is this normal in a village?

[orabges]

I grew up in a village but left as an adult life in a city/suburb so when I moved back to the area in January this year I had no experience of living in a village as an adult. It’s not really relevant but I was wary of moving back and we’ve already discussed the fact we may not stay long. I’m quite a private person and having lived in a busy suburb, I know people talk but also there’s a higher turnover of people, more diversity, people actually have busy lives and there’s more going on so I never felt in a goldfish bowl despite living in a very built up area. We moved to a detached house and intentionally kept ourselves to ourselves. I definitely wouldn’t say I am a rude person, I’m very friendly and will help out if someone needs something etc and I do like a chat, but I also value privacy. On social media last week I contacted someone I used to work with around 22 years ago to ask if their dad still did painting and decorating - he is not a friend but I know of him if you see what I mean. He responded to say yes and sent me the link to the business. He’s never lived in the village but his elderly parents live here, he’s around 45 minutes away! We have no connection to his parents and when I contacted him it was the first time we had been in touch for over a decade. Alongside the link to the business he said he had heard we were now living in the village and that I was working for x company and had been there a while and recently been promoted. What the hell? I feel like we are being talked about and I hate it. I’ve no idea who would be so interested in me and my life and who has shared this with him. I feel really uncomfortable. Is that was it’s going to be like?!

Villages: racist and gossipy.
City a few miles away: enlightened diverse and wonderful.

#loadofbollocks

Normal unfortunately. Our GP practice has a separate waiting area for the midwives. When I was pregnant with dc2, I took dc1 to a toddler group the day after my appointment and was congratulated on my pregnancy by multiple people none of whom had been in the doctors.

It is normal and annoying. I hate the idea that people think they know you when they've never met you or went to school with you 20 years ago. My mum or others will say "did you hear about X? You know her...you went to school with her" and my response is always a firm "I know who that person is but I do not know them" or similar

We recently moved to a slightly bigger village/ small town, I haven't told a soul what I do for work, I introduced myself to neighbours at the four closest houses and interestingly they were all very keen to tell me all sorts about themselves but asked very little of me so I kept private

I think obvious GDPR breaches or malicious gossip aside, it's quite normal to talk about other people and be reasonably interested in their lives.

But it has benefits too. Open up a little! An elderly 'private' couple (70ish) moved to our village. Unbeknownst to us, the old man had long-standing heart issues and suffered a cardiac arrest one day. We still don't know if she knew we have a defibrillator literally round the corner from her house (she never seems to venture out) or if she was unable to get to it herself for some reason. She didn't alert any of us, just waited for the ambulance to show up which due to our location had to arrive by air, landing in my neighbour's field. It was the crew who told us he was dead. Perhaps her husband wouldn't have survived anyway, but it haunts us. We've tried reaching out since, worried she's a lonely widow, maybe even scared in the house without him, but she's still weirdly hostile to socialising with any of us.

We're not a commuter village, most of us grew up here or from a similar rural background somewhere else, so idly sharing information is no big deal to us. I'm used to people knowing stuff about me. Everyone you interact with at surgery, school, any local businesses is someone's dad or whatever. People are linked. It means you have a level of trust and protection you wouldn't otherwise have though. No one is going to rip me off or even shout at me or whatever because getting along smoothly is paramount.

Of course it's normal. What else do people have to talk about in villages other than their neighbours. Why we live in a market town.

WE talk about all the same things you talk about! WTF?

People in villages do talk about one another that's true. But the upside is that (in my experience) they are on the whole also super willing to help and support you.

You can keep yourself to yourself of course and people should respect that, but there's big benefits of being part of a real community!

I can only say that's not my experience of living in a small village in Wilts.

20 years ago we moved into a northern village from a city in the south. Walked into local pub. Was told ‘oh, you’re Geller aren’t you’ and then they went on to include my partners name , where we lived and where we both worked. Was just getting used to people suddenly chatting in shops and buses so this was a shocker! So yeah, OP, normal for villages. Mostly it’s well meant round here.

I was frowned upon by a group of older ladies who were insistent that I had been seen riding my ex-racehorse about the village wearing my newborn baby in a carrier (I didn't do this). More recently, I was told that I had had a pacemaker fitted following an ambulance callout (the ambulance happened, I do not have a pacemaker). Villages are unusual places filled with people who have nothing better to do than make up gossip!

People have very strange ideas as to what villages are like ...ALL villages obviously cos' they're all the same.

I live in a village and if you participate in village life then people will know all about you. If you want to stay private then people respect that.

Villages are unusual places filled with people who have nothing better to do than make up gossip!

All villages? All of the people in them??

Completely normal, I've lived in a village my whole life, most people here knew I was pregnant before I did 😂

Your experience is that no-one in the entire village had anything to talk about othre than their neighbours? None of them had families, friends, jobs, hobbies, read books, watched tv, played sport, holidayed, followed politics or news? They all had one sole topic of conversation: you.

Your "experience" was your own narcissism and paranoia.

Yes every single one other than the select few who just enjoy making sweeping generalisations.

Also, this isn't just any village you've moved to - it's one where you lived your whole childhood by the sounds of it. So they have a legitimate interest in you, you're not a randomer, you're

"Cheryl's daughter, you remember, Cheryl Cheryl not horsey Cheryl, her girl that was always so good at netball? Well she got that big job after uni up in town, yes she's moved back now did you hear, oh how lovely, I'm sure they want to be back here to start a family, I heard she married a lovely man, oh yes I ran into them in the Coop the other day, he's ever so nice and helped me with getting a tin down from the top shelf, yes she's doing so well, Cheryl says she even got promoted, well that's how they afforded those nice new curtains, and did you see they've put new gravel down in the drive, I wouldn't have chosen that pea gravel because it always goes onto the patio and I'm forever sweeping it off but maybe they'll have better luck etc etc etc"

Like the Pepperpots from Monty Python.

Honestly I cant see the pronlem. These private people are a bit precious I think. I like Mr Bennett's quote something on the lines of 'for what do we exist but to make sport for our neighbours and laugh at them in our turn.'

Quite normal in my experience

Definitely normal. I don’t live in the village where I grew up but my mum does. I know what people are doing, where they’re living and how many kids they have etc when I haven’t seen these people since I left primary school in 1989!

Well yes.
When we moved, finally managed to get dd into the primary.
Dropped her off and went for a mooch along the high street. Mentioned in the first shop that it was Mt first child free day in xx months as dd had just joined the school. She gave me my child's name and her teacher!

Sounds about right, especially if there's a pub/shop/school etc.

Burning witches, ritual sacrifice, how to drive out any outsiders - that sort of thing.

Not like in the cosmopolitan market towns (about two miles away) where it’s like a welcoming beacon of just the right mix of inclusivity and mind your own business.

I agree with @gannett , I grew up in a large village/small town where people recognise you from years ago. My Sister still lives there and my Dad was there for a couple of years before he died last year. I was also a slightly awkward kid, got bullied a bit and hate that people probably know and remember that. My Sister is very clever (musical and brilliant at languages) and is like my Mum in a lot of ways (all positive|), who also isn't with us anymore. Yes, I hate the feeling that people remember you and know your business, its a goldfish bowl as you say. Coupled with it being slightly rural and inconvenient, you stand out like a sore thumb if you dont drive which I dont. Give me an anonymous City where you can be and do whatever, know one cares what you wear, if someone see's you looking a bit upset or something, they're not going to snitch to someone. I moved to South London when I was 22 and I've never looked back.

It's 'normal'. We moved to our current village when my first born was 6 months. We were a novelty and definitely the talk of the village. Still are really 5 years on! We must have brought the average age down in the village by about 50 years! It used to make me feel uncomfortable but it doesn't bother me now. Large elderly population who see each other and have a chat. A busybody lady down from us was put out by children moving in near her as she was worried about noise but she's the most disruptive person I know and stumbles home from the village pub past our house most days!