To want my son to fo to Catholic high school

[Wotsitmom2022]

Hey all
My son is only 1 so thinking waaaay ahead but it came up in conversation with some mum friends.

I am a Catholic. Always have been. I still go to Church every Sunday and take my son.

Ideally I would love to send him to Both a Catholic primary and a secondary School.
However the Catholic primary schools are further distance and no wrap around care, while the the few near us are non Catholic, but working walking distance and wrap around care. This would be more practical given work etc and DS needing more care as a younger child. Our zoned primary is very open about different religions and will teach about them all, and there are some groups/ activities for younger children I could take him too, also read to him myself etc.

There is only one Catholic High School which we would need to apply to and my son would be older so could take himself etc and wouldn’t no longer need wrap around care etc.
The high schools near us have a bad reputation for bullying especially kids who are different/ different backgrounds/ religious. They also don’t have much of a curriculum for any religion. So for these reasons I feel my son would benefit more at a Catholic High school.

Now this came in conversation with mum friends who said it would be unfair and selfish to send my son there as someone in the area might lose a space because of it.
I do understand what they are saying, as apparently it is the best free high school in the city and also apparently better at dealing with bullying etc.
I did not know all this when I first talked about sending my son to Catholic high school although I did assume bullying would be less of an issue.
My friends also asked if I’m ok with non Catholic primary school why I would be less ok with a non Catholic high school.

So I have a few questions
1: AIBU to send my son to Catholic High School, is it better kept for kids in that area?
2: would he even get a space?
3: are we better off making Catholic primary school work (I’m thinking I could help teach our religion at that age but would it really be enough?)
4: why is there such a difference when both schools are free? It’s right that it doesn’t seem fair that the quality of teaching and dealing with bullying etc seems better in the Catholic school when on should be that same for all schools?!! (Doesn’t seem to differ like that in Catholic versus non Catholic primary schools)

Thanks 🙏

Thank you 😊

But how can you possibly know if your son will be Catholic or not at age 11?

Oh that’s a good idea I’ll ask.
my baby will soon go to nursery as we couldn’t find a child minder who catered to our area so that’s why I’m trying to be accepting of the fact a Catholic primary might not work out.

but I’ll ask about that thanks!

I know and I’ll never force him. But the things I would need to work out sooner are if he was still Catholic would he have benefited from going to Catholic primary or would I have hurt his chances by not sending him. So in that respect I would need to think about primary sooner.
the other thing is would I be unfair and selfish to send him if he is still Catholic.

My DCs go to a Catholic secondary and did not go to any of the (four) Catholic feeders. The Catholic secondary is not our closest, but it is absolutely the best secondary school in the area. The admissions criteria have nothing to do with area, but everything to do with being baptised, having taken first communion, and having the necessary paperwork from a priest.

DH is Catholic and the best high school nearby was the Catholic boys school that DH and all his family attended. We lived far closer to a lovely local secular primary school and for childcare reasons ( among others) that’s where our DC went.

When it came to applying for high school DS1 got a place. We’d ensured he met the criteria in other respects. Two years later DS2 did not get a place as numbers were more limited. We ended up using the independent sector as the state schools were so much worse performing than our first choice.

So beware, the applicants and criteria meeting will change yearly and you might have no control over that. The first criteria after Looked after children is usually those in the feeder schools.

NB none of his friends were at all ‘religious’. They mostly came from families who’d been born into Catholicism. I can’t imagine any bullying elsewhere unless they were behaving in an overtly religious manner.

Thank you. :)
well I guess I can’t be too sure what will happen.

i got bullied in my high school for being Catholic and I didn’t act over religious or anything. But there were some kids from my Catholic primary who went to my high school and they knew I was from one of the only families who went to church every week.

I do remember however that my whole entire class made first holy communion and confirmation!

They are also the feeder for the Catholic secondary - of which looking at intake statistics it's near impossible to get into without attending a feeder (ofsted outstanding)

This will depend on the schools and area. There are several catholic children who attend our church but live and go to non catholic schools in other areas but have still gotten into the same catholic high school as my DD.

My friend also sent her DDs to a non catholic primary for similar reasons as you op, but her oldest dd is going to the catholic high school of choice, different one to my DD, even though she dosnt attend a feeder school.

I am currently attending Communion classes for one of my DCs, there are several parents whose children don’t go to either of the catholic schools that most of the children doing their reconciliation and communion go to. These 2 schools are 2 of the 4 feeder schools into the high school. There have been plenty of conversations around this topic, so far none of them have had issues with older children getting a place at the high school as the schools criteria always priorities Catholic children first.

Although this may well change as there are lots of new build estates and there have been more baptisms this year so far than any other year in the last 10 since our parish priest has been placed here. He says he has another 12 booked in over the coming months. Whether these are genuine Catholics or just doing it for limited school places I don’t know…

Sorry OP I haven’t read every post so maybe this has been covered but where in the country are you? Reason I ask is there are parts of the country where there is a lot of sectarianism and someone who went to a non denominational primary school followed by a Catholic high school would definitely not have an easy time of it

The reaction where I grew up to “what school did you go to” and it not meaning where did you get your education is one of many reasons as to why I think religious background should be kept out of education

Oh and for those who think pastoral care is better at a Catholic school, a teacher in our local one has just been in the news for having a child with a pupil so not completely ideal 🤷‍♀️

Oh my goodness!!

well I guess there will always be people you can’t trust in schools/hospitals any work place etc but we can trust most of them and hopefully we all end up somewhere with people we can trust.

i am in Scotland :)

Oh hopefully it works out for us too.

wow i did not realise baptisms had risen so much. Although I do know a few who attended church for a few months then after getting their babies baptised stopped going… :/

West? If yes then my points stand as that’s where I grew up and went to school and there is definitely a lot of angst between schools and if you went to a non denominational primary and Catholic high school (or vice versa) then you will be noticed

To be fair I was at school years ago and it might have changed now but knowing the culture I very much doubt it’s much better

East :D

The wider area has been very Catholic historically, however there has been a definite shift in the main town/city I grew up in over the last 30+ years, very multicultural. However, the immediate area has remained a very strong Catholic community with an exceptionally strong Catholic history dating right back to the reformation (think lots of priest holes and secret chapels in many buildings).

The sceptic in me thinks the baptisms are school orientated, I had a conversation with 2 mums in a new build estate tonight, neither have had their children baptised but admitted if they hadn’t moved here when they did and moved here now that they would of definitely considered baptism to get their DCs into one of the 2 local Catholic schools.

I think Catholic primary would be better for you. It's just nicer if you are a practicing Catholic.

We get proper nativity and Carol concert at Christmas. A full on Easter passion play in years 3 and 4. Class masses which are lovely with dc doing readings, prayers and hymns. Ash Wednesday everyone gets the ashes. Lent we raise money for Catholic charities. First Holy communion is a really big event for year 3 and whilst you can do it through church it would be nice to do it with your friends. Catholic values permeate everything. RE is often very Catholic with saints and all sorts of explanations that your dc will miss out on at a non-faith school.

I also like that at my church we have a good handful of schools and all our dc go to Catholic schools. Its a real faith community.

I felt so pleased and proud when my ds passed for Catholic grammar school. It was wonderful as an achievement whilst still bringing him up in the faith. He gets a bus there by the way!

The health and social education is also really sensible which you might not expect from a Catholic school.

My advice would be to not discuss school choices with friends. Especially non-catholics who won't understand. If you haven't got a nearby faith primary school I understand why you might opt for a near primary but a further away secondary.

I should mention that the thing that's going to have most impact on their faith is if you live your faith. Take them to church every Sunday. Teach them it's not optional (!). Teach them all the traditions and customs. Teach them to pray. Teach them the Bible. Show them by doing it yourself. Enjoy your faith and show them the benefit you get from it.

I've got no magic answers about raising Catholic children. I figure all I can do is teach them and show them and have good conversations about faith and religious doubts when the time comes. At the end of the day I'm laying down the ground work but they need to build their own faith.

Speaking as a Catholic -

Try to make the RC primary work.

Get in touch with the RC high school to find out their admission criteria. It may be that you will need to send your child to an RC primary to be considered for entry to the RC high school.

If you can't make the RC primary work -
Take your son to Mass with you and get him involved in any children's activities your parish church offers.

Do this anyway.

Don't worry about 'taking someone else's place'.
You are a practicing Catholic; the RC school would be the most suitable given your family culture.

Thanks all for advice. Lots to think about thank you 🙏

This 🙄 though I agree with your friend, you appear to be Catholic when it suits you in terms of your sons education.

What your friend said doesn't make any sense. You might not get in if you live outside the catchment area, but if you do, it's not selfish to take a place at your preferred school!

That's not what she said at all. There are practical problems with sending him to the local Catholic school when he's still small.

You're right to be thinking this through early on, OP. I think you should check out your local Catholic primary school and think of possible solutions. It's really important that you are happy with your child's school, even if that means you have to go out of your way. Would it be in your budget to hire a childminder to pick him up from school?

I wouldn't assume that it being a Catholic school would mean there is less bullying. When I was growing up, the local Catholic school was the only one I knew of to have a kid stabbed in the toilets. Awful awful reputation.

Just don't teach your son to force his beliefs on others and he should be fine in a non religious school. There were loads of religious kids at the schools I went to as a child, the only ones that had a problem due to rheir religion were the ones who didn't respect other people's beliefs.

Other mums are unreasonable there's nothing unfair about sending a Catholic child to a Catholic school. As many PP have said it's way too early to worry about though!

oh I’m not always good at explaining myself sorry but I’m not only Catholic to suit my sons education. I’ve been a practising Catholic my whole life. My parents, grandparents, great grandparents and so on. All practising ie going to church weekly and extra services during Easter, advent etc. Sunday school and trips to Lourdes. Wanting Catholic school for my son is first and foremost related to our faith, and secondly I just thought it would be a better suited where the faith is taught more thoroughly, better understood and more accepted.
I went to Catholic primary, but there was no Catholic High School in the city where I grew up, otherwise I would have attended Catholic High school too.

my friends know I’m a practising Catholic.
I’m not just Catholic when I please to suit my sons eduction But there is a chance going to Catholic primary won’t work out (logistic reasons)

Thank you. I’ve never forced my beliefs on anyone. Admittedly I probably overthink the bullying aspect as I was bullied at high school for being Catholic. I was actually very reserved and never even talked about it but there were kids my high school who had been at the same Catholic primary so they would have known my family attended church.
although my quiet and non confrontational nature probably made me an easy target, so while they called me derogatory names related to my religion, that was deep down probably not the reason for being bullied. I was also called racist things about where my family comes from (not uk although i am ) but I pretty much kept quiet and kept to myself.