is this normal in a village?

[orabges]

I grew up in a village but left as an adult life in a city/suburb so when I moved back to the area in January this year I had no experience of living in a village as an adult. It’s not really relevant but I was wary of moving back and we’ve already discussed the fact we may not stay long. I’m quite a private person and having lived in a busy suburb, I know people talk but also there’s a higher turnover of people, more diversity, people actually have busy lives and there’s more going on so I never felt in a goldfish bowl despite living in a very built up area. We moved to a detached house and intentionally kept ourselves to ourselves. I definitely wouldn’t say I am a rude person, I’m very friendly and will help out if someone needs something etc and I do like a chat, but I also value privacy. On social media last week I contacted someone I used to work with around 22 years ago to ask if their dad still did painting and decorating - he is not a friend but I know of him if you see what I mean. He responded to say yes and sent me the link to the business. He’s never lived in the village but his elderly parents live here, he’s around 45 minutes away! We have no connection to his parents and when I contacted him it was the first time we had been in touch for over a decade. Alongside the link to the business he said he had heard we were now living in the village and that I was working for x company and had been there a while and recently been promoted. What the hell? I feel like we are being talked about and I hate it. I’ve no idea who would be so interested in me and my life and who has shared this with him. I feel really uncomfortable. Is that was it’s going to be like?!

Babdoc this is all true as well. The things which make the village frustrating are the same things which make it wonderful.

@wonkylegs 10 years! Bah! No time at all. Maybe after 40 years you might not be seen as the new incomers...then again maybe not.

This thread just seems like an excuse to bash people who live in villages.

YABVVVU @orabges

A couple of weeks ago i went to a 70th birthday. The adult DD of the man the party was being held for lives abroad. She commented in the course of conversation; 'Oh yes, I'd quite like to move here. I saw a lovely 5 bed house for sale but it must have been sold as it is off Rightmove now' . Cue three of us saying; 'No, that house belongs to [points to another party goer] and it's still for sale it is just she got the hump with the agents... go talk to her'.

Yes! I've lived in three houses in the village i live in and I've bought them all without estate agent involvement because we knew people were looking at moving. It's saved us a fortune!

Sounds horrific. I can see why witches were burned in villages. Anyone not following the expected protocols are considered strange and talked about. Suits no one but narrow minded gossips who love to spread drama.

I would find this unbearable. This is why I will never leave London.

It's only strange to people who live in places where you could drop dead on public transport and everyone would pretend they hadn't seen it.

Ouch.

I've found there's 2 states of mind - the London/big city state of mind (based on living there for three years), no one speaks to anyone they don't know, no one knows their neighbours, if you smile at someone you don't know then they think you're a weirdo, everyone is very wary of everyone else, if you stop someone to ask them something they think you probably want to rob them.

In a village - everyone knows someone, some people know everyone, most people know their neighbours, most people talk to each other or smile and say hello if they don't know each other, some people tell you everything they know about everyone around them - it's best not to tell them things you don't want everyone to know!

The big difference is people talk a lot in villages, if you prefer to live anonymously then big city living is more for you. Personally I love living in a village. In London I didn't know any of my neighbours, in the village I know then all, I have great friends, people I stop for a chat over the fence with and several people I could ask for all sorts of different favours. I guess it just depends what suits.

@RedToothBrush

It's only strange to people who live in places where you could drop dead on public transport and everyone would pretend they hadn't seen it.

This is a total misconception about big cities in my experience. I've been the victim of an attempted mugging (in London) and the number of people who rallied around to support was incredible. Including an elderly man, who literally went after my would-be mugger, and a number of teenagers.

Separately (also in London) I have had or witnessed numerous acts of generosity from near strangers. The newsagent who brought free food parcels to my door during heavy snowfall in the winter of 2010 when I was eight months pregnant. Or a group of people who took turns in the block of flats I lived in to sit with an elderly woman whose husband was in hospital with late-stage cancer.

Yes people in rural areas can be very helpful and kind, for sure, but it often comes with a side-helping of being over-involved, nosy and (sometimes) racist and very untrustful of people who "aren't from round here".

I know what I prefer.

Glad I don’t live in a village,. Would hate to think they were gossiping about my fertility issues and treatments.

Because choosing to live in a village in the first place is likely to correspond with being more small-c conservative and risk-averse in their approach to life. Because they will be much less exposed to any real diversity of thought, lifestyle, or ethnicity.

haha rubbish.
Both me and DH grew up in very deprived areas and now work in two of the most diverse universities in the country.
Our village consists of locals who have lived here forever but also a huge number of people who grew up here, left and experienced the world but have returned as it's a lovely pace to raise a family.

You get a whole range of people living in villages now due to hybrid working.

I live in a village, and I have never heard of anyone's fertility issues via gossip.

Weirdly I currently have a Dutch girl staying with me in my backwater of our of touch lack of diversity land.

As for all the other bollocks, it's strangely mad to consider how many people commute from these lands of small c conservativism to jobs in the cities across this country. It's almost like this poster has never heard of the commuter belt. Oh to be that ignorant.

Maybe they should get out of their overly polluted city which is clearly affecting their brain and go find a cow or something.

Yes. I have met people from the city who have never seen a cow. In their late 20s.

It's remarkable to think that you could have so many people living in close proximity cow and then prattle on about how diverse and educated and wonderful that place is. Imagine living somewhere and not knowing where food came from apart from 'the supermarket'.
https://www.livekindly.com/british-survey-bacon-pigs/

Ah to be 'diverse' because diversity training is all that matters in life. Thank goodness we can import all our food into the city from, oh where is that place again? Oh yes, the countryside.

Or maybe, just maybe it's just a different lifestyle.

These cities full of right thinking virtuous types sure sound nice with all their anti-rural abuse.

Why would they?

Yes, pretty normal. It doesn't bother me tbh. I'm not much of a gossip at all tbh, but I don't really mind people knowing what I'm up to.

It's literally a longstanding reality of politics in many countries including the UK, that rural areas and small communities vote much more right-wing than urban areas. It's been documented over and over and over again. Go ahead and Google "urban Vs rural divide" if you want.

What's your alternative explanation of why villages and rural areas vote much further to the right than cities do?

What's your alternative explanation of why villages and rural areas vote much further to the right than cities do?

Where have I referred to the voting habits of the inhabitants of villages?

I was responding to the comment about people choosing to live in villages being less risk averse and being less exposed to diversity of thought, lifestyle and ethnicity.

It's a mix at times with different people

I love living in my village, don't get overly involved in anything that goes on but still know loads of people and it's a very reassuring, comfortable community. Been here for over 20 years and love visiting London and other big cities but couldn't live there, that's fine though, we're all different

🤣🤣🤣

"Because choosing to live in a village in the first place is likely to correspond with being more small-c conservative and risk-averse in their approach to life. Because they will be much less exposed to any real diversity of thought, lifestyle, or ethnicity. Because it's much easier to "other" and dehumanise groups of people when you're not actually exposed to them IRL."
Firstly the fact that someone who lives in a city can say this is a surely a perfect demonstration that those who live in urban areas find it just as easy to "other" and dehumanise groups of people when you're not actually exposed to them IRL".
Secondly Ive been accused of lots of things over the years but never of being conservative with a "small-c" (I find it almost insulting) and I never have and never would dehumanise anyone.

@TheNachtzehrer

Because choosing to live in a village in the first place is likely to correspond with being more small-c conservative and risk-averse in their approach to life. Because they will be much less exposed to any real diversity of thought, lifestyle, or ethnicity. Because it's much easier to "other" and dehumanise groups of people when you're not actually exposed to them IRL.

Fucking hell. 😂 Just when I thought I'd read everything on here. Biggest load of bollocks I've read on here for ages! I can't believe anyone thought it was OK to post this!