We’ve lost sight of what is a healthy weight

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Was chatting to my husband yesterday about getting to a healthy weight.

I am 5ft3 and at start of year I was weighing 80kg (12st 8)

I have hired a PT, workout 3 x weeklyand started eating healthy and now weigh around 72kg (11st 4). I’m not restricting food types or on any fad diet. I’m literally eating a balanced diet and the correct amount to lose up to 1lb a week.

I’ve done a decent start but still want to get to below 10stone where I would be a healthy weight for my height according to BMI.

I literally look like a ball in photos I took at the weekend. So fat.

He thinks I look great and lovely. Which is very kind. I literally don’t get how done people can’t see that I look fat. He’s not just being kind.

we got chatting and I Said to him that people we watch on tv that we think are “normal” (not underweight) and are similar height to me probably weigh between 8-9 stone therefore how could he not see I was overweight and not looking great.

AIBU to think no wonder we are quite an overweight nation. We equate 8stone/9stone as “skinny” but actually isn’t that healthy for someone who is just over 5ft? There should not be any shame in trying to reach a healthy weight. I kinda feel like we have lost sight of what is a healthy weight.

at 11stone/12stone, I’m not my healthiest, I’m not my fittest, I don’t look good. I’m opening myself up to more health conditions. Clothes make me look like a beach ball. I’m quite large chested and instead of making me look sexy/attractive, I just look ridiculous and almost ball shaped.

As far as the OP discusses the problem issue of overweight at a society level, she’s not criticising people for being so.

When I had to lose weight after my child was born, I only managed once I started dressing nicely and feeling good about myself. Once I stopped the self-hatred I ate better and lost the weight.

So I don’t think feeling positive about yourself when overweight is at all harmful.

And other than my pregnancy I have been slim/thin all my life. I have never seen a photo of someone overweight and thought I want to look like that. I am not being rude, but just saying that seeing happy gorgeous overweight people has never been a motivation for me to eat more.

I see positivity as a positive.

@Cam22

Gastric bands have a fairly high success rate for reversing the unhealthy effects of obesity so its hardly cheating.

If its health we care about of course.

And ah, yes. Kate moss.

The known smoker and drug addict with an unhealthy bmi of her own.

Just the person to be taking health advice from

Really?

So if people are unhealthy they deserve to be criticised?

Disabled people are often unhealthy?

How healthy are you?

OP, Isn't it nice to know that your DH loves you for who you are and finds you attractive even if you are tubbier than you would like to be? Maybe - shock horror - he likes a bit of meat on the bones? Quite a lot of men do IME. It would be boring if we all liked the same.

Would you prefer one of those DHs you read about on here who complain bitterly if their wives go above 8 stones even after 3 pregnancies and teeth suck if their wives eat a dessert in a restaurant or don't exercise everyday?

It's pretty clear that Cam22's objection to gastric bands is because she thinks they are the easy way out. Therefore, nobody who has one actually deserves to lose weight and must be deemed a "cheat" and punished by lots of loose skin, even if only in her fevered imagination.

It's a very telling and hugely ignorant viewpoint. If gastric bands were such an easy way out, they'd be prescribed willy nilly to everyone who needed to lose weight and all those people would have a healthy BMI and body fat percentage for the rest of their lives.

This doesn't happen because, obviously, they aren't an easy way out at all. They are an extreme solution for extreme situations and they come with a lot of risks and potential long-term complications. That doesn't mean they aren't right for some people, but to think of them as "cheating" shows a) absolutely no understanding of them and b) a rather harmful and adversarial perspective on weight loss.

@DarrellRiversCriminalBehaviourOrder

I think its clear that more than a few on this thread think over weight people should only be allowed to exist if they walk around apologising for it while self flaggelating.

They must all be perfect, of course

🤣

I have met so many people struggling with life post-gastric band. Unable to tolerate much orally, limited social life, anxiety and depression. Despite the amazing weight loss. I know it works well for some, but is not an easy option by any means. If anything you need even more self-control than on a diet.

Does it have to be either/or? Personally I'd prefer one who minded his business, kept his concern about 'meat' to his own bones, and allowed me to have the body I preferred. Men banging on about preferences for 'curves' are no better than those who moan women are OW, but somehow we think they're should be applauded for it.

Now surely everyone knows that a lot of the ‘tiny’ influencers and celebs have the old disco fizz to help their self control around food. If you think most of them are thin because they enjoy existing on salads and green tea you’re woefully naive.

Possibly, although countries and societies which are somewhat disapproving or not as accepting of people being overweight tend not to have such a significant obesity problem. Most countries in the world are getting fatter but at a slower rate to us/America.

@Skinnermarink I think a lot are using Ozempic/new weight loss drugs prescribed off-label now especially in US where more are available.

There are plenty of thin people who don't exist off green tea and salad, or take ozempic 🤔

You mean they’re naturally thin?

Well the smallest size I've ever been is a size 8...I was slim. I barely ate. I find it extremely tedious to hear people who are thin/slim tell me how they eat loads...it insinuates that anyone bigger than them must be a horrible glutton.

The reason Americans are so overweight is not because of embracing obesity, it's because their standard diet is pumped full of glucose by manufacturers. Canadians have much lower levels of obesity even the two countries border each other, and are viewed as being somewhat similar.

I'm in two minds - as someone who can never meet the allegedly ideal aesthetic of size 8, I don't believe body shaming helps people to lose weight, just makes them depressed. However I do agree we've lost sight of what normal should look like and it's shocking how universally thin everybody is when you look at pictures of a UK beach in the 1970s.

They could be - why not?

As I've said a few times, in the 90s we deified thinness, promoted "heroin chic" and the "waif look", made a star of Kate Moss and didn't make attractive clothes for anyone over a then-standard size 16, which was still considered tubby. Diet shakes everywhere, Rosemary Conley, slimmer of the week in the women's weeklies. There was some backlash against the casting of Kate Winslet in Titanic because she was considered fat by the standards of the day.

How did that work out for us?

No, people just have different body types, different metabolisms, different favourite foods. Someone might eat loads, but if they eat loads of fairly healthy food because that's what they like, it's obviously going to be less calorific that someone eating loads of biscuits.

I am also 5’ 3” and I’m 9 stone and overweight looking for my frame so I know where you’re coming from. But compared to the general population around me I look pretty good.

I have a couple of friends who are size 6 to 8 and genuinely don't diet. They eat what they want. In fact one of them has to eat 3 large meals a day or she loses loads of weight. She even eats spoonfuls of coconut oil between meals to stop herself losing weight. She has some kind of super metabolism.
I also know lots of skinny people who do permanently diet to stay that way.

I agree. Also getting pretty sick of being told skinny isn’t beautiful and men only like women with curves (fat is what they mean). I have curves. But it’s not fat. I am 5ft 4 and weigh just under 8 stone.

Yes but the former type are so often used to insinuate that anyone larger must be really greedy...to be a size 8 I genuinely cannot eat very much at all. Definitely not three meals a day. Probably one small meal a day...no snacks at all.

I am size 6 and I have a very slight frame, small hips, flattish chest... I used to hate it as a teenager! I also enjoy healthy foods and I'm not a huge lover of biscuits and things, so I don't have to "resist" them. I've no idea really how many calories I eat a day but I'd guess it's in the region of 1,500-2,000 depending on the day. If I eat even a bit less, the weight drops off super fast. It's just quick metabolism and honestly, it's a bit annoying as well. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm not depriving myself or anxiously trying to maintain a particular weight - I've always been like this, give or take a bit, and some people just are. That's why it pisses me off when people say that any woman who's thinking is a drug addict/haggard looking/emaciated/ has an ED/skinny minny who only eats "massive salads".

I totally agree. I would never shame someone for being overweight as I realise it's easy to gain weight and harder to lose it, nor would I comment on someone's weight unless asked to avoid upsetting them.But I can't stand the notion that as long as someone isn't obviously dying of their weight, then they're as healthy as anyone else. And that we all have to agree that overweight is fine so as not to hurt feelings.

Earlier this week I saw someone posting something like "most slim people aren't healthy". As if 1) that's an excuse not to try to be as healthy as you can and 2) that obesity related diseases isn't much more likely for those overweight and all of the harm and cost that comes along with the obesity epidemic.

I've got a healthy BMI and when I put a few pounds on, and my clothes get tight, I restrict what I eat to get back to my healthy weight. I'm not saying that to show off or boast, or to minimise how hard losing weight is. But to show that slim people aren't just "lucky", we often manage our weight. It's a choice. I have kids, they need me as healthy as possible.

I think, if we continue to change society's image on what is a healthy weight, we will regret it.