is this normal in a village?

[orabges]

I grew up in a village but left as an adult life in a city/suburb so when I moved back to the area in January this year I had no experience of living in a village as an adult. It’s not really relevant but I was wary of moving back and we’ve already discussed the fact we may not stay long. I’m quite a private person and having lived in a busy suburb, I know people talk but also there’s a higher turnover of people, more diversity, people actually have busy lives and there’s more going on so I never felt in a goldfish bowl despite living in a very built up area. We moved to a detached house and intentionally kept ourselves to ourselves. I definitely wouldn’t say I am a rude person, I’m very friendly and will help out if someone needs something etc and I do like a chat, but I also value privacy. On social media last week I contacted someone I used to work with around 22 years ago to ask if their dad still did painting and decorating - he is not a friend but I know of him if you see what I mean. He responded to say yes and sent me the link to the business. He’s never lived in the village but his elderly parents live here, he’s around 45 minutes away! We have no connection to his parents and when I contacted him it was the first time we had been in touch for over a decade. Alongside the link to the business he said he had heard we were now living in the village and that I was working for x company and had been there a while and recently been promoted. What the hell? I feel like we are being talked about and I hate it. I’ve no idea who would be so interested in me and my life and who has shared this with him. I feel really uncomfortable. Is that was it’s going to be like?!

It’s normal in suburbs and cities as well, it’s just harder to notice. Grandparents and parents are constantly giving updates on the children of their friends acquaintances who you barely remember. In a village, those updates stand out. In a busy city, they just sort of blend in.

Yes, gossip central village life.

I am on the fb sites for three local villages and, oh my god, the gossip! They totally slag each other on there! Posting complaints and grievances about each other, publicly disputing. Honestly, it’s endlessly entertaining.

@Maryslargelamb wow, my village is so tame by comparison, it's all reasonable offers of help and calm pleasant suggestions, I feel cheated. 🤣

Interested yes. Over-invested and judgemental nope.

I live mainly alone in a remote location in a village with 160 people in it. Everyone knows what you're doing; where you live, what you're up too. I don't think its anything malicious its just village life it doesn't bother me. I've had some serious health problems this year so many people knew despite me only telling a few people and a number of times this year I've had to ask for help from my village friends and or neighbours they've been amazing Ive had many offers of help at one stage I almost felt like they were fighting over it.
I wouldn't swop living here for all the world.

No gossip here either.

Our village is less than 300 folk, they knew everything about us before we moved 🤣

Also had a few messages of condolences after losing our dog yesterday.

Its prob just idle gossips.....

Ours is 30% where's the chip van NOW? 30% what bin day is it/was it? 20% moaning about dog poo, 10% moaning about the moaning 5% whole year round prep for the summer festival and 5 % everything else 🙄

And it is unintentionally always absolutely hilarious 😂
Like a living Viz magazine.

Yep, been in a village for 5 years. We are "the family on top of the hill, who put up a new fence".

Yeah villages can be very talkative
Sometimes it's a good thing, sometimes not so much and sometimes it's frankly ridiculous (our village FB groups - there are rival ones, are always good for hysterical ridiculous hyperbole and gossip)
It's easier if you step back and don't take it personally, enjoy the good, ignore the bad, and laugh at the rest.
At least coming from the village originally you don't get the "weird incomers who will never belong" comments - we've been here 10yrs!

I live in Oxfordshire and the links between people in this county are astonishing, pretty well everyone seems to know someone you know. One example: a friend told me about some lamb she'd had from a farm and I happened to mention it to someone I work alongside, but who otherwise has no connection to me or my friend. He said 'Oh yeah, that'll be X, he runs some sheep. His wife does my wife's hair'. And it was X too. It's very much like that around here, but you get used to it. Just be careful what you say about people, because it'll get back to them.

Exactly. I love my village and the sense of community.
I can't wait for the weekend as everyone will be out for the coronation and it'll be a whole village party.

Yes, I agree. Having a community is lovely and many people do like to help one another. It's comforting having people look out for you, even if they do know your business.

In my village we would have known the date of your last smear test.
Any information can prove useful in a future dispute.

Oh yes this is SO true.

A couple of weeks ago i went to a 70th birthday. The adult DD of the man the party was being held for lives abroad. She commented in the course of conversation; 'Oh yes, I'd quite like to move here. I saw a lovely 5 bed house for sale but it must have been sold as it is off Rightmove now' . Cue three of us saying; 'No, that house belongs to [points to another party goer] and it's still for sale it is just she got the hump with the agents... go talk to her'.

Grew up in a town (not village! they are adamant about that) where my grandparents owned a shop on main street, my mum owned another shop and my Dad was the school principal. Everything I ever did was gossiped about and dissected. If as a teenager I kissed a boy it was like a royal family scandal. I found it very hard to cope with and feel in a funny way I know what it's like to be famous. There was a comfort to it sometimes, especially as i get older and feel a sense of nostalgia for being a part of something. I feel if I ever wanted I could just turn up there again and live my life as one of them and would be welcome.

Yes, the majority will be busybodies who have nothing going on, so you become their entertainment until the next person comes along. Although I’m sure you must’ve known this if you once lived in a village, you would know, never to return. At least the bloke got your story right, they often don’t.

RedToothBrush You mean the village Facebook group where the locals are utterly bloody insane and no rational human being has ever participated?

Our local Facebook page is obsessed with dog poo, complete with pictures (which we could all do without). Someone rode a horse down the street and it pooped. It was like Armageddon.

Only one of our villages had a chip van, and sadly that ceased forever in lockdown, so the chip can posts sadlyndied with it. Shame, I got to hear the gossip live, in person, in the queue for chips : )

Yes, yes to the dog poo posts. Parking posts the hot topic in one of the villages. In another, cars and horse riders are a popular theme. In the other it’s moaning about teenagers!

And yes, yes to the moaning about the moaning!

My personal favorite posts are the ‘ public shaming of neighbours and fellow villagers’ with my absolute favorite being, ‘YOU BURNT MY LITTLE GIRL’S TRAMPOLINE! YOU KNOW YOU DID!’

My God, that’s gangsta level threatening!

I have lived in a Scottish village for 40 years, having previously been born and raised in London. I much prefer village life.
Nobody here would ever lie dead and undiscovered for months. Nobody here would go months without someone speaking to them. Nobody here would have to search online to find a reliable tradesperson, we have local guys whose reputation matters to them. Our local church and elders provide services to the whole community, such as a warm hub over the winter, coffee mornings and lunches for pensioners, etc.
The village hall runs classes and activities. All the kids attend the same village school with small class sizes. Local volunteers run a litter pick to keep the village clean.
There is a definite sense of community, of people looking out for each other. If you go to the village shop, you always have a nice chat with the staff and customers. People say hello in the street, even to visitors or strangers. Humans are social animals with a need to belong, and a village is just the right size of social unit.

@Maryslargelamb it's so funny isn't it? I sit sniggering away and DH asks me what i'm reading and it's the FB page 😄

Everyone here seems to have ring doorbells now and so it's loads of blurry black and white shots of folk in the gloom with a dog on the lead with captions saying variations of
''I know who you are and this is you with your dog shitting on my lawn last night!! Come and pick it up or i'll shame you on 'ere'' ....

Stop contacting people who you have not had contact with for years then!

When the partner swapping and sex party rumours start it gets properly entertaining.... 😂