We’ve lost sight of what is a healthy weight

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Was chatting to my husband yesterday about getting to a healthy weight.

I am 5ft3 and at start of year I was weighing 80kg (12st 8)

I have hired a PT, workout 3 x weeklyand started eating healthy and now weigh around 72kg (11st 4). I’m not restricting food types or on any fad diet. I’m literally eating a balanced diet and the correct amount to lose up to 1lb a week.

I’ve done a decent start but still want to get to below 10stone where I would be a healthy weight for my height according to BMI.

I literally look like a ball in photos I took at the weekend. So fat.

He thinks I look great and lovely. Which is very kind. I literally don’t get how done people can’t see that I look fat. He’s not just being kind.

we got chatting and I Said to him that people we watch on tv that we think are “normal” (not underweight) and are similar height to me probably weigh between 8-9 stone therefore how could he not see I was overweight and not looking great.

AIBU to think no wonder we are quite an overweight nation. We equate 8stone/9stone as “skinny” but actually isn’t that healthy for someone who is just over 5ft? There should not be any shame in trying to reach a healthy weight. I kinda feel like we have lost sight of what is a healthy weight.

at 11stone/12stone, I’m not my healthiest, I’m not my fittest, I don’t look good. I’m opening myself up to more health conditions. Clothes make me look like a beach ball. I’m quite large chested and instead of making me look sexy/attractive, I just look ridiculous and almost ball shaped.

Yes OP this is true! Many a time on MN I've seen posts along the lines of- How can a size 10 be overweight? 🤦🏼‍♀️ Do some people really not understand size/weight differs on different heights and frames? 🤔

You are completely right. I have lost about 10 kg this year and now have a bmi of 26. People are telling me I am really skinny and some say I am so slim I look unwell. Apart from my fitness instructor who thinks I look great. I am still about 10 kg abovemy age 20 weight. I’m 63, super fit but still a bit chubby.

Lol, hardly delusional (and you are extremely rude) - when I weighed 11 stone I fitted comfortably into a size 10-12 which is hardly big by anyone’s standards.

You also need to read what I said carefully: I didn’t say I looked bad at 11 stone, I said I looked bad at under 10 stone. I have a wide skeleton and no amount of weight loss will change that. Too little fat and I still have the same shape but look bony/gaunt. Can you really not conceive of the fact that we are all different? Or perhaps your self image/perception is skewed? I feel sorry for you, insulting strangers on Mumsnet because you feel so bad about yourself at your humongous 11 stone … 🙄

Presumably then, you're giving this message to the people you do have influence with and live by example.

Since a goady thread isn't likely to get somebody to pull themselves up and mend their ways, I don't see the point of it. Finger-wagging and thigh-rubbing is a sort of exercise though, I suppose.

There are some really supportive weight loss/exercise threads on Mumsnet but this isn't one of them.

Programmes like My 600lb life, or 1000lb sisters are making being overweight acceptable

You’re not watching the same episodes as I have seen! Those people are miserable, suffering and often unable to leave their homes. My 600lb Life is misery porn at its finest.

A size 10 in today's sizing is big, you wouldn't fit into my size 10's from 2000

You also need to learn to read what's written.

Big is celebrated and we've completely lost sight of the health aspect.

Yes, some people can be larger and still very fit. They are generally the exception though, rather than the rule. Let's not forget that.

I'm a healthy weight at around 8 stone and 5' 1" (47).

I agree. My mum and I are the same height as you, I have been the same weight bar pregnancy since I was about 15, I'm just over 8 stone. I don't restrict, I have been very into keep fit (although I don't have the time as much now with having children, I'm still active though, just not running marathons!) I'm very healthy and my weight is what it is. My mum on the other hand has always been big since being a teen her weight has yoyo'd she's been size 22 but then she's been size 12, she does exercise though and doesn't actually eat loads. Over the years she has told me I'm too thin, I'm not I'm just normal size, I have a bum and boobs. She would go on about it though to which I'd finally reply no you are morbidly obese (she was goijgnoff her BMI) and what you consider "normal is skewed". When Adele lost a bit of weight (not even as skinny as she is now) my mum declared she was anorexic lol!

I do feel bad for my mum as she doesn't actually eat loads and she exercises, I probably eat far more than she does yet I'm this size. I think in her mind she thinks I must be starving, even though she knows I eat well! Size has definitely been skewed though, anyone who is overweight describes me as skinny or thin, I'm not but the people around me make me look it! I'm a size 8 in today's sizes which is a 10 or even a 12 about 20 years ago. Vanity sizing doesn't help.

YANBU OP. In a very similar situation height and weight wise to you. I’m 5’ 1” and at my heaviest after second DC I was 13 stone and was obese. Since then I’ve dropped to 10 stone through calorie deficit. I look so much better but am still overweight for my height. The top end of a healthy BMI for me is 9st 6lbs so that’s what I’m aiming for. I know BMI can sometimes be problematic as muscle weighs more than fat so it doesn’t account for changes in body composition really. I feel (and look) so much better for losing weight. It is hard to make healthy choices when we’re surrounded by unhealthy food - any hospital cafe you go in has some sad looking fruit and masses of sugary crap next to it.

The biggest drain on the nhs is cote.

So maybe we should be encouraging everyone to be as fat as possible so we all die young?

@theemmadilemma

Why do you think big is celebrated?

This just proves how bonkers MN is about weight.
Nowhere else would someone comment that a size 10 isn't skinny.

A lot of celebrities are a size 10 in today’s sizing and we wouldn’t consider them ‘fat’. I agree that sizing has become a lot more generous over the years but that still doesn’t mean that a certain dress size = unhealthy.

As I said, I feel sorry for you, you clearly have a hang up with your weight/size to be aggressively attacking what a stranger on Mumsnet has written.

I don’t know which is more tiring- posts moaning about teachers striking or posts about weight and height.

Yes, see my message exchange with @3BSHKATS …. 😵‍💫 Completely bonkers!

Yes, at that height and weight you are overweight. I can't understand why people would we deny what is plainly true. Congratulations on your weight loss.

I think as a society, perhaps, however your examples don’t prove much other than you have a DH who loves you and how to look and that people close to you saying things are doing so to be nice and polite. All good things.

I have a friend who is very conscious of her weight and constantly dieting. Of course I’m not going to say anything that isn’t supportive. I’m not going to come out and say “yes I agree you should lose weight” because a) it’s nothing to do with me and b) why do I want to make her feel worse? We lie constantly to people we like and love don’t we? “I LOVE the name you’ve chosen for your baby!” “Your weight suits you, that’s how you’re meant to look” etc etc etc

BMI is now widely discredited as a measure of healthy weight. It was invented by health insurance companies in the USA as a way to charge higher premiums to those deemed 'overweight' by their arbitrary scale.

If I were at my 'ideal' BMI I would look & feel very ill (been there, not doing it again).

ISSUES WITH BMI

There are a lot of peer reviewed scientific papers about it as well.

*Experts have always admitted it isn't perfect – it doesn't take into account gender differences & ethnicity, it doesn't always accurately reflect muscle mass, and results can be skewed for children and the elderly.

It’s becoming extremely pro ana on here recently.

Why are you asking all these people’s opinions on it? Including starting threads on Mumsnet?

why are you going on at people about your weight and diet and exercise? Does it help you? They are probably just saying whatever comes into their heads that they believe might get you to stop going on about your body and what you do with it.

What tosh. In what way? I’d rather read threads about people aiming to be healthy than promoting ‘body positivity’ and being fat and ill. Being overweight is not healthy. It just isn’t.

Everyone can say nasty shit to each other.

Thin people don’t want fat people to like their bodies because then they would find it harder to feel superior to them. They don’t really care about others’ health, just want their thin-ness to be praiseworthy and for others to value it.

^^see, saying nasty unnecessary shit is easy

I dont know if I can take any of this thread seriously once someone tried to claim 'My 600 pound life' was aspirational.

@crimsonpeak

It's not.

But its none of your business if other people don't care that they are at higher risk of some kinds of ill health

I definitely understand. I look silly, I am fat and need to lose weight. I don’t want anyone to lie and tell me otherwise.
A long time ago I lost a few stone and got fit in my 20s. I felt and looked great but some people were threatened by it. I didn’t care because I had done it for myself and certainly was not underweight. Now I can di it again, of I try hard enough.