We’ve lost sight of what is a healthy weight

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Was chatting to my husband yesterday about getting to a healthy weight.

I am 5ft3 and at start of year I was weighing 80kg (12st 8)

I have hired a PT, workout 3 x weeklyand started eating healthy and now weigh around 72kg (11st 4). I’m not restricting food types or on any fad diet. I’m literally eating a balanced diet and the correct amount to lose up to 1lb a week.

I’ve done a decent start but still want to get to below 10stone where I would be a healthy weight for my height according to BMI.

I literally look like a ball in photos I took at the weekend. So fat.

He thinks I look great and lovely. Which is very kind. I literally don’t get how done people can’t see that I look fat. He’s not just being kind.

we got chatting and I Said to him that people we watch on tv that we think are “normal” (not underweight) and are similar height to me probably weigh between 8-9 stone therefore how could he not see I was overweight and not looking great.

AIBU to think no wonder we are quite an overweight nation. We equate 8stone/9stone as “skinny” but actually isn’t that healthy for someone who is just over 5ft? There should not be any shame in trying to reach a healthy weight. I kinda feel like we have lost sight of what is a healthy weight.

at 11stone/12stone, I’m not my healthiest, I’m not my fittest, I don’t look good. I’m opening myself up to more health conditions. Clothes make me look like a beach ball. I’m quite large chested and instead of making me look sexy/attractive, I just look ridiculous and almost ball shaped.

I agree. I am similat height to you and overweight (according to BMI) despite weighing 12 kgs less. If I was 80kg I would definitely be fat. Already I can feel I have less energy, am more unfit, etc than I was at a healthy weight. I am really struggling to do something about it though.

I've tried so hard to get back to (and stay at) normal BMI since I had kids and I'm 47 now, and DD2 is 14, so I've been trying for 14 years. I can lose weight but not keep it off, not below being about BMI 27 anyway which I am now, if I go below that I just put the weight back on until I get back to this. Before kids I was BMI 25 in late teens, but between BMI 19 and 23 between the ages of 17 and 29. Sure I could lose weight if I ate <1500 calories all the time or did Fast 800 or keto (and have done so) but the problem is that whatever I have done diet-wise to lose weight, I can't do it forever. I did get up to BMI 31 at one point though so am glad I've not been back there. I've always done lots of exercise and I can't do any more there, I do weights and cardio same as I did in my 20s, in fact I lift heavier weights, I can do the same times on the rowing machine as 20 years ago, plus yoga, plus walking and gardening and I enjoy the exercise I do and my diet is healthy and balanced- I just love food and definitely eat too much portion-wise sometimes, but I never feel stuffed, I have a huge appetite, just that when I was younger I got away with it up to a point. My blood pressure is on the low side of normal, resting heart rate in the low 50s, size 12-14 clothes, very good cholesterol, plenty of iron etc, my waist to height ratio is normal, am fit and healthy and I have lots of energy. I'm trying to find a healthy balance food wise (more amounts of food than anything) and I'd like to be slimmer but not enough to never have carbs or have a faddy diet for the rest of my life.

We live in an obesogenic society, I just think that I've tried so hard to keep the weight off and god help anyone else with less time, money, education, poorer mental health etc.

What I said, is that from where I sat (not bothering to google because I don't care enough) it seems like fat is celebrated and I see much more body confidence (hence the relevance to skimpy clothes) in much larger young girls than I ever did 'in my day'.

That'll be partly because of the obsession with extreme thinness in the 90s and earlier, and partly because there was almost nothing nice for plus size people to wear back then so they couldn't wear skimpy or pretty clothing even if they wanted to.

I’m a size ten at 8 stone (5’3).

@kyse You are right. Families have different builds. Different genes. All of mine are tall, lean, cope well with heat, not good in the cold.

My closest friend is shorter, much broader shouldered, unbelievably strong, carries on regardless of being freezing.

People have different genes, characteristics, metabolism, regardless of whether they overeat or not. Expecting us all to be the same size and shape is silly.

Each individual should know what their natural build is and what they should weigh. As a woman in late middle age I can't expect still to be 9stone. I feel best at 10stone, when Parkrun is easy. I know 10stone10lb make me feel stodgy and sleepy. Parkrun is harder work.

You're so up for twisting what I've said in any way to fit your agenda aren't you?

They are related. IMO (not yours, mine) the increase in body confidence in larger young women STEMS from it being more celebrated in media (I'VE SEEN). It seems accepted in peer groups I see of that age (albeit from the outsiders view).

What I have spoken to is the thread topic, that is seems to be much more accepted and we have lost sight of what is a healthy weight.

So I don't judge them, but I don't think we should applaud unhealthy bodies.

A middle ground of healthy (not skinny) bodies and general confidence would be good.

I was a size 8-10 in the 80s. There was no 4-6. If you wanted smaller than 8 it was teen clothes which I did buy occasionally.

Its not normal or healthy to be a size four or six if you are a grown adult who has gone through puberty. Seriously if you are that emaciated I’d suggest getting urgent help.

It’s not normal because normal is a size 16, apparently.

The rest of your post is nonsense.

@theemmadilemma

I dont have an agenda.

I dont see anything wrong with women being body confident regardless of their size

Looks and health are 2 different things

So I don't judge them, but I don't think we should applaud unhealthy bodies.

Well, to be fair, unhealthily skinny bodies have been celebrated for decades.

Wow, according to this I'm just massive. Huge arse (agree actually), boobs not too big, but I'm definitely very much far from actual size 10 which I am according to most shops. Then, modern size 16 is what, size 22 in real terms..

They are related. IMO (not yours, mine) the increase in body confidence in larger young women STEMS from it being more celebrated in media (I'VE SEEN). It seems accepted in peer groups I see of that age (albeit from the outsiders view).

Bit of a chicken and egg situation though, surely.

It was really an inevitable pushback to the extreme thinness that was celebrated in the 90s and early 00s..."heroin chic" was the unironic label. And it didn't succeed in making people thinner. Shame and negative pressure never do.

While ideally we'd all be healthy weights, I think young women (or anyone) are more likely to exercise and be active if they see themselves represented in those areas, rather than feeling shamed and excluded for trying it while not being slim already. In that sense, a focus on fitness or strength rather than weight or thinness is probably to the good. Even if you're overweight and don't get lighter or thinner, it's better for you to stay active than to decide healthy habits are pointless if you aren't getting smaller.

Your partner is basically saying don't lose weight for him, because he is attracted to you as you are. Do it for yourself if you want.

Stop trying to goad him into agreeing with your poor body image. All this "I looked ridiculous" and "I'm a little ball of fat" type stuff is grim. Especially on a public forum where you know there are lots of posters reading this who are heavier than you. It's insensitive at best.

I remember being like this as a teenager but thankfully I learned some manners and to live and let live.

You're basically insulting a lot of people. Not sure if yourmean to or not, but I hope you understand that's what you're doing.

And what's with this "we" business? Speak for yourself, not other people.

If you're looking for negative motivation to keep losing weight, I don't think it's right you do it here.

Have I missed something? No waist measurements? Even though that's supposed to be the best indication of actual health?

Hmm, it might be anecdotal, but my impression is that more people exercise regularly nowadays than when for example my parents’ generation was my age (I’m in my 40s).
Last time my parents did any form of regular exercise (running) was in their twenties, same goes for my in-laws.
Nowadays, I see lots of people in their 40s and 50s running in local parks or going on extended bike rides, and where I live is not a particularly outdoorsy/ sporty town.

Stop trying to goad him into agreeing with your poor body image. All this "I looked ridiculous" and "I'm a little ball of fat" type stuff is grim. Especially on a public forum where you know there are lots of posters reading this who are heavier than you. It's insensitive at best.

OP is entitled to describe herself how she likes. Individuals’ weight is their own responsibility. OP has no obligation to consider posters’ neuroses when asking for advice. Indeed there are so many different neuroses on here it would be impossible.

OP can describe herself if she likes, although she obviously has low self esteem.
Her husband loves her and finds her attractive though, a fact OP seems to struggle with.

Its completely wrong on all fronts. A U.K. 8 is a French 36, US 4. Not what is written there.

And standard UK 8 measurements are now 33 26 36.

Yeah sure, of course she can continue to act like an insecure meanie on a public forum if she wants. And I can point that out, which I did.

You are in the minority though then.
Most people don’t get bread from the market.
They get sliced white from the supermarket. Rolls, burger and hot dog buns. Bagels, crossiants, muffins, baguettes, brioche rolls etc.
And it’s not eaten in moderation - whatever than means. It’s eaten with most meals daily. Not a slice everyone and then from a loaf in the market.
Only on mumsnet.
Hands up who only buys their bread products freshly made from the market and has NEVER eaten bread from a packet (Tumbleweed)
Most people are eating bread products that were NOT around 50- 100 year ago!!

If everyone ate meat in variety, veggies that grow above ground with the exception of legumes, cut their fruit and dairy consumption in half, stopped drinking and had extra virgin olive oil and ate a fair amount of animal fat, we would all be healthier

What's wrong with veggies that grow underground? Garlic, onion, beetroot, carrots, parsnips, leeks etc etc

This. So many overweight people, it’s become normal now. BMI is so important. Called fat phobic if you dare comment on somebody being overweight and unhealthy. Plus all this ‘you’re beautiful no matter what size’ is not helping. It’s unhealthy, fact.

You're beautiful whatever size, unless you're thin, in which case you are unhealthy, emaciated and haggard.

Beauty and health are not the same thing. In fact, since time immemorial and across cultures, the process to achieve what is considered to be beautiful is often extremely unhealthy.

A person may not be healthy but they still might be beautiful. Or they might be healthy and not beautiful.

One thing is for sure: making people feel ugly doesn't do much to encourage them to becone healthy.

“Section of the market” refers to the bread market as a whole not an street market.

I don’t know anyone who overeats bread products in the way you describe.
My point stands that you are describing is overeating problems rather than bakery products being intrinsically harmful in moderation.

France has boulangeries and patisseries everywhere - croissants, baguettes, brioche - which they’ve eaten for centuries. Their general BMI is significantly lower than the U.K. nonetheless.