We’ve lost sight of what is a healthy weight

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Was chatting to my husband yesterday about getting to a healthy weight.

I am 5ft3 and at start of year I was weighing 80kg (12st 8)

I have hired a PT, workout 3 x weeklyand started eating healthy and now weigh around 72kg (11st 4). I’m not restricting food types or on any fad diet. I’m literally eating a balanced diet and the correct amount to lose up to 1lb a week.

I’ve done a decent start but still want to get to below 10stone where I would be a healthy weight for my height according to BMI.

I literally look like a ball in photos I took at the weekend. So fat.

He thinks I look great and lovely. Which is very kind. I literally don’t get how done people can’t see that I look fat. He’s not just being kind.

we got chatting and I Said to him that people we watch on tv that we think are “normal” (not underweight) and are similar height to me probably weigh between 8-9 stone therefore how could he not see I was overweight and not looking great.

AIBU to think no wonder we are quite an overweight nation. We equate 8stone/9stone as “skinny” but actually isn’t that healthy for someone who is just over 5ft? There should not be any shame in trying to reach a healthy weight. I kinda feel like we have lost sight of what is a healthy weight.

at 11stone/12stone, I’m not my healthiest, I’m not my fittest, I don’t look good. I’m opening myself up to more health conditions. Clothes make me look like a beach ball. I’m quite large chested and instead of making me look sexy/attractive, I just look ridiculous and almost ball shaped.

You said: 8 stone at your height would be fine for a slightly built person, but underweight for most.

Just pointed out that 8 stone is not underweight for “most” at that height.

I have a friend who by her own admission is fat, 3 stone over weight at least. Chocolate, wine, cheap treats are literally her only pleasure in life. That needs tackling first.

So I do think that fitness is something to be aimed for, not just weight.

Weight on its own is a bit of a red herring. Weight includes muscle mass too, not just fat.

A full length mirror is probably a better gauge than a set of scales.

You are scourging yourself rotten and I think you believe this will spur you on. I hope you're right. I hope you reach your goal, and it makes you happy. But I genuinely believe that the more we batter ourselves, the harder it springs back somewhere.

My GP told me I'd lost enough weight when I went under 13 stone so she possibly would.

I agree with you, OP. I'm the same height as you and feel my best around 52kg. I don't think it helps that people our height are often apple-shaped so maybe we feel more beach ball-like than our pear- and hourglass-shaped peers when we are carrying a little too much weight!

Absolutely this.

Sort yourself out, OP, never mind what other people are doing. Your husband has a mandate to not upset you. Bear that in mind before thinking that he has failing eyesight.

Every other thread at the moment is picking holes in other people, dressed up as a banal but goad-loaded topic. I wish you and the others would stop it.

BINGO
You’ve hit the nail on the head. I have found this many times.
And this is partly the reason people on this thread (and many others in the past) call conversations like this goady.
They just don’t want to hear it.
Rather keep eating in calorie excess whilst sticking their fingers in their ears singing la la la

all the MN threads saying "I look horribly gaunt if my BMI gets < 27" don't help.

I sometimes wonder what "gaunt" even means. are these ladies gaunt? One of them looks make-up free & worried, but neither one screams underweight to my eye.

Touched a nerve. See previous post.

Yes it has become normalised, when you see young overweight women on tv, really made up with immaculate hair and fantastic clothes. I was watching family fortunes recently, and thought that young woman would have looked and felt a hundred times better being slim/or normal weight. When I was in secondary school in the 70s there were some really slim and beautiful girls. Hardly any obese. Had to walk everywhere as well, which helped.

Agree with this. I’m 5’6 and 11 stone is the top end of a healthy BMI for me (sadly I’m nowhere near that, although losing successfully since the start of this year). I can imagine that at 5’8 11 stone WOULD look positively skeletal. So much depends on someone’s build too. I have a very curvy frame with naturally wide hips, so if I get under 10 stone I look gaunt and unwell.

Keep kidding yourselves all the overweight people.
Wait until your older and diabetes sets in. Judging by the ages on here the time will be right for the NHS to be finished in the sense that we know it now.
Diabetes will be one of the diseases at the bottom of the treatable diseases.

You do know we are not all young on here dont you?

I have seen this but also the opposite - since I’ve lost a lot of weight (2.5 stone so far this year) people have become so NICE to me. Shopkeepers, other parents in the playground etc who didn’t even acknowledge me before. It’s terrifying and deeply depressing. Was I worth nothing before when I was obese? It makes me really angry. I have never treated anyone differently based on their weight/what they look like.

Why would it touch a nerve? I wouldn't ever suggest to somebody making better choices that they shouldn't, whether I was mainlining donuts or lettuce. I do what I do for myself and it's nobody else's business.

Threads like this that purposely encompass others are goady. Focus on your own health/weight. Good advice for everybody.

I don't think how you look alone is a brilliant indicator of fitness and health, unless perhaps you are very very buff. We are not very good at assessing our own appearance anyway; we tend to be too kind or too harsh to ourselves. I've seen a lot of posts on here from people with BMIs of 30 and over who insist they aren't obese because they don't "look" it.

Scales alone aren't a good indication either, though, true. A tape measure and body fat percentage calculation are probably among the better ways, although even then it depends on where your fat is and skinny people can still have dangerous internal fat.

BMI isn't fail safe, but if you're overweight by it and not stacked with muscle, then it's more likely to be right than wrong.

Agreed. And a lack of regular exercise.

Youre delusional i'm afraid. I'm 3" taller than you, and 11 stone and I am fat. 10 stone 3 is the perfect weight for me. Nothing to do with bone weight or my liver being heavier than yours or all the usual bollocks.

Its everyone’s business. For the immediate future and for the future of our kids and grandkids.
Saying oh well it’s not me so not my problem doesn’t work when we are living in a 70million population society sharing our resources and money.
What possible reason would anyone have for not wanting every man woman and child to be a healthy weight (excluding those with health problems of course)
The population being healthy benefits everyone now and all those to come after us?

What is the average size in clothing in the UK? I'm sure I read that it was a size 16? At that size I was very overweight and unhealthy. But walking around our local town I wouldn't look at someone who was a size 16 and think they look huge, they just look normal.

However we have spent quite a lot of time in Japan, South Korea and China. You would stand out as a size 16 there and probably be stared at and potentially laughed at.

I agree but I hope you aren’t using BMI to base your thoughts on, it’s outdated and too simplistic a tool. It’s only used as it’s the easiest formula, and actually delving into your genetic makeup takes too much effort and time.

Are they that rude? I always thought those were very polite cultures, albeit very weight conscious.

Well that’s not on. Just unkind. I know what you mean though- I’ve found the same to some degree. It happens with appearances too, not just weight related appearance

I clicked on this thinking it was going to be an ironic thread because the thread title is SUCH a Mumsnet cliche. But it’s not!