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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want my son to fo to Catholic high school

129 replies

Wotsitmom2022 · 02/05/2023 11:26

Hey all
My son is only 1 so thinking waaaay ahead but it came up in conversation with some mum friends.

I am a Catholic. Always have been. I still go to Church every Sunday and take my son.

Ideally I would love to send him to Both a Catholic primary and a secondary School.
However the Catholic primary schools are further distance and no wrap around care, while the the few near us are non Catholic, but working walking distance and wrap around care. This would be more practical given work etc and DS needing more care as a younger child. Our zoned primary is very open about different religions and will teach about them all, and there are some groups/ activities for younger children I could take him too, also read to him myself etc.

There is only one Catholic High School which we would need to apply to and my son would be older so could take himself etc and wouldn’t no longer need wrap around care etc.
The high schools near us have a bad reputation for bullying especially kids who are different/ different backgrounds/ religious. They also don’t have much of a curriculum for any religion. So for these reasons I feel my son would benefit more at a Catholic High school.

Now this came in conversation with mum friends who said it would be unfair and selfish to send my son there as someone in the area might lose a space because of it.
I do understand what they are saying, as apparently it is the best free high school in the city and also apparently better at dealing with bullying etc.
I did not know all this when I first talked about sending my son to Catholic high school although I did assume bullying would be less of an issue.
My friends also asked if I’m ok with non Catholic primary school why I would be less ok with a non Catholic high school.

So I have a few questions
1: AIBU to send my son to Catholic High School, is it better kept for kids in that area?
2: would he even get a space?
3: are we better off making Catholic primary school work (I’m thinking I could help teach our religion at that age but would it really be enough?)
4: why is there such a difference when both schools are free? It’s right that it doesn’t seem fair that the quality of teaching and dealing with bullying etc seems better in the Catholic school when on should be that same for all schools?!! (Doesn’t seem to differ like that in Catholic versus non Catholic primary schools)

Thanks 🙏

OP posts:
Original poster
Wotsitmom2022 · 03/05/2023 10:10

TheGoogleMum · 03/05/2023 09:53

Other mums are unreasonable there's nothing unfair about sending a Catholic child to a Catholic school. As many PP have said it's way too early to worry about though!

thank you

i guess I’m partly worrying now because I might need to figure something else out re primary school! :/

OP posts:
Original poster
Wotsitmom2022 · 03/05/2023 10:14

Dobby123456 · 03/05/2023 09:39

That's not what she said at all. There are practical problems with sending him to the local Catholic school when he's still small.

You're right to be thinking this through early on, OP. I think you should check out your local Catholic primary school and think of possible solutions. It's really important that you are happy with your child's school, even if that means you have to go out of your way. Would it be in your budget to hire a childminder to pick him up from school?

Show quote history

The childminder is something in consideration. But I guess that would depend on if there was a childminder available then that could cater to school run.
had initially looked up childminder for son now but couldn’t find anyone in area with the right hours so we’ve gone with nursery.
bit if we find one then for sure would happily go with that. It might cost more than wrap around care but not enough to cause a problem, and it would still be nowhere near current nursery fees!

OP posts:
OrderOfTheKookaburra · 03/05/2023 10:18

As soon as you choose to do something different with your child compared to what they do with theirs, many people take it as a criticism of their choice rather than looking it as you being free to do whatever you want. It's the nature of people.

mondaytosunday · 03/05/2023 10:27

My son didn't get in to ANY of the four nearest state schools we applied to. The catholic school nearest to us was the second closest, and I happen to be Catholic, though my son had not been christened. There was no chance due to distance.
I think if the Catholic school is better than the nearest state then you have a real battle - they only reserve a set amount for those of that religion, and if they have a sibling and needs based acceptance policy you are unlikely to be successful if it's an oversubscribed school already - I suspect that given it's a state school there are other factors that trump religion.
As for your son taking a place away from someone else - the school decides so alls fair.
Personally I don't think there should be any religious affiliation with a state funded school, but that's another thread for another day.

ProbablyNotMad · 03/05/2023 10:27

You do what is best for your child, don't worry what others say. A lot of the time it is jealousy.

We're Catholic and in West London. My son went to a lovely Catholic primary with modern buildings and great funding and ethos. It had much more of a community feel than the non Catholic local primaries. They taught RE as part of the National Curriculum and did prayers in assembly but things like Holy Communion is done through the church so don't worry if your son doesn't end up at a Catholic primary school. He will do Sunday school at your church and do his sacraments there.

When we were looking at high schools for my son we had the choice of 8 outstanding schools from a large area because practicing Catholic was a higher criteria than catchment and he would get into a far away school over a non Catholic that lived next door to it. My Athiest friend's boy only had the option of the 2 very local schools that he fell into catchment for. We checked out all the schools and our favourite that would suit our son best was actually a Church of England school and he got into that easily as a Christian denomination. It has been a lovely supportive place, with excellent enrichment opportunities and he is doing brilliantly.

It all comes down the the school's application criteria and and if you tick the boxes to be higher up in the list then make the most of it. If being a practicing Catholic gives you a lot more choice for schools for your child then why would you not make the most of it? You may not pick a Catholic school in the end but the important thing is finding the right school that your child will thrive in.

Womencanlift · 03/05/2023 10:35

As the OP is in Scotland it is not as easy to pick the school you want. The system is very different and school places are primarily allocated to feeder primary schools. Yes you can put in a placement request but these will be reviewed after feeder school places are allocated. That is why primary school choice is important

Mummacake · 03/05/2023 12:44

Wotsitmom2022 · 03/05/2023 10:14

The childminder is something in consideration. But I guess that would depend on if there was a childminder available then that could cater to school run.
had initially looked up childminder for son now but couldn’t find anyone in area with the right hours so we’ve gone with nursery.
bit if we find one then for sure would happily go with that. It might cost more than wrap around care but not enough to cause a problem, and it would still be nowhere near current nursery fees!

Show quote history

It's worth contacting the primary school and ask if they know if or have a list of local childminders who do school drop/collections. You won't be the only parent who needs this and it's worth getting someone lined up early on especially if the school has a nursery.
You wouldn't be taking anyone's elses place at the high school so please ignore anyone who says this.

Original poster
Wotsitmom2022 · 04/05/2023 08:21

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 03/05/2023 10:18

As soon as you choose to do something different with your child compared to what they do with theirs, many people take it as a criticism of their choice rather than looking it as you being free to do whatever you want. It's the nature of people.

Oh that does happen. Maybe they’ll forget about it soon.

:/

OP posts:
Original poster
Wotsitmom2022 · 04/05/2023 08:21

Mummacake · 03/05/2023 12:44

It's worth contacting the primary school and ask if they know if or have a list of local childminders who do school drop/collections. You won't be the only parent who needs this and it's worth getting someone lined up early on especially if the school has a nursery.
You wouldn't be taking anyone's elses place at the high school so please ignore anyone who says this.

Show quote history

Oh good idea thanks 🙏

OP posts:
Original poster
Wotsitmom2022 · 04/05/2023 08:22

Womencanlift · 03/05/2023 10:35

As the OP is in Scotland it is not as easy to pick the school you want. The system is very different and school places are primarily allocated to feeder primary schools. Yes you can put in a placement request but these will be reviewed after feeder school places are allocated. That is why primary school choice is important

Oh thanks, these are things I’m not so aware of! Think we need to make primary work then!

OP posts:
Original poster
Wotsitmom2022 · 04/05/2023 08:23

ProbablyNotMad · 03/05/2023 10:27

You do what is best for your child, don't worry what others say. A lot of the time it is jealousy.

We're Catholic and in West London. My son went to a lovely Catholic primary with modern buildings and great funding and ethos. It had much more of a community feel than the non Catholic local primaries. They taught RE as part of the National Curriculum and did prayers in assembly but things like Holy Communion is done through the church so don't worry if your son doesn't end up at a Catholic primary school. He will do Sunday school at your church and do his sacraments there.

When we were looking at high schools for my son we had the choice of 8 outstanding schools from a large area because practicing Catholic was a higher criteria than catchment and he would get into a far away school over a non Catholic that lived next door to it. My Athiest friend's boy only had the option of the 2 very local schools that he fell into catchment for. We checked out all the schools and our favourite that would suit our son best was actually a Church of England school and he got into that easily as a Christian denomination. It has been a lovely supportive place, with excellent enrichment opportunities and he is doing brilliantly.

It all comes down the the school's application criteria and and if you tick the boxes to be higher up in the list then make the most of it. If being a practicing Catholic gives you a lot more choice for schools for your child then why would you not make the most of it? You may not pick a Catholic school in the end but the important thing is finding the right school that your child will thrive in.

Oh very wise words thank you.
yes that’s true, at the end of the day I really need to do what’s best for my child thank you 🙏

OP posts:
Dibblydoodahdah · 04/05/2023 08:25

The Catholic high school that we are in catchment for covers a huge area. In fact, it’s actually in the next county to us as we live close to the border! I really don’t see what the problem is. If you meet the criteria, your child can go. You are Catholic, you go to Church every week and presumably your child is baptised Catholic. They have every right to go to Catholic school. Your “friends” are just annoyed because they don’t have that option!

Original poster
Wotsitmom2022 · 04/05/2023 08:27

mondaytosunday · 03/05/2023 10:27

My son didn't get in to ANY of the four nearest state schools we applied to. The catholic school nearest to us was the second closest, and I happen to be Catholic, though my son had not been christened. There was no chance due to distance.
I think if the Catholic school is better than the nearest state then you have a real battle - they only reserve a set amount for those of that religion, and if they have a sibling and needs based acceptance policy you are unlikely to be successful if it's an oversubscribed school already - I suspect that given it's a state school there are other factors that trump religion.
As for your son taking a place away from someone else - the school decides so alls fair.
Personally I don't think there should be any religious affiliation with a state funded school, but that's another thread for another day.

Thank you 🙏 I respect your opinion. To be honest I wish all state funded schools, religious or not, were as good as each other. They should be.

OP posts:
Original poster
Wotsitmom2022 · 04/05/2023 08:30

Dibblydoodahdah · 04/05/2023 08:25

The Catholic high school that we are in catchment for covers a huge area. In fact, it’s actually in the next county to us as we live close to the border! I really don’t see what the problem is. If you meet the criteria, your child can go. You are Catholic, you go to Church every week and presumably your child is baptised Catholic. They have every right to go to Catholic school. Your “friends” are just annoyed because they don’t have that option!

Thank you 🙏
There is only one Catholic High School in my city!
it’s actually a shorter walk than any of the other high schools!

OP posts:
sashh · 04/05/2023 08:45

ClaraThePigeon · 02/05/2023 12:28

I guess I just wrongly assumed the Catholic high school would be better for bullying as more accepting and have more catholics etc so better opportunity to continue learning & practicing faith. But you’re right that could change.

I attended 3 Catholic schools. I was bullied terribly in all of them. They're really no different in that respect.

I think they can be even worse.

At mine it wasn't enough to be RC, the hierarchy included how many Irish relatives you had.

OP

Stop thinking about it, you don't even know if the schools will exist in 10 years time, or if there is another option.

Original poster
Wotsitmom2022 · 04/05/2023 09:25

sashh · 04/05/2023 08:45

I think they can be even worse.

At mine it wasn't enough to be RC, the hierarchy included how many Irish relatives you had.

OP

Stop thinking about it, you don't even know if the schools will exist in 10 years time, or if there is another option.

Show quote history

Thank you. I know high school is a far way off.
I initially came here because my friends thought I was unfair and selfish to even consider it.
Although I am seeing now I may need to re think primary school. So while high school is a far way off and might not even happen, the outcome could be affected by what happens with primary school which is not as far away as high school…
plus I am an over thinker lol

OP posts:
MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 04/05/2023 09:31

You should move to my area, OP. Even Catholics don't generally want to go to the Catholic High School as it isn't very good!

Given that faith schools exist, yanbu to want to send your ds to a Catholic school. If he is eligible for a place under the school's admissions criteria, then that's fair enough.

Personally, I would scrap state-funded faith schools altogether, but that's a different thread!!

BashirWithTheGoodBeard · 04/05/2023 09:33

Its a Catholic school. Catholics who live closer than you will have higher priority anyway, and there's no reason to assume non-Catholics who also live closer will want their DC at a school for a faith they don't practice.

careerthink · 04/05/2023 09:36

Is it oversubscribed? We would actively avoid a catholic school even if it was nearest, I'm sure many others would, so I wouldn't worry too much.

Original poster
Wotsitmom2022 · 04/05/2023 10:01

careerthink · 04/05/2023 09:36

Is it oversubscribed? We would actively avoid a catholic school even if it was nearest, I'm sure many others would, so I wouldn't worry too much.

I don’t actually know if it’s over subscribed, but it has feeder schools outwits the city though. if every child went form all the feeder schools there is no way they would have space for them all…

OP posts:
Original poster
Wotsitmom2022 · 04/05/2023 10:01

BashirWithTheGoodBeard · 04/05/2023 09:33

Its a Catholic school. Catholics who live closer than you will have higher priority anyway, and there's no reason to assume non-Catholics who also live closer will want their DC at a school for a faith they don't practice.

Yes good point

OP posts:
Original poster
Wotsitmom2022 · 04/05/2023 10:05

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 04/05/2023 09:31

You should move to my area, OP. Even Catholics don't generally want to go to the Catholic High School as it isn't very good!

Given that faith schools exist, yanbu to want to send your ds to a Catholic school. If he is eligible for a place under the school's admissions criteria, then that's fair enough.

Personally, I would scrap state-funded faith schools altogether, but that's a different thread!!

Ok thank you and appreciate your opinion. Thanks 🙏

OP posts:
careerthink · 04/05/2023 10:06

@Wotsitmom2022 you should be able to find out if it's oversubscribed on the local government site

Original poster
Wotsitmom2022 · 04/05/2023 10:48

careerthink · 04/05/2023 10:06

@Wotsitmom2022 you should be able to find out if it's oversubscribed on the local government site

Oh ok thanks 🙏

OP posts:
Ontheperiphery79 · 04/05/2023 14:14

As a committed Catholic, I don't understand why you would even consider a non-Catholic primary school for mere logistical reasons.
If I were raising my child as Catholic, I'd see it as part of that duty for them to be educated within a Catholic school.
However, I'm not a Catholic 'till I die sort of person, so perhaps I lack insight.