To not support stepchild moving in?

[Fizzy196]

DSS is 12 and has decided he wants to spend more time with us rather than at his mums. DH and his ex seem to have agreed between themselves that as he's getting older he can do as he pleases.

The reason for this, we all know, is because he gets away with a lot more here and has a better set up in his room than at his mums (shares there and no TV in the room whereas he doesn't here and has TV in there which DH lets him use far too much imo but that's not my business).

Me and DH have basically come to a big of loggerheads about this as I work part time and as a result have fallen into the trap of basically doing everything for all the children at home (mine and DHs and DSC). I cook, clean, wash clothes, even take him to school 90% of the time. This is something that winds me up and we have argued about before and I have started to resent having DSC as time as gone on as I feel like a lot is placed on me. He already lives here 50% of the time and I think this is enough especially as there are no serious reasons why he cannot continue to stay at his mums for the other half of the week.

I know full well if he moves in it will just mean even more work for me and I'm basically saying it's not happening. My children are below school age at the moment and I already do more school runs than I'd like to (and have for years), don't ask why he can't make his own way to school yet this is another issue! SS is waited on hand and foot when here and I'm a bit sick of it already, never mind it being even more constant.

I've told DH if he moves in, everything will be up to him. School runs, taking to and from mates, hobbies, school holidays, clothes washing, bed stripping etc..

He thinks I'm unreasonable as I work part time and should support his son moving in (by doing more than his own parents will be!). I've said no.

DH can't, with his work, do what it is he wants me to do i.e. school runs, holiday cover, general running about, so basically SS can't come more often.

What if you were both working every day but your wife worked at home- so you decided that made her ‘available’ (and subtext is you told her her work doesn’t matter as much as yours). In a genuine partnership you can go with ‘whoever is available’. It doesn’t work when one partner thinks his time is more valuable than the other partners. When we are talking about the parenting and housework for the first partners child, it’s extremely entitled and uncaring to assume the second partner is ‘available’ despite being at work.

Yes I’ve stated an opinion round of applause 👏 👌

I agree with this comment…. Oh dear going to get stroppy comments again 😩😂

her kids don’t go to school yet, so what exactly are you agreeing with?

Being odd? Look who is talking. I think it’s odd to get so upset over a comment 🙄🙂

I agree with what the poster stated. Hi again @SheilaFentiman you again 🙄😂

Calm down dear, I was only trying to help as you seem so confused.
I hope you feel better soon 💐

These step parenting threads always seem to devolve into bitter exes equating "step mother" with "bitch OW that my husband left me for" leading to the desire to stick the boot in and paint the step mother as a horrible person.

Rightyho

i suspect that the correlation is usually the other way round. But whatever.

If the child’s mother was here saying her ex and his wife facilitated her son moving out of her house so he could have a tv in his room and be waited on constantly we’d have posters screaming parental alienation.

OP doesn’t have to acquiesce to this child abandoning his mother’s house for greener pastures.

What a strange family dynamic you have. Are you a family or not? Or only a family to your biological children. Should your step child be waited on hand and foot - no absolutely not make them pull their weight and if you aren’t happy with your husbands efforts make him pitch in too but to think you wouldn’t welcome your stepchild to live with you if both biological parents are happy for that all because you have to do the school run! Suggesting your husband has to do everything is such a strange view. If you work part time then surely you can pitch in isn’t that what you do for your biological kids?

You can't just "make" someone pitch in too, if they aren't willing they won't and you will have to do it.

And there is nothing remotely odd about having a family dynamic where you expect your DP to do the vast majority of things for their own child. It's very common. Honestly, people need to look outside of their own bubble and realise there are a LOT of different types of families out there, not just what they are used to.

Aww I would much rather chocolate then flowers my dear but thank you for the gesture 😌

Stop projecting my dear 🙂

aw It’s hard when someone doesn’t share your views but I wish you better soon my dear 😅

There's a word for when an opinion is based on something which is factually incorrect, now what is it…? Oh yes, I know. 'Wrong' 😁

No however if your offering feel free lol

just because I’m not getting all angry etc reporting peoples comments like mine have been lol I’m not that sad to take it seriously however if people keep tagging me to leave a message only polite for me to respond is it not? Can’t believe the amount of Karen’s on here ffs lol

“I’m not that sad to take it seriously”

Several real people under discussion here. But whatever. You are clearly here to stir and I CBA.

Time to stop feeding the nonsense I think.