growling was immediately after DS and I walked into the room. There was no way that was a friendly growl.

MIL and SIL were busy chatting so they didn’t notice it, so I’m pretty sure they thought I was being dramatic but SIL agreed to keep the big dog in the garden for the remainder of the afternoon.

We are due to go and visit at the end of May. When I was talking to my MIL yesterday and told her I don’t want that dog anywhere near DS, I could tell by her tone and her facial expression that she thought I was being silly and she didn’t really say anything either way.

I told DH this morning that I am serious and I do not want that dog anywhere near us. DH started with his explanation that the dog responded to me being nervous, but he’s very much “let’s see what happens”.

The issue is SIL doesn’t live close to PIL, so visiting us when we’re there is a full day trip for her, which is why she can’t leave the dogs at home. So me insisting that the dog can’t be near DS makes it difficult for her to visit. However, I do not trust that dog and I do not want it anywhere near DS. The dog very well may have been growling at me instead of DS, but I don’t want to take the risk to find out.

OP posts:
orangegato · 06/05/2023 09:06

Sooo many new articles recently of dogs killing children and adults. ‘But they’re a big softie!’, yeah, until they aren’t…

Not unreasonable at all. Own a dog large enough to kill a child, accept not everyone loves it as much as you do.

Bibbitybobbitty · 06/05/2023 09:06

Not DS but DSis! Anyway she was an adult & still had serious injuries

Icedlatteplease · 06/05/2023 09:07

Nope to a dog that has killed livestock.

Shows an owner that has no control over their dog.

mycatsanutter · 06/05/2023 09:07

So the dog has killed sheep whilst on a walk wtf , she has no control over that dog whatsoever and I wouldn't want to be in a room with it after it had growled never mind with my child !

IncompleteSenten · 06/05/2023 09:07

Google news reports of family dogs mauling children. Show him the photos and ask him how well "see what happens" turned out for them.

Unsure33 · 06/05/2023 09:08

Dog owner here . I agree with you and if I have guests I always offer to put dogs outside or in another room if young children are about and mine have never even growled at a guest. A family member had rotweillers and I was told they were big softies , until one went for another family member. It’s the owners that always know best that are the worst.

BeetleBailey · 06/05/2023 09:09

I wouldn't go

PandyMoanyMum · 06/05/2023 09:09

I am shocked that this dog has been in a situation where it has been allowed to attack livestock more than once. SIL is irresponsible and I wouldn’t trust her judgement about risk at all.

kweeble · 06/05/2023 09:11

I kept my in laws small dog away from my baby - it’s your instinct to protect your child and ‘wait and see what happens’ is negligent in my view. I need to know and trust a dog before I let them near children.

Dedodee · 06/05/2023 09:13

I have a gentle, medium sized dog.
I am always vigilant when she is in the room with 13 month dgs.

No way would I allow a dog that has killed sheep near my dgc.
Tbh that dog should have been shot when it killed livestock. Its not safe.

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 06/05/2023 09:14

I'm a dog lover but agree with you, I don't think dogs and baby's mix well at the best of times tbh. I have a baby niece and a small, friendly dog and I keep them separated as much as possible. It's not fair on my dog if the baby suddenly grabs him or startles him and he reacts.

VivaLesTartes · 06/05/2023 09:14

I adore dogs of all shapes and sizes but no dog should be left to "see how it goes" with a child.

Your DH comment is odd. Or does he just have a point of view that it will be ok and he means "let's see how it goes - when the rest of the family agree with me..."

YADNBU you are keeping your child safe

Daffodilmorning · 06/05/2023 09:15

I love dogs but wouldn’t have a large dog that had growled at me and killed livestock anywhere near my children (or me tbh).

TheOhGodOfHangovers · 06/05/2023 09:15

How on Earth has the dog been able to kill sheep on multiple occasions? If SIL didn’t learn from the first time, it shows spectacularly bad judgement. Do the sheep farmers know whose dog did the killing? So many questions.

SeulementUneFois · 06/05/2023 09:16

You are completely right.

Just visit a different weekend than when your SiL is there.

BMW6 · 06/05/2023 09:16

Have you reported to the Police that the dog has killed sheep?

TheFlis12345 · 06/05/2023 09:16

I have a very small breed dog. It’s not a big fan of small children. He’s never been aggressive but will bark defensively and get skittish around them, so when we see our young nieces and nephews he stays at home. Simple as that.

Malloryhitops · 06/05/2023 09:18

YANBU at all, please go with your gut even if it makes thing awkward. Dogs are always “good dogs, great with people” until they are not. That’s how it always happens, and then it’s too late 😔 If it’s killed sheep/livestock I wouldn’t be comfortable anywhere near it. I’m shocked anyone would want to be anywhere near it. If that dogs turns on you or your child the consequences would be devastating 😣 growling is showing extreme aggression and very near to attacking.

Ahwig · 06/05/2023 09:20

My mother in law used to have a poodle which my son loved. Sadly that dog died and she decided to get a Doberman. I and my DH visited for once without our son who was 2. I was eating a mince pie sitting on the sofa and the dog vaulted over me snatching the mince pie from my hand as it did so. I quietly said to my DH that I wouldn't be bringing our child there at all while the dog was there. My MIL did think I was being a bit of a drama queen but accepted my decision. She kept telling me how gentle and loving the dog was right up to the time he bit her quite badly. Her next dog was a dash hound and we resumed visiting again.

JMSA · 06/05/2023 09:20

Biggest dog fan here, and you are NOT being unreasonable!

NeverTrustAPoliceman · 06/05/2023 09:20

No dog is allowed in my house and I refuse to visit a house with a dog in it. Totally non-negotiable.

Of course this has offended some people but "my life, my rules."

OP your SIL is being irresponsible and reckless. If the dog has killed livestock it should have been shot. A farmer friend of mine has done that twice to dogs worrying her sheep.

CannotDoThisAnymore · 06/05/2023 09:20

Go with your gut. Dogs cannot be trusted. Ive had a dog previously. Even though he was so soft and lovely, i never trusted him alone with my toddler/child, even if i just nipped upstairs. It only takes a second

Tygertiger · 06/05/2023 09:21

YADNBU. I have a dog and I totally respect that some people don’t like them. My niece is scared of dogs so when we had a family meal at my parents’ house (which normally dog would come to) he went to daycare and I’ve no issue with that at all. Wishes of people who don’t like dogs trump wishes of people who do. And my dog is lovely and not aggressive - in this case you’ve got even more reason to say no to the dog!

JMSA · 06/05/2023 09:21

And I can't believe it has killed livestock Shock Why wouldn't they have it on the lead?

Percypiglover · 06/05/2023 09:23

I have grown up with dogs and love them, my parents have 3 currently. All love my children but we are still careful about leaving them without close supervision as a dog can be startled and react without meaning to be malicious. Therefore a dog who already has a tendency to be aggressive is not a great idea near a small child.