To want my son to fo to Catholic high school

[Wotsitmom2022]

Hey all
My son is only 1 so thinking waaaay ahead but it came up in conversation with some mum friends.

I am a Catholic. Always have been. I still go to Church every Sunday and take my son.

Ideally I would love to send him to Both a Catholic primary and a secondary School.
However the Catholic primary schools are further distance and no wrap around care, while the the few near us are non Catholic, but working walking distance and wrap around care. This would be more practical given work etc and DS needing more care as a younger child. Our zoned primary is very open about different religions and will teach about them all, and there are some groups/ activities for younger children I could take him too, also read to him myself etc.

There is only one Catholic High School which we would need to apply to and my son would be older so could take himself etc and wouldn’t no longer need wrap around care etc.
The high schools near us have a bad reputation for bullying especially kids who are different/ different backgrounds/ religious. They also don’t have much of a curriculum for any religion. So for these reasons I feel my son would benefit more at a Catholic High school.

Now this came in conversation with mum friends who said it would be unfair and selfish to send my son there as someone in the area might lose a space because of it.
I do understand what they are saying, as apparently it is the best free high school in the city and also apparently better at dealing with bullying etc.
I did not know all this when I first talked about sending my son to Catholic high school although I did assume bullying would be less of an issue.
My friends also asked if I’m ok with non Catholic primary school why I would be less ok with a non Catholic high school.

So I have a few questions
1: AIBU to send my son to Catholic High School, is it better kept for kids in that area?
2: would he even get a space?
3: are we better off making Catholic primary school work (I’m thinking I could help teach our religion at that age but would it really be enough?)
4: why is there such a difference when both schools are free? It’s right that it doesn’t seem fair that the quality of teaching and dealing with bullying etc seems better in the Catholic school when on should be that same for all schools?!! (Doesn’t seem to differ like that in Catholic versus non Catholic primary schools)

Thanks 🙏

Round where I live to get into a catholic school you need to be baptised and live in the catchment area. The Catholic primary schools are then feeder schools for the high school

Its 10 years away. The schools could have completely different set ups by then.

Depending where you live due to demographic changes e.g. fall in birth rate when your son gets old enough to go to school he may get in if you apply simply because there are not enough children in the wider area regardless of the religion you are.

(There is actually a thread elsewhere on MN were someone who lives in London nearest available space for their child is in a Catholic primary school and they are not Catholic. )

Oh and heads change over the years which means schools change, so like a PP pointed out the schools will be different by then.

Oh we are not in zoned area for any of the Catholic schools!

how difficult would it be to get a place at a Catholic primary school not on your area?

and are there any cases when a kid doesn’t go to Catholic primary school but still gets into the High school?

I know but it was just an interesting and confusing question and I supposed I always wondered in general if my friends are right that it would be unfair and selfish to send my son there :/

Your baby is 1! Stop thinking about secondary school and stop discussing it. The schools could be completely different by then. No one can say whether it’ll still be oversubscribed, what their admissions criteria will be and how other schools in the area will be performing.

However, for primary and presuming you have a choice then I’d always choose the closest good school. It’s better for playdates when you live locally and personally I think it’s nice if you can walk rather than drive.

You need to look at the admission criteria for the schools.
It isn't unfair to take a place if your child qualified above someone else. A school can decide it's own admission criteria.
You do what you think is right for your child as long as it is within the rules.

That’s a good point about people living near by, as they might not physically be able to get to another school!

also I find it frustrating in general that the Catholic high school is not only the only one in the city , but the only Catholic high school in that area.

it’s unfair Both sides as
1: genuine catholic may not get a space
2: people in that area might not even particularly want a Catholic High school, but don’t have a choice.

for some reason all the Catholic primary schools have a non Catholic right near it too

well, I would never send my child to a school that believes that he was born a sinner. And all the other stuff Catholics believe. But then again I am not catholic, or in fact religion and actively opposed to raising children under the rules or organised religion rather than letting them chose for themselves, so I am not a great person to ask.

I do think YABU to be worrying about secondary school already.

The admissions criteria is what it is and if you come higher up on the list than someone else then you wouldn’t be ‘taking a space’ from anyone unless an error has been made. I don’t follow what your friends are saying at all.

But really this is too far in the future to think about as things can change a lot in a decade!

Totally respect your opinion and yes I know I’m over thinking lol - it’s just it came up in conversation with other mum friends, one of them had started by saying all the babies could end up in the same high school etc and when o said oh unless I send dear son to Catholic etc and that is basically when they all said it would be unfair and selfish and i guess that is the specific part I am overthinking. I hate offending and upsetting people and i feel so bad and uncomfortable about the conversation:/

Ok thanks. I Know it’s too far ahead lol.
Also my son might even decide Catholicism is not for him but I I am an overthinker which is probably my biggest issue here!

I went to a private catholic junior school and a catholic secondary school. The thought then (I’m 51) was that they were better as they were stricter than other schools. This was probably true, partly due to the fact that there were nuns and you’d get lines and hit for minor infractions. I got 300 lines as a nine year old for something that happened when I was off school. “For screaming and shouting in the dining room I am writing this out 300 times”.

@Wotsitmom2022 we have several Catholic primary schools near us. The better ones you would definitely need to be in the catchment area. As I said these then feed into the high schools - we have 3 2 of which are rated outstanding. One of the outstanding ones is the feeder school for the primary at the top of my road yet the high school is a good 15/20 minutes away - there’s a school bus. The 3rd high school (not rated outstanding) is never over subscribed and takes kids of all faiths. As previous poster said things can change in 10 years ! But the 2 outstanding high schools have been rated good/ outstanding near me have not changed in the past 15 years

Thank you. Everyone here seems to have a different view to my friends. That makes me feel less bad thank you

So true :)

Ah good point about play dates.!

As a Catholic why on earth would it be unfair to send your child to a Catholic school? It's far worse when people pretend to be religious to get them into the school. As pp have said, look at the admissions criteria. Generally though, after looked after children the next priority on the list are baptised children who attend the Catholic feeder schools. You may well have to have a letter from your parish priest to say DC is baptised and possibly also that you attend church-all of which you have done. I'd read the admissions criteria and if possible chat to anyone with children there to find out if it is oversubscribed and whether they have a siblings priority. Nothing you are doing is unfair to anyone. FWIW although you are looking far ahead, I totally understand why you would want to make plans. Good luck.

A school can decide to be for example
a) of faith in parish, then others in parish, then of faith elsewhere then others
or
b) of faith in parish, of faith elsewhere, others in parish, others elsewhere
It is up to them.

There may be all sorts of criteria such as Catholics, other Christians, other faiths, others. You will need to check the faith requirements, as they may require baptism, first communion, regular worship etc. They have to be tangible and measurable.

You would need to look nearer the time as things can change but it would very much depends if faith criteria is placed ahead of local catchment/distance as to whether you would qualify for a place. If it is there is no harm listing it as your preference and taking a place if offered, if not you may still get a place more locally but do include the schools you might choose/qualify for a place based on past years.

The high schools near us have a bad reputation for bullying especially kids who are different/ different backgrounds/ religious. They also don’t have much of a curriculum for any religion

Schools, Catholic or otherwise, follow the same national curriculum. Religious studies teaching is part of that.

I would be clear what you are getting by sending your child to a Catholic school as opposed to a non-faith school. In some schools this is very little.

I would also advise not basing school choices on gossip or "reputations". The junior school my DC went to has a reputation for being rough based on a single incident. That happened 25 years ago.
And even if your local school has a lot of bullying, there is a strong possibility that this might not be the case in 10 years' time. Actually in 10 years' time maybe the Catholic school might be the one with the bullying ...

Hi Catholic here with 4 kids at Catholic schools.
Our local Catholic school had a large catchment area and school places in general are in high demand. One of the main criteria is that you attended one of the Catholic feeder schools.

Not saying this is you but it's to stop all the people who suddenly either find god when their kids hit 11 or couldn't possibly consider anything but a Catholic education for a child from 11 onwards when they realise the non Catholic school they are in catchment for isn't very good.

Where I live the child has to go to a Catholic primary feeder to get a place in the Catholic High school, and to get in to the high they must be a baptised child and have made their first holy communion etc. So there's no way of taking a place from another child unless they meet all the criteria as well.

It depends where you live, some areas parents just pick the Catholic school as it's closest whether they are religious or not, other areas the Catholoc schools are the only decent schools in the area and are hugely over subscribed.

If you want a Catholic primary but live more than 2 miles away they usually provide a free bus.

Oh that’s very good point!!
I guess I just wrongly assumed the Catholic high school would be better for bullying as more accepting and have more catholics etc so better opportunity to continue learning & practicing faith. But you’re right that could change.
I wasn’t aware about other academic performances until my friends brought it up and why they think it is unfair etc. I guess I was more focused on the Catholic side of things and being in an environment which accepted that.
where I grew up there was no Catholic high school. I went Catholic primary then a non religious high school and was bullied for it. I don’t want that for my son :(

Where I live the Catholic (primary) school has such low application rates that for most of the kids its second, third or fourth choice. Nobody wants to go to it, even though it has a good reputation for academic success! So easy to get in, probably even if out of catchment (application criteria puts practicing Catholics at the top of the list). But in other areas I know this isn't the case.