We’ve lost sight of what is a healthy weight

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Was chatting to my husband yesterday about getting to a healthy weight.

I am 5ft3 and at start of year I was weighing 80kg (12st 8)

I have hired a PT, workout 3 x weeklyand started eating healthy and now weigh around 72kg (11st 4). I’m not restricting food types or on any fad diet. I’m literally eating a balanced diet and the correct amount to lose up to 1lb a week.

I’ve done a decent start but still want to get to below 10stone where I would be a healthy weight for my height according to BMI.

I literally look like a ball in photos I took at the weekend. So fat.

He thinks I look great and lovely. Which is very kind. I literally don’t get how done people can’t see that I look fat. He’s not just being kind.

we got chatting and I Said to him that people we watch on tv that we think are “normal” (not underweight) and are similar height to me probably weigh between 8-9 stone therefore how could he not see I was overweight and not looking great.

AIBU to think no wonder we are quite an overweight nation. We equate 8stone/9stone as “skinny” but actually isn’t that healthy for someone who is just over 5ft? There should not be any shame in trying to reach a healthy weight. I kinda feel like we have lost sight of what is a healthy weight.

at 11stone/12stone, I’m not my healthiest, I’m not my fittest, I don’t look good. I’m opening myself up to more health conditions. Clothes make me look like a beach ball. I’m quite large chested and instead of making me look sexy/attractive, I just look ridiculous and almost ball shaped.

BMI was invented by a mathematician in Belgium in the 1830’s.
Not only was it not intended to be used as a medical assessment, rather a social one, but it also does not take into account differences in bone density, fat Vs. muscle Etc, nor that people are much bigger now than they were back then.
Thus, by using BMI, most professional Rugby Players (even the Backs) as well as a large number of other athletes, are likely to be classified as morbidly obese! As this is clearly nonsense, it’s about time that the WHO stopped using it, and come up with a better gauge of “healthy” weight.
OP, unless you have body dystmorphia, you’ll know when you reach your ideal weight. You’ve already achieved some weight loss - if you feel you have reached a plateau, find a different diet. I would recommend the Fast 800 or the latest Fast 800 Keto. The Fasting is a game-changer…

I agree being overweight isn't good but people saying you always look better when you lose weight aren't always right. I've got a thin face, if I go down to a BMI of 20/21 I actually look about ten years older, I look much better at 22/23 or even 24.

So true. Look at school photos. There are loads on Facebook pages of past and present school form photos. I managed to find one of my old form 40+ years ago, and there was only one pupil who looked obviously overweight. In current class photos, at least half, maybe 2/3rds are clearly overweight with several obese.

The first step of dealing with a problem is acceptance and unfortunately with all this "love your curves" mantra, society is clearly in denial.

You do know ‘we’ve lost sight of what a healthy weight is’ is a MN cliche don’t you?!

Anyway - you are partly right - we are obviously collectively a lot more overweight than we used to be.. but you are partly wrong - in that seeing yourself as looking like ‘a ball’ in photos is distorted, yes you are overweight, but you aren’t massive and yes your husband probably does think you are attractive.

Also 8 stone at your height would be fine for a slightly built person, but underweight for most. My sister who is a fairly average build (albeit athletic) and 5ft 4 went down to 8.5 stone at one point and was terribly thin, so don’t start obsessing in the other direction.

hahahaha at “for the country”

maybe we should give white feathers to fat people. At least then you don’t have to say the words you’re thinking out loud.

But it’s equally distorted to think you are ‘huge’ with a BMI of 23. You can’t possibly be.

Maybe so but I think we have also lost sight of WHY we should weigh less than we do. If you read your post back it's absolutely saturated with references to looking good, which really shouldn't be the concern. I get it, I'm guilty of it too - but I don't think it's particularly superior to be focused on weighing less in order to not be judged as not looking sexy. It's not the point.

I'd disagree in a sense. I think it's becoming more socially unacceptable to mention it at least. Lots of people when I was a size 10 would comment on how "tiny" I was. For eg "but you are so tiny!" from friends when id mentioned needing to cut out takeaways a bit. MIL making comments about how i needed to eat more with a concerned look. I had a little bit of fat on me round all my body. I definitely wasn't supermodel small and and im short so I didn't look particularly skinny. I was perfectly healthy in every way. Now I'm a size 12-14 (I have a lot of fat round my middle and thighs now, a double chin, flappy arms etc and my diet is way less healthy) no one dares mention it. Or if I've ever complained about needing to eat better, I'd get comments such as "oh behave you aren't fat" when actually, I have unhealthy amounts of fat.

A family member is 5'8" and weighs around 14 stone. She talked about losing weight to get a healthy weight, I said what would you be aiming for, 10-11 stone?

She said Ooh no, I'd look positively skeletal at 11 stone!

No, she wouldn't.

8 stone for 5 foot 4 is well within the healthy weight range, it’s not underweight.

IMO there needs to be something done about the obesity crisis. A big tax on junk food, and supermarkets should be able to sell junk food at all. they should sell healthy food. A big crack down on alcohol as well, it should not be sold in supermarkets but only in specific government controlled off-licenses, like in Canada and Australia.

people tell me I am fat and they are right but it hasn’t made me magically lose weight. I am on medication which does not help.
i don’t like the fact people see being overweight as a character flaw. More people are overweight but I am pretty sure most of us know.
well done on your health kick

I didn’t say it was underweight. I said it was suitable for a slightly built person, which is the case - it’s at the bottom of the healthy weight range.

i dont care if it’s a mumsnet cliche.

I just want to get to a stage where I feel healthy and feel attractive and fit. Which I don’t now.

for those saying bmi is old fashioned. I think it can still be a useful tool. That said you could just look at photos of me and say, could do better! No tool needed.

@Mirabai thanks for your honesty. I completely agree with you. I’m determined to keep going and do it slowly so hopefully it is just a way of living in the end. The only thing I have properly “restricted” is alcohol and that’s not for calorie reasons but because it makes me feel awful afterwards as I’ve gotten older. I don’t enjoy it. I don’t think that’s helped me in this quest as a lot of people view sober people as boring.

even exercising more has come with its criticisms. People think it’s extravagant to spend money on it! Like it’s a waste to have gym memberships or pay for someone to teach you how to lift weights. Someone I know once also told me “you’ll get bulky if you work out too much”

But how will you decide what counts? Some people might call shepherds pie junk food. I know someone who considers all carbs to be evil but somehow is still as big as I am.

my sister eats takeout everyday. Very slim, very fit and now on the kind of training programme that will get her climbing mountains. For her, a fish and chip dinner or cream laden curry is normal, but she won't touch sugar, including fruit.

So why does shopping for food involve having to sift through so much high fat sugar and salt laden processed rubbish in order to leave with a shop that supports good health?

I understand that this is what some people want but not everyone does.

But that's not always weight
My size 6 friend gets thigh rub because it's the way your pelvis is
Out of breath is unfit, not weight

One thing that is frustrating is people not believing you when you are overweight. As in the doctor asks what exercise you do and does a when you tell them. Yes I'm fat but I'm not unfit. You can be slim and unfit or overweight and running ultras

YANBU. I also weighed 80kg when I got on the scales 4 weeks ago. I’m 5’6”. Now down to 76kg thanks to dieting and exercise. I know I have at least 10kg to go but I still have lots of people telling me I look great/fine, don’t have any more weight to lose etc. They may well be saying this to be kind, but it’s simply untrue. Medically I shouldn’t be over 70kg (it says so in my notes), for one thing! Maybe it’s also how I carry it (mainly on my butt/thighs) which fools people into thinking I look fine/well compared to someone who carries it more on the chest/belly. It’s true that being overweight is VERY normalised in British society (in adults and children) and this is a major issue.

I am the same height and weight as you. Yes, we are both overweight and I would say 9.5 stone is a good weight for me. Just stick to the facts and try not to be influenced by what you see around you.

Yanbu. At all.

this weekend I’ve been told “you don’t eat enough” “go on just have one wine, it won’t hurt” “are you sure you don’t want a sweet?! Go on” “you look fine as you are” etc etc etc by people other than my husband

I think you get these sorts of comments from certain people whatever positive change you might be making. I've seen plenty of threads on here from people giving up alcohol but their friends seem to not want them to with comments like "oh just have one", or "don't be boring!"

Re NHS heart disease

my parents are/were crazy healthy but took all the preventative drugs offered. A lot of money goes there. Did we have more or less heart disease when cooking with lard was normal?

finally - does it matter? We've all got to die of something and the Depressingly Long Life bill that taxpayers (i.e. most of us) are paying is getting higher.

the cancer treatment my dad was given in his final weeks of life was eye bleedingly expensive. I sometimes think he'd have turned it down if he knew that - he was half dead the last few weeks.

these bills aren't about people eating junk food.

after his second heart attack, dad genuinely said "I should have eaten ice cream when I wanted it". Yes dad - you should have! Poor soul.

It's true, but also people's bodies and shapes have changed, both men and women. My husband and I are fans of old movies and like to joke that the ab seems to have been invented in about 1990. People didn't used to go to the gym or have the same build.

Out of interest I’ve just done my BMI for the first time in years.
For my height, the healthy weight category ranges from 7st to 9st 6.
The only time I was ever near 7st as an adult was after stoma surgery and I can tell you I looked ill at that weight. BMI is a blunt tool indeed.

I look and feel best at about 8st 7 but after menopause I am routinely 9st 4. I don’t care, I’d rather enjoy eating rather than stressing about it. I run and do other forms of exercise very regularly and feel fitter than I ever did in my 20s when I was a stone lighter.

It’s hard isn’t it. I’m so overweight currently it’s ridiculous. I’m really unhappy about it, worried I’m damaging my health and that I’m a bad example to my daughter but people keep saying similar things about one won’t hurt, offering sweets/cake after you’ve said you don’t want them. All that said it’s definitely not impossible to look good while also being overweight and I think people would be unkind to say to you some of the things you are saying to yourself. It’s generally not helpful to be disgusted with yourself as it’s a real trigger to eat in people who have emotional triggers for overeating (which is lots of overweight and obese people). You are doing well and getting to where you will feel comfortable with your body and be healthier. Your husband finds you attractive and loves you regardless of your weight & your friends can see the positives in your appearance. That’s all really positive. Hopefully if you sit down and say to your OH “I am so happy you see me that way & I will try and be positive and not put myself down but I want to be fitter and more able to manage activities as we get older so please can you help me achieve that by doing x/y/z?