Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want my son to fo to Catholic high school

129 replies

Wotsitmom2022 · 02/05/2023 11:26

Hey all
My son is only 1 so thinking waaaay ahead but it came up in conversation with some mum friends.

I am a Catholic. Always have been. I still go to Church every Sunday and take my son.

Ideally I would love to send him to Both a Catholic primary and a secondary School.
However the Catholic primary schools are further distance and no wrap around care, while the the few near us are non Catholic, but working walking distance and wrap around care. This would be more practical given work etc and DS needing more care as a younger child. Our zoned primary is very open about different religions and will teach about them all, and there are some groups/ activities for younger children I could take him too, also read to him myself etc.

There is only one Catholic High School which we would need to apply to and my son would be older so could take himself etc and wouldn’t no longer need wrap around care etc.
The high schools near us have a bad reputation for bullying especially kids who are different/ different backgrounds/ religious. They also don’t have much of a curriculum for any religion. So for these reasons I feel my son would benefit more at a Catholic High school.

Now this came in conversation with mum friends who said it would be unfair and selfish to send my son there as someone in the area might lose a space because of it.
I do understand what they are saying, as apparently it is the best free high school in the city and also apparently better at dealing with bullying etc.
I did not know all this when I first talked about sending my son to Catholic high school although I did assume bullying would be less of an issue.
My friends also asked if I’m ok with non Catholic primary school why I would be less ok with a non Catholic high school.

So I have a few questions
1: AIBU to send my son to Catholic High School, is it better kept for kids in that area?
2: would he even get a space?
3: are we better off making Catholic primary school work (I’m thinking I could help teach our religion at that age but would it really be enough?)
4: why is there such a difference when both schools are free? It’s right that it doesn’t seem fair that the quality of teaching and dealing with bullying etc seems better in the Catholic school when on should be that same for all schools?!! (Doesn’t seem to differ like that in Catholic versus non Catholic primary schools)

Thanks 🙏

OP posts:
Original poster
Wotsitmom2022 · 02/05/2023 12:15

Iwrote · 02/05/2023 12:10

Where I live the child has to go to a Catholic primary feeder to get a place in the Catholic High school, and to get in to the high they must be a baptised child and have made their first holy communion etc. So there's no way of taking a place from another child unless they meet all the criteria as well.

It depends where you live, some areas parents just pick the Catholic school as it's closest whether they are religious or not, other areas the Catholoc schools are the only decent schools in the area and are hugely over subscribed.

If you want a Catholic primary but live more than 2 miles away they usually provide a free bus.

Oh my goodness a bus! That would be great :)
Although we might not get wrap around care so may need to consider a child minder….
I get that there are those in the area who might not choose Catholic but can’t get to other schools. And I guess I won’t know if oversubscribed until then!

OP posts:
Original poster
Wotsitmom2022 · 02/05/2023 12:16

RobinStrike · 02/05/2023 11:53

As a Catholic why on earth would it be unfair to send your child to a Catholic school? It's far worse when people pretend to be religious to get them into the school. As pp have said, look at the admissions criteria. Generally though, after looked after children the next priority on the list are baptised children who attend the Catholic feeder schools. You may well have to have a letter from your parish priest to say DC is baptised and possibly also that you attend church-all of which you have done. I'd read the admissions criteria and if possible chat to anyone with children there to find out if it is oversubscribed and whether they have a siblings priority. Nothing you are doing is unfair to anyone. FWIW although you are looking far ahead, I totally understand why you would want to make plans. Good luck.

Thank you 😊

OP posts:
ILoveToSquanderPromise · 02/05/2023 12:17

Totally depends on the admissions criteria. Round here for Catholic primary the child needs to be baptised, live in the parish boundary and go to mass 4 times a month for 18 months before applying. Siblings might get away with only going 3 times a month to mass.

The secondary takes Catholic children from feeder schools (one which is 10 miles away), then other local Catholic children from non-feeders. There's usually a bunch of kids joining the primary feeder schools in year 5/6 as although the amount of non-feeder kids can be as many as 15 some years, it's not guaranteed and disrance to school becomes a factor.

PortiasBiscuit · 02/05/2023 12:17

Are you concerned that he won’t be indoctrinated enough by the church.. double dose at school required?

Pinkdelight3 · 02/05/2023 12:24

The high schools near us have a bad reputation for bullying especially kids who are different/ different backgrounds/ religious.

This sounds like hearsay. I highly doubt your DC would get bullied for being a catholic. How would anyone even know?

alpaca44 · 02/05/2023 12:25

It’s definitely not too early to think about secondary school! You do need to plan ahead and do lots of research. If it’s really important to you, you could consider moving into the catchment area (although for an oversubscribed school this is no guarantee of a place). Check the admissions criteria for the school.

ClaraThePigeon · 02/05/2023 12:28

I guess I just wrongly assumed the Catholic high school would be better for bullying as more accepting and have more catholics etc so better opportunity to continue learning & practicing faith. But you’re right that could change.

I attended 3 Catholic schools. I was bullied terribly in all of them. They're really no different in that respect.

ohtowinthelottery · 02/05/2023 12:30

Something else to consider re choice of Primary school is how will prep work for First Holy communion work if they're not at Catholic primary. I went to a Catholic Primary and Middle school and all prep for 1st Communion and Confirmation was done in RE lessons at school. How would that work in your Parish if your child was at non denominational school?

redskylight · 02/05/2023 12:33

I went Catholic primary then a non religious high school and was bullied for it. I don’t want that for my son :(

You can't protect against everything your child might be bullied for.
What you can do is pick a school with a strong bullying policy, that actually follows it, and teach your child coping strategies for if a situation arises.

I was bullied at my C of E primary school for not being Christian. I'm not sure faith schools are per se any better at managing bullying than others (although I agree it's less likely you will be bullied for being a Catholic at a Catholic school).

Pinkdelight3 · 02/05/2023 12:34

I guess I just wrongly assumed the Catholic high school would be better for bullying as more accepting and have more catholics etc so better opportunity to continue learning & practicing faith.

It tends to be much more down to strictness than because the religious nature means the cohort is channelling Jesus's values, learning and being kinder. Teens are teens and bullying happens in all schools. It's not about finding a place where it doesn't happen, it's about a place dealing with bullying better.

I get that this is a bit abstract in response to the mums' conversation, but while it is wise to plan ahead (in terms of house moves/school catchments etc), you're very much in the baby bubble and the reality will be very different to some dream of all going to the same school or any notion of fairness. You'll send your DC to the best school (in your view, when you've looked around them all and weighed up all pros and cons) you can get them into. You'll have much more sense of what the schools are really like by then and much more sense of what your DC are really like and what kind of school they'd thrive at.

TheWelshposter · 02/05/2023 12:37

I went to Catholic school, as did most of my friends and family. There was bullying in all of them, no idea why a Catholic school would be different than any others.

BravoMyDear · 02/05/2023 12:43

I would’ve thought it was more important to go to catholic primary so that you can learn about receive your sacraments? I remember first confession, first communion and confirmation being a big part of my primary school life.

Oblomov23 · 02/05/2023 12:53

Ds2 is still at Catholic secondary. Ds1 just left for Uni. Both Catholic primary and secondary's in Surrey are not just superb but top, so sought after. You need to check out where on the list you are, because ds1 was already there, ds2 became group 2 as a sibling in (1 of the 6 feeders). (Group 1 being looked after chikdrrn do not that many). so I was almost guaranteed entry. I'd reconsider your feeder school, despite the work issues.

Plus I disagree with most posters, in many catholics, heads stay for ages, and they prep the deputy to take over for years. And the diocese would often not allow standards to drop. So if it's good now, those that say you can't tell what it will be like in 10 years, may be wrong.

siestaingsnake · 02/05/2023 12:54

How would you work the Sacraments if the child does not go to a RC primary school?

LlynTegid · 02/05/2023 12:56

I'm not sure about travelling a distance for primary school. Check about the secondary school requirements though.

Original poster
Wotsitmom2022 · 02/05/2023 12:58

@siestaingsnake
@BravoMyDear
i guess that is something I need to look into and ask at my church.
i have several nephews and neices who have made first holy communion out with school.
but I agree it would make more sense to go to a Catholic Primary school. And there might be some life change we could make for that. (Although easier said than down) I was more thinking if we couldn’t make Catholic primary work, but for sure it would be the preference

OP posts:
LadyHag · 02/05/2023 13:03

A Catholic high school is no less prone to bullying than any other high school.

The Catholic high school very near us is mover above RI in Ofsted and frequently drops into special measures. It constantly has places in every year group as parents look to move their children out of it.

As other posters have mentioned, look for a school that has a robust bullying policy and is open about how they tackle bullying.

A high school that says they don't have bullying is extremely likely to be fibbing - teenagers are teenagers and there will be issues, it is not whether a school has had bullying (they all will have at some point) but how they deal with it that you need to look at.

Also if a high school is part of an academy / MAT try to find out how that academy / Mat is managed as there are some brilliant ones and some shocking ones that are there to financially plunder schools.

sesquipedalian · 02/05/2023 13:04

If you are a Catholic, then it’s not remotely unreasonable to want to send your child to the Catholic Hugh school. As far as sending your child to any school is concerned, though, go and look at them with an open mind, and see which one you think would be the best fit for your child. Don’t worry about whether or not you live farther away than other parents - your child needs you to do what is best for them, and as a Catholic, it is more than reasonable that you would want your child to go to that school. You do need to find out what the entry criteria are, though - is it an advantage to go to one of the Catholic primary schools, or doesn’t it make any difference? The Catholic School my children went to was concerned far more about whether you went to church than which primary you went to, so find out.

CurlewKate · 02/05/2023 13:07

The idea of state funded faith schools is inherently unfair. But if you are-and always have been a Catholic and intend to raise your child a Catholic, it's not unfair for you to use the system that exists. To maintain friendly relationships with other parents though, it might be advisable to emphasise your desire for a faith based education, rather than how much better the Catholic school is at non religious things!

Hmmph · 02/05/2023 13:09

It's not really too early to be thinking about it.

Look at the current admission criteria for the Catholic secondary and see if it is oversubscribed currently. If it is, does it give priority to those who go the the Catholic Primary schools. If so, you'll need to think about sending your child there. Look at the Primary admission criteria and make sure you qualify.

You have to apply by Oct the year before your child starts, so usually when they are still 3. That's only a couple of years and for a massive decision for your child's life, probably not to early.

Also, do what is best for your child and your family. That is what every other parent will be doing and will continue to do...

mynameiscalypso · 02/05/2023 13:11

I don't really understand what your friends mean by it being unfair. If you meet the admissions criteria, why wouldn't you apply? My DS is starting Catholic primary school in Sept and we are just as entitled to a place as anyone else who has applied. It's normally very oversubscribed but I don't feel guilty for taking a place from someone else!

PuttingOnTheKitsch · 02/05/2023 13:17

Some odd comments here. It's not too early to be thinking about it, especially if you are thinking of moving house within the next three years. Since you are actually Catholic it would make sense to want your child to attend a Catholic school.

Semtee · 02/05/2023 13:18

redskylight · 02/05/2023 12:03

The high schools near us have a bad reputation for bullying especially kids who are different/ different backgrounds/ religious. They also don’t have much of a curriculum for any religion

Schools, Catholic or otherwise, follow the same national curriculum. Religious studies teaching is part of that.

I would be clear what you are getting by sending your child to a Catholic school as opposed to a non-faith school. In some schools this is very little.

I would also advise not basing school choices on gossip or "reputations". The junior school my DC went to has a reputation for being rough based on a single incident. That happened 25 years ago.
And even if your local school has a lot of bullying, there is a strong possibility that this might not be the case in 10 years' time. Actually in 10 years' time maybe the Catholic school might be the one with the bullying ...

There is no national curriculum for primary RE. Generally your county will have a programme you can follow but that can be intermingled with a programme from your diocese. A lot of C of E schools for example follow Understanding Christianity so end up spending more time on Christianity at the expense of other religions than a non-denominational school might. Twinkl has bucket loads of Catholic RE resources which I imagine are used almost exclusively in Catholic schools.

Dixiechickonhols · 02/05/2023 13:19

Your church will do prep for communion etc.
Presumably he’s baptised.
When time comes to apply to primary look at all local schools and admissions criteria. By then I think all schools will need to have wrap around. Same with high school.
We hated the in demand Catholic High school went to see it yr 5 and yr 6.
Schools change, children have different needs.

Dixiechickonhols · 02/05/2023 13:21

Catholic high has compulsory re gcse but mine chose it anyway at the none Catholic school.
DC went to a catholic primary where majority were not catholic. Only 4 in class did communion. Was 40% Muslim intake.