To not want SIL’s dog anywhere near DS

[GreeneryParsonage]

I will preface this by explaining I’m not the biggest fan of dogs (I really mean no offence to dog owners, please don’t let that be a distraction on this thread). Small and medium dogs who are friendly, I have no issue with. If such a dog comes up to me, I will happily engage and bend down and stroke. But I don’t like big dogs and I don’t like seeing dogs in shops and restaurants. Explaining that just in case it has affected my position and I am being unreasonable.

SIL has two dogs. A medium sized one and a huge one (and I mean huge - DH is 6 foot and it’s about waist high for him). I know it’s relevant but I don’t want to say the breeds as it will be outing, but the big one is a traditional hunting dog and it has killed livestock whilst out on walks.

My in laws live far away so we don’t visit that often, as my PIL usually visit us every few months instead. The first time we went up with DS, he was a few months old and SIL only brought the smaller dog to my PIL, and that was fine. Kept an eye on them but the dog was completely uninterested in the baby.

The second time we went up, DS was walking and I did tell DH and my PIL that I was uneasy about having such a big dog near DS, partly because it’s so big and partly because I was worried DS would go up to the dog and grab it and the dog wouldn’t react well. They reassured me it was fine, there won’t be any issues, etc.

Well, SIL arrived with the dogs and after half an hour, she brought the dogs into the house. I carried DS into the room and the second the big dog saw us, it started growling at us. No wagging of the tail or anything, just an immediate growl showing the teeth.

I walked right back out of the room and told DH that I don’t want that dog anywhere near DS. DH told me I was overreacting and it’s fine, that the dog was growling because it must have sensed I was nervous. But the growling was immediately after DS and I walked into the room. There was no way that was a friendly growl.

MIL and SIL were busy chatting so they didn’t notice it, so I’m pretty sure they thought I was being dramatic but SIL agreed to keep the big dog in the garden for the remainder of the afternoon.

We are due to go and visit at the end of May. When I was talking to my MIL yesterday and told her I don’t want that dog anywhere near DS, I could tell by her tone and her facial expression that she thought I was being silly and she didn’t really say anything either way.

I told DH this morning that I am serious and I do not want that dog anywhere near us. DH started with his explanation that the dog responded to me being nervous, but he’s very much “let’s see what happens”.

The issue is SIL doesn’t live close to PIL, so visiting us when we’re there is a full day trip for her, which is why she can’t leave the dogs at home. So me insisting that the dog can’t be near DS makes it difficult for her to visit. However, I do not trust that dog and I do not want it anywhere near DS. The dog very well may have been growling at me instead of DS, but I don’t want to take the risk to find out.

Nah, the inlaws wouldn't see me or DS for dust. No compromising on that one and I'd happily tell them why.

I'd also feel quite vulnerable at the realisation that I've married a reckless idiot. So he'd get an earful. Right or wrong but I have a particular distaste of bimbling men who leave me feeling like I'm the one with a pantful of bollocks fighting to keep the family safe.
I hope he knows at least how to keep his own limbs intact.

I have a dog and love dogs but would not like this situation.

I know people whose dogs have - quite rightly imo - been shot for killing a single sheep
How has she let it happen more than once
Very irresponsible dog owner
He's your son, it's absolutely your choice and you're right to keep the dogs away from your child

Arrange to visit when SIL and dogs won’t be there, if hubby loans say he can go by himself u and child are doing something different.

I own a dog and I don't want my children anywhere near one of my sisters dogs. I don't trust him, end of. So you are not being unreasonable at all. Rather be seen as over reacting then forever regret not going with your gut feeling.

If the family won't separate the dogs from your child, you take the initiative and remove the child from the scene.

When SIL and the dog are there, you take DC for a long walk in the buggy/ out in the car, to bed for a nap. He stays with you in your arms/ baby sling at all times.

If they comment ot object, you just say calmly " You knew I have been very anxious about this. Nobody else feels the same way so I'm handling it myself. "

We have a skittish/nervous dog. She barks at the doorbell and isn’t keen on strangers. She nipped my niece when she was a puppy as she was frightened and cornered, and since then I have not allowed her to be anywhere near DS’s friends or his cousins so we use kennels and dog walkers/kennels when required. I also don’t take her to other peoples’ houses, it’s not worth the stress. At home, with us and on walks/outside she is amazing, so I have accepted the limitations.

This is totally reasonable and just take matters into your own hands if your in laws won't assist to separate the dog and your son. Their priorities are screwed.

I like dogs and work with them. Any dog that growls in my vicinity gets a muzzle. I wouldn’t have my kid round it. She can leave it with a dog walker or kennels. There are plenty of options. If she wants to see her brother and nephew. I don’t judge dogs by size or breed. I’d be happy for the biggest dogs to be round my kids. But not if they are growling

Killing livestock doesn’t mean a dog is an issue with people.... but it does mean it’s owner is irresponsible.

and yeah, you’re right to avoid the dog if he growled and bared his teeth, that’s a massively stressed dog and stressed dogs aren’t safe to be around with a baby.

I’ve got a big dog and a medium dog. I love dogs.
I would not want that dog anywhere near my child.
There is no guarantee the dog is safe.

Does SIL have the decency to feel shit about her dog killing sheep. I also thought farmers have guns to shoot dogs worrying their animals.

I own 4 dogs myself. I wouldn't have that dog around my kids.

Wallets put it this way OP - no dog owner ever thinks the day is going to end with their dog maining/killing a child

Thank you for your support everyone, it’s reassuring and giving me the strength I need to set some clear boundaries around the dog.

DH is very much someone who never thinks his family do anything wrong, so anything remotely critical never goes down well.

You really didn’t need most of your post. You really buried the lead.

the dog has killed livestock. It has absolutely no business being around children under any circumstances.

do not back down on this.

what your relative does with the dog is not your problem. I would suggest boarding, but really, if she is honest with a boarding service or a dog sitter, neither is going to agree to work with this dog. im surprised she managed to avoid dealing with the situation appropriately. Did she not admit her culpability to the owners?

No, I wouldn't be comfortable around a dog that has killed sheep. It is untrained and out of control. Your sister should be ashamed of herself and banned from owning animals.

Oh aren't you and the child you have together not his family then? His no.1 priority should be keeping his child safe. It's not, it's keeping his parents and sister happy. In fact he's putting a dog before his own son. Cor you've bagged yourself a gem there op!

Don't be in the same location as the dogs even. They can easily run past if they are in the garden. It only takes a split second.

Are you in the UK, OP? What action was taken against the dog for killing livestock? That's extremely serious.

So as a dog owner this tells me everything I'd need to know about SIL to make a decision. She's not informed enough about her dogs prey drive, she's not training consistently enough and she underestimates the danger from and to her dog repeatedly to the point of letting it run off lead near livestock. My dog has excellent recall, he's very calm off lead and extremely well socialised. Never in a million years would I let him off lead near livestock because he's my responsibility if he scares or harms another animal. No way would i be letting him around my child.

My parents dog is elderly and has stated biting in his old age, they think he's fine but I've made it clear he's not to be anywhere near my ds and he's not there unsupervised because they are too relaxed about it. You put in whatever boundaries you need to with your child but your dh needs to wise up and back you up. They are seriously naieve if they think a dog of that size is safe around a toddler. For one it could just bowl him over and hurt him without meaning to. Yanbu

WTAF, a dog that has killed several sheep?
Why the hell is it not muzzled?
I would want nothing to do with your awful in laws, but then I'm from a farming background.

If the dog has already killed sheep, it plainly has a high prey drive. If your SIL is irresponsible enough to let a dog with a high prey drive get loose near livestock, she is too irresponsible to have her dog near a small child.

A dog with a high prey drive needs really dedicated and skilled training to control that drive. It sounds very much as though your SIL is either too ignorant or too lazy to put in the hard yards, and on that basis I very much doubt whether she would be able to control it near a child.

It's very rare for me not to be on the side of the dog, but she really sounds like a twat and YANBU not to have her dog near your child.

I'd love to know the breed, the only one that can think of initially that is that big and a hunting breed is an Irish wolfhound, and every IW I've ever met has been soft as shit with people and kids (and other dogs, now I think about it).

They've been owned by sensible people who know what they're doing though.

Some dog owners just refuse to acknowledge the risks and if the dog becomes aggressive or bites, will blame everyone except the dog. I have one such person in my family (who has now put me off dogs for life).

Well your DH has a son now and needs to be objective not defensive about his family and what blind spots they might have.

Risk = weighing likelihood and outcome

The fact that the possible consequences are so huge outweighs the 'fact' that it is unlikely to happen, and precautions are still wise.

I think they just can't be arsed with the inconvenience are are willing to play fast and loose with your son's safety.

I love big dogs but you have to trust your instincts here. Dogs don’t always recognise babies and young children as human if they are not used to them. I would not take any risks from what you have said.