To want my son to fo to Catholic high school

[Wotsitmom2022]

Hey all
My son is only 1 so thinking waaaay ahead but it came up in conversation with some mum friends.

I am a Catholic. Always have been. I still go to Church every Sunday and take my son.

Ideally I would love to send him to Both a Catholic primary and a secondary School.
However the Catholic primary schools are further distance and no wrap around care, while the the few near us are non Catholic, but working walking distance and wrap around care. This would be more practical given work etc and DS needing more care as a younger child. Our zoned primary is very open about different religions and will teach about them all, and there are some groups/ activities for younger children I could take him too, also read to him myself etc.

There is only one Catholic High School which we would need to apply to and my son would be older so could take himself etc and wouldn’t no longer need wrap around care etc.
The high schools near us have a bad reputation for bullying especially kids who are different/ different backgrounds/ religious. They also don’t have much of a curriculum for any religion. So for these reasons I feel my son would benefit more at a Catholic High school.

Now this came in conversation with mum friends who said it would be unfair and selfish to send my son there as someone in the area might lose a space because of it.
I do understand what they are saying, as apparently it is the best free high school in the city and also apparently better at dealing with bullying etc.
I did not know all this when I first talked about sending my son to Catholic high school although I did assume bullying would be less of an issue.
My friends also asked if I’m ok with non Catholic primary school why I would be less ok with a non Catholic high school.

So I have a few questions
1: AIBU to send my son to Catholic High School, is it better kept for kids in that area?
2: would he even get a space?
3: are we better off making Catholic primary school work (I’m thinking I could help teach our religion at that age but would it really be enough?)
4: why is there such a difference when both schools are free? It’s right that it doesn’t seem fair that the quality of teaching and dealing with bullying etc seems better in the Catholic school when on should be that same for all schools?!! (Doesn’t seem to differ like that in Catholic versus non Catholic primary schools)

Thanks 🙏

You should talk to the school to see if not attending a Catholic feeder school would cause problems - as you say, you have the option of using a childminder for afterschool care if you send him to a Catholic school.

And you're definitely not "stealing' a place from another child!

YANBU for wanting him to go there, your friends are insane. But whether he’d even get in is another question, the best ones in my city fill up from Catholic feeder primary schools and baptised children who live very nearby.

Thanks all. It is nice to know I won’t be stealing a place from another child.

indidnt realise how oversubscribed Catholic schools can become. I really don’t know that many Catholic’s out with going to church and my family.

But I will definitely look into criteria’s for my area etc

Good advice I will ask thank you

Thanks I couldn’t work out if I was the insane one. I left feeling like I had done something wrong. I’ve been losing sleep over that feeling!

oh I see your point re friends I wasn’t like rubbing it on or anything, and to be fair I did only bring it up regarding Catholic faith
It started when one of my friends said something about how all our babies might be at high school together and all I said was unless I send mine to Catholic school (they know I’m a practicing Catholic so I didn’t need to say anything else)
it was my friends who then brought up other performances and then went on about it. I don’t really say anything. I’m not confrontational so
I was left feeling so bad :/

Your friend is not a friend telling you what you should and should not do. Its your child - your decisions make sense to me and you need to do what you think is best for your child. I would go cold on the friendship - their opinions are unwanted.

are we better off making Catholic primary school work (I’m thinking I could help teach our religion at that age but would it really be enough?)

If your religion is so important to you, then surely its tenets will be the basis of your domestic life and teaching from you AND DH, regardless of age and which school your child attends?

If you go to church you will be able to confine with the priest which catholic schools fall under your parish.

The catchment for catholic schools is different, it is generally my catholic feeder schools and then those baptised within the parish.

Your entire church community , priest (and family) are surely better placed to advise you about local Catholic schools/education , than people of other or no religions on MN?

Ok so I’m probably over thinking this, and as some have said things could change, but I guess I thought being in Catholic high school would be good to be surrounded by more Catholic’s and more accepted for your religion, and having more of a religious curriculum.

my primary was Catholic but my high school wasn’t. I was bullied for being Catholic.
i was able to pick a higher religious education class in high school, and a few others did too but they all switched to something else early on. It was so lonely

Yes but there have been some people on here who have been through the process , or maybe there would be someone who had the same scenario..
soemtiems it’s nice to chat on here too :)

Catholic schools are faith schools so priority should be given to a child of that faith, not some one local who isn’t a Catholic.

Look at both primary and high school admissions policies, Most will give preference to Catholics in parish first but then Catholics from other parishes before non Catholics within catchment.

My DD got accepted at her primary school under her Catholic faith when we lived 30 miles away at the time. She was given priority over non Catholics in area.

The high school she is going to prioritises Catholics from the feeder schools, but non Catholics from those feeder schools won’t get priority over a Catholic from out of area.

I think it's unlikely that a child would be bullied for being a Catholic these days. And RE is quite a popular GCSE among those of all faiths and none. Both my atheist children did and enjoyed it and one went on to do a theology degree.

As mentioned by pp, catholic primaries are generally the feeder schools for Catholic secondaries/high school. Tbh you should look at what the school can offer your son and if you think he would be happy there. Wrap around care is a great option to have & given his age, the Catholic primary may have wrap around care in place by the time he starts. It's a serious consideration as getting a good childminder is really hard. There's no guarantee that he will get a place if it's oversubscribed so I'd keep all options open. A lot can change between starting & leaving primary school. It goes without saying that your son needs to be baptised & regularly at Mass.

IME the Catholic primaries requiring proof of worship and baptism certificate have a wider catchment so you'd be better off checking that first as you may find you are actually in it although it isn't close

They are also the feeder for the Catholic secondary - of which looking at intake statistics it's near impossible to get into without attending a feeder (ofsted outstanding)

I specifically chose a Catholic primary so that my children would get into the secondary as really didn't want the stress of worrying about other catchment schools

If attending a catholic church is higher on the admissions criteria than distance to school then you're not 'taking a space from someone who deserves it more'. At least you're an actual church-goer unlike plenty of parents I've heard of who attend church for a few years just to get into a certain school then immediately stop attending once the kids are in.

As a genuine practicing Catholic (ie not someone who goes to mass for 6 months to get their application rubber stamped) you will be in the minority in most areas and absolutely not in the wrong for selecting a Catholic school for your child.

Hey, we're in a similar position to you in that our catholic school is in another town. The school has a ranking system for application - practicing Catholics, baptised Catholics who may not be practising, other denomination Christians followed by everyone else. Think that additional needs trumps everything as well.
I don't feel guilty for sending them. The Christian ethos was important to me and I'm really glad we went there.

I have to say, it's refreshing to hear from someone who wants a Catholic education who has been a Catholic for more than three and a half weeks!

As a mother or as parents you have to decide what best for your child or children. I know in the UK catholic schools in some areas have a good reputation for education and pastoral care. That's why some people will suddenly find region in order to get their children into that school. Look at the Motherland episode to see this.

I live in Ireland and the majority of our schools are catholic. Most people will go to the local secondary school. In some cases you can have a few secondary schools in the same town so you can have a choice of which school to send them to. Children start secondary school here at 12 or 13. Some schools might not take a child until they are 13.

I know of one lady who decided not to send her child to her nearest secondary school. Her child had been bullied in primary school and she did not want them in the same secondary school as the bullies. Her child has done their 1st year in a Catholic secondary school in a big town a few miles away from them. This school won't take children till they are 13 and is a popular school because of the exam results and good pupil care.
Her child has settled into the school, like the new subjects and has friends.
They are a far happier child than they were 12 months ago.

In regards to schools I would keep an open mind and see what your child is like as they get older. I have seen some poor schools turn around with a good principal and the retirement of older teachers means they can recruit better and sometimes younger teacher's. The secondary school were I grew up was poor but now is great school due to this happening.

As a mother or as parents you have to decide what best for your child or children. I know in the UK catholic schools in some areas have a good reputation for education and pastoral care. That's why some people will suddenly find region in order to get their children into that school. Look at the Motherland episode to see this.

I live in Ireland and the majority of our schools are catholic. Most people will go to the local secondary school. In some cases you can have a few secondary schools in the same town so you can have a choice of which school to send them to. Children start secondary school here at 12 or 13. Some schools might not take a child until they are 13.

I know of one lady who decided not to send her child to her nearest secondary school. Her child had been bullied in primary school and she did not want them in the same secondary school as the bullies. Her child has done their 1st year in a Catholic secondary school in a big town a few miles away from them. This school won't take children till they are 13 and is a popular school because of the exam results and good pupil care.
Her child has settled into the school, like the new subjects and has friends.
They are a far happier child than they were 12 months ago.

In regards to schools I would keep an open mind and see what your child is like as they get older. I have seen some poor schools turn around with a good principal and the retirement of older teachers means they can recruit better and sometimes younger teacher's. The secondary school were I grew up was poor but now is great school due to this happening.

Thanks
I was in a Catholic primary school and from my class 3 other families went to church regularly (when I go back to my home town the same 3 still going!)
and I think 3 others who went from time to time.
nobody else in the class was Catholic but there were a few kids who joined throughout who had been expelled from other schools. I somehow don’t think my primary was oversubscribed. Some classes had way less kids than others. But there was a another school across the road.

Thank you this is good advice.
im glad that your friends child settled in the new school.

I know someone in a similar position but is paying for private school. Their child is now settled and happy and they’ve now had triplets and hopping they don’t have issues at school as they can’t afford to send all kids private!